Feeling uncomfortable: just another eye contact thread.

[TheTemp]

Okay. My eye contact is epic. I can look people straight in the eye. The problem. It feels wrong. It feels uncomfortable. I feel like I'm making THEM feel uncomfortable. I feel like they're gonna crack up at how uncomfortable I look at any given moment. I don't know why. Before I had SA, 2 years ago. It used to feel right, "fixed" is the best word I can come up with. It felt normal, didn't have to think twice about it. SA kicked in, couldn't look people in the eye. Fast forward to medication, now it's easy to do. My friends give me awesome feedback saying my eye contact is great... yet it feels SO uncomfortable. Like I would rather not do it, but I do it anyway because that's what we humans are "supposed to do". I keep doing it and trying til it feels right but it just feels like ugh, uncomfortable. I don't know what to do about this. Everything looks right on the outside but on the inside I'm very uncomfortable in my skin. What to do. :kickingmyself:

Edit: I forgot to mention, every time I'm looking someone in the eye but listening (not talking), I have these thoughts that keep me from actually focussing on the conversation. It's this self consciousness that kicks in leaving me wondering things like "Do I look okay?" "Is this person gonna crack up in my face right now?" "When is this gonna feel comfortable for me?"

 

[laure15]

I have the same problem too. I give people eye contact not because I like it but because I must do it out of politeness. Sometimes I give too much eye contact to the point where I make the other person feel uncomfortable. Eye contact doesn't come naturally to me; it is a learned behavior. If I have it my way, I would rather stare at a wall than give people eye contact.

Edit: I forgot to mention, every time I'm looking someone in the eye but listening (not talking), I have these thoughts that keep me from actually focussing on the conversation. It's this self consciousness that kicks in leaving me wondering things like "Do I look okay?" "Is this person gonna crack up in my face right now?" "When is this gonna feel comfortable for me?"

I also have similar thoughts going through my head. When I look at someone in the eye listening to them talk, thoughts such as "Am I staring at this person?", "Am I creeping out this person?" come into my head.

If I'm talking to a person of the opposite gender, I have a fear that this person will mistake me for liking him because I am looking into his eyes and he is looking into mine. So I try not to give extended eye contact, maybe look sideways or at the floor every now and then.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

Okay. My eye contact is epic. I can look people straight in the eye. The problem. It feels wrong. It feels uncomfortable. I feel like I'm making THEM feel uncomfortable. I feel like they're gonna crack up at how uncomfortable I look at any given moment. I don't know why. Before I had SA, 2 years ago. It used to feel right, "fixed" is the best word I can come up with. It felt normal, didn't have to think twice about it. SA kicked in, couldn't look people in the eye. Fast forward to medication, now it's easy to do. My friends give me awesome feedback saying my eye contact is great... yet it feels SO uncomfortable. Like I would rather not do it, but I do it anyway because that's what we humans are "supposed to do". I keep doing it and trying til it feels right but it just feels like ugh, uncomfortable. I don't know what to do about this. Everything looks right on the outside but on the inside I'm very uncomfortable in my skin. What to do. :kickingmyself:

Edit: I forgot to mention, every time I'm looking someone in the eye but listening (not talking), I have these thoughts that keep me from actually focussing on the conversation. It's this self consciousness that kicks in leaving me wondering things like "Do I look okay?" "Is this person gonna crack up in my face right now?" "When is this gonna feel comfortable for me?"

Some people are more difficult to sustain eye contact with. But, I also feel uncomfortable with a lot of people. It doesn't feel natural I'm too conscious of it.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

I remember a time when I never thought about it. I mean, WHO THINKS ABOUT IT! It's like walking or breathing, you just do it. And then one day, I suddenly was hyper-Aware and lost my ability to be natural. I HATE IT. AND, it really upsets me when I feel that I made someone else uncomfortable. I just want to die when that happens.
:sad:

 

[rocky_oreo]

I was sitting in a waiting room about to go in a haunted house last year and the lady who worked there stood in front of us and started talking about the house. I made eye contact but I thought I was staring so I didn't know where to look and just looked around me at the room I was in but then I thought I must look like I am not listening. I worry if I make constant eye contact people will think I'm staring. Now I try to look around the room 50% of the time whilst the other 50% I am making eye contact. But I feel SO uncomfortable

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

Sometimes my eye contact is so bad, I look like Stevie Wonder or Michael J. Fox.
*not that I'm poking fun at their respective conditions.

 

[TheTemp]

You guys are awesome. I feel right at home. NOONE else here suffers from this. I feel like an alien. How do you cope? Do you just keep doing it? Will it ever get comfortable and "natural"?

 

[laure15]

You guys are awesome. I feel right at home. NOONE else here suffers from this. I feel like an alien. How do you cope? Do you just keep doing it? Will it ever get comfortable and "natural"?

I really have no choice but keep doing it. As long as I interact with people, I need to do it. Unless I live in a mountain or forest where there's virtually no one around. I have not gotten comfortable yet but I hope I will one day.

 

[string3r]

Yep exactly the same.

The problem is you can't really break eye contact because then the person will feel that you're being made uncomfortable or disinterested, but then again constantly staring just creeps people out.

You can't win!

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

You guys are awesome. I feel right at home. NOONE else here suffers from this. I feel like an alien. How do you cope? Do you just keep doing it? Will it ever get comfortable and "natural"?

I hate to say this. But, I doubt it. The problem is in our mind. Some sort of chemical imbalance or Nueral misfire.

I never had this with my ex gf and I also tend to have it more with guys and people with lighter eyes. It's weird and makes no sense!

 

[TheTemp]

I hate to say this. But, I doubt it. The problem is in our mind. Some sort of chemical imbalance or Nueral misfire.

I never had this with my ex gf and I also tend to have it more with guys and people with lighter eyes. It's weird and makes no sense!

It's in our minds.. does that mean we look completely normal and natural but just can never feel that way? I don't know which one I would rather; look normal but feel abnormal or look abnormal but feel completely normal. I think practice and time will make it more comfortable because with close friends, I can almost feel 100% normal. And as you said, you don't have this problem with your ex gf. Btw ME TOO!! About the light eyes! They're kind of intimidating.

 

[JohnnAY]

I have this issue as well. Try looking between their eyes or the bridge of their nose, no one can tell the difference.