Feeling Sorry for Yourself...

[RedRibbons]

Do you get sick of it?
I am so sick of feeling like I can't do anything.

Do you feel selfish?
I feel extremely selfish for being so helpless and doing fuck all about it. Even though I try.. I obviously don't try hard enough or I wouldn't be here.

Do you feel like a pain to be around anyone?
I feel like I will only bring people down with my bullshit crying and sobbing and whining about how I don't know what to do with my life.

I feel like I take more than I give.. And everything feels wrong inside me. I feel like I don't know my motivations for anything, if I even have motivation to do things. I feel like nothing is pure.. There is no pure fucking reason for anything. I get jealous. I feel inadequate. I feel insecure. I feel selfish. I feel like a failure. I feel not good enough for anyone. I feel like a close-minded asshole fuck!!!

I hate being depressed. Is this depression though? Or is this just another reason. Another reason to hide away like a selfish idiot.. taking and taking and taking and taking and taking and taking.

I feel like I can't love enough. I can't give enough. I can't do enough. And I am just a fuck up.

Where is the me that used to be?? Where did that girl go?? I cared about things. I loved things. I was interested in things. I cared. I CARED. I was not afraid, and I cared. And the older I get the more fucked up and confusing it gets. What is this shit?? What is it?!!

 

[RedRibbons]

I sit here and read my own damn post. And relish in my own self-pitying bullshit. Like this is something so fantastic.. Such an excellent form of self-expression. Such wonderful use of words to convey my emotions and inner turmoil. Wow. I am great! :roll:

 

[RedRibbons]

no no? I am just feeling like a horrible person. heh. forget it.

 

[FreedomFighter]

i feel like you have every right to feel like that , i suffer from the same bull-shit disorder and im getting very tired .

 

[RedRibbons]

Your icon/avatar makes it hard for me to see your sadness or grumpiness.

I am so tired of it too. It's such a ridiculous cycle to get in.. And then getting out of it? I feel hopeless. But... Since I rapid cycle (perhaps).. Or see the err of my ways (perhaps). I am more upbeat now and not going to let this get me down. I just feel like this awful horrible wretched person!!! Maybe I am not though.

I need to do something about it. To give myself. I feel so horrible because I am not willing to give myself to just anything. I feel like all my days of lazing about are gone and over and now it's time to get serious.. And getting serious is scary cause you need to focus on things that are important.

I want to give it all up.. And give myself. *sigh* how? I am in debt, and I have a lease on my place that I am renting. I have responsibilities now. I guess the best thing to do is work on getting through those responsibilities and then not letting myself get tied down to more stuff.. So that I can easily give myself to whatever cause.. I might.

 

[kayelle]

You have every right to feel self-pitying sometimes. What you're going through, and what we're all going through, is HARD! It's not like your life is easy and you're feeling sorry for yourself for no reason. Life isn't easy sometimes, and it's ok to have one of those days, where you feel so full of self pity, I do it too! But hopefully that mood will pass and you'll have good days too, and realise that you're still exactly the same person, but you're having difficulties in your life that some other people can't appreciate, but it will make you all the stronger for getting through it and coming out the other side, which you are more than capable of doing!

 

[kayelle]

Freedom fighter, you're from Ireland? Me too! Where you from?

 

[Marie1988]

what you need to do is stop thinking you are a victim. Like stop thinking that this illness is a curse the world put on you (not saying u actualy think that)
some times its easy to sit back and think about all the coulds, woulds and shoulds without really comming to a conclusion which is useful. also about the part where u said u feel bad for talkign about ur problems all the time. i think, from expereince, the best thing that helps is to stop talking about it. becuase then your not only wollowing your thoughts in self pitty, ur wollowing ur words in self pitty. also i find that it helps when most people dont know about ur problems, so u can just forget about all of ur problems and live more in the now. which is another point, live in the now while planinng toward the future, and only visit the past when u need to. not when u want to.
wat u need to do is take the control back in your life, rather than looking everywhere to give you control. get the control from within yourself.
hope some of this helped u find a direction.

 

[Argamemnon]

I feel guilty for being depressed too, which makes me more depressed and more guilty. How logical!

 

[kayelle]

also about the part where u said u feel bad for talkign about ur problems all the time. i think, from expereince, the best thing that helps is to stop talking about it. becuase then your not only wollowing your thoughts in self pitty, ur wollowing ur words in self pitty. also i find that it helps when most people dont know about ur problems, so u can just forget about all of ur problems and live more in the now.

I'm glad that worked for you, and i'm not trying to disagree or say that what you think is wrong, but i've a totally different experience with talking about my problems. I ignored my depression and my panic and social anxiety for years since i started getting it when I was around 14 and that made it so much worse. Trying to pretend everything was alright and not telling anyone about my problems just meant it got worse and worse until everything I did was a struggle and then eventually I couldn't leave the house! Now I'm working on it thankfully and slowly getting better, but i myself would recommend talking to someone about it. I don't mean complaining to everyone about your problems, or being really self-pitying when you do talk, I just mean finding someone, whether it's a family member or councillor, anybody, to just discuss your worries and thoughts with.
Obviously it's different for everyone, but I would believe that trying to ignore or forget about your problems without facing them does more bad than good.

:wink:

 

[Marie1988]

hey, maybe i wasnt specific enough. i mean you need to talk about it to some one, say a parent, a partner, a theropist, a good friend. i ment more just not to everybody you know, when ever you can. like maybe talk about it to someone every couple of weeks, just not every time you see them or speak to them. because even tho people like to help, they dont like to feel they are taking on your feelings all the time, thats when someone becomes less of a friend and more of a counciler. its not fair to that person and it pushes people away when all they get is peoples problems all the time. im just going by how ive felt in the past. from both sides of the coin.
Ive been depressed where people have got sick of me needing to talk through it, because we already have like 10 times, and i still feel the same, so what else can they say?
and had a friend who ear bashed me all the time about her boy friend, she would phone me and properly talk non stop about shit in her life, in the end i used to hang up and pretend the signal went just to change conversation. she doesnt talk non stop about her shit anymore btw...think she got the hint lol

 

[kayelle]

cool, I totally agree with you! Talk about it when you need to, with someone you can actually have a conversation with about it, but try not to go on about it all the time. Apart from anything, all you'll be focused on when you do that is the bad, when maybe you could be enjoying yourself with that person and having a much needed laugh!