Feeling Really Really Depressed

[S_Spartan]

I got you guys beat. I'm in my early 40s and just moved back in with mom and dad. PLUS I am unemployed AND dealing with depression AND I'm single again. YAY!
I get so jealous because so many people just seem to breeze through life and one good thing leads to another good thing. You know, doors close but more doors open for them. Not for me! Doors just close and I'm stuck back here again.
I do get along well with my parents so that is OK. I do have a car and it's in my name but if there is inclement weather my parents will say things to try to persuade me not to drive. Like I'm 16. The whole thing is demoralizing. Just realize guys that you are NOT alone and there are even some of us out here older and still in the same situation so it could be worse as we are much bigger losers in society's eyes than you are. You still have time.
Me, I have no idea how I'll turn my life around. I feel like a deer in headlights because it seems that whatever I try life/God slaps my hand and says "NO! You can't have that"! And I tell life/God "but other people have that" and life/God replies back and says "that's other people and they need that but I want you here with nothing." So back here I am...

 

[EscapeArtist]

I'm really sorry that you feel this way Lonelyguy.... Is it possible that you could give yourself some really small step to help you out of this mindset, so that you can feel proud of yourself? For instance, just getting up a certain time, to start. When you are able to do something simple, over and over again, you feel like you're accomplishing something, then you bump up your goal a little tiny bit higher ( BUT NOT TOO HIGH! We're aiming for simle..) I find if you are proud of your actions, you feel better about yourself no matter what society says, and if you are fighting against your ailments, you are proud of yourself. I don't know what I can say to help but I feel for you . But if you're not looking for advice, rather than a listening ear, this post says i heard ya

 

[cowboyup]

I got you guys beat. I'm in my early 40s and just moved back in with mom and dad. PLUS I am unemployed AND dealing with depression AND I'm single again. YAY!
I get so jealous because so many people just seem to breeze through life and one good thing leads to another good thing. You know, doors close but more doors open for them. Not for me! Doors just close and I'm stuck back here again.
I do get along well with my parents so that is OK. I do have a car and it's in my name but if there is inclement weather my parents will say things to try to persuade me not to drive. Like I'm 16. The whole thing is demoralizing. Just realize guys that you are NOT alone and there are even some of us out here older and still in the same situation so it could be worse as we are much bigger losers in society's eyes than you are. You still have time.
Me, I have no idea how I'll turn my life around. I feel like a deer in headlights because it seems that whatever I try life/God slaps my hand and says "NO! You can't have that"! And I tell life/God "but other people have that" and life/God replies back and says "that's other people and they need that but I want you here with nothing." So back here I am...

^wow, Spartan, sounds like you and I are in pretty much the same boat. I am also in my early 40s, lost my job, so I had to move in with my brother and sister in law. I watch their kids. When I was younger, I watched my brother and sister. Now I am watching their kids. My parents are dead so it's just us. It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, right?

 

[S_Spartan]

^wow, Spartan, sounds like you and I are in pretty much the same boat. I am also in my early 40s, lost my job, so I had to move in with my brother and sister in law. I watch their kids. When I was younger, I watched my brother and sister. Now I am watching their kids. My parents are dead so it's just us. It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, right?

You got that right! What light? Heck, I don't even know if I see a tunnel anymore! It really takes a toll because it's so far from what society "expects" from us. I certainly try to ignore society but it's still in my head and some days I just feel like crying(and I'm a guy). Sometimes it feels like if you haven't followed "the script" then you are left out. An outcast!
That's terrible that you lost your parents. I do still have my parents but they sometimes treat me like a child. There are times I have to remind them that I'm a 40 YEAR OLD MAN!
I don't know what I'm going to do now. I feel like I'm too old to try again but too young to quit. I'm just in a catatonic state now. It's like any ideas have totally left my head and now I'm stuck with the depression and watching other people's success.
Everyday I pray for some good luck. But nuttin' yet.

 

[ForWantOf]

Lonelyguy, we have much in common. If you lived in the northern New Jersey area, I'd say we should get together and go bowling, except I don't like bowling. So I'd suggest we do something else.

I don't have answers for you, though. Suicide can sound comforting, I know it, but you've got a bit of edge that you don't realize. You've hit rock bottom. You say your parents won't let you do anything, but what can they do? If you're seriously thinking about killing yourself, you may as well throw a hail mary. Take the car. What are they gonna' do? Throw you in prison? You're in prison now; you said so yourself.

Doesn't even have to be that drastic, just start taking some risks. You've got nothing to lose.

 

[MikeyC]

If you lived in the northern New Jersey area, I'd say we should get together and go bowling, except I don't like bowling. So I'd suggest we do something else.

I found this really funny for some reason.

I don't have answers for you, though. Suicide can sound comforting, I know it, but you've got a bit of edge that you don't realize. You've hit rock bottom. You say your parents won't let you do anything, but what can they do? If you're seriously thinking about killing yourself, you may as well throw a hail mary. Take the car. What are they gonna' do? Throw you in prison? You're in prison now; you said so yourself.

Doesn't even have to be that drastic, just start taking some risks. You've got nothing to lose.

Yeah, pretty much agreed here. :thumbup:

 

[S_Spartan]

you may as well throw a hail mary. Take the car. What are they gonna' do? Throw you in prison? You're in prison now; you said so yourself.

Doesn't even have to be that drastic, just start taking some risks. You've got nothing to lose.

I'm starting to run with this idea myself. Taking more risks because at this point I have nothing to lose. It does feel good to take some risks even if they are just small ones.

 

[gummybear22]

i think you should go for some kind of online job since you can't really leave your house cuz of your parents. that way, you can make money and eventually leave, and you can still have a job no matter where you move to. and when you get enough for a car or whatever, you can get an in person job if you want.

 

[cowboyup]

You got that right! What light? Heck, I don't even know if I see a tunnel anymore! It really takes a toll because it's so far from what society "expects" from us. I certainly try to ignore society but it's still in my head and some days I just feel like crying(and I'm a guy). Sometimes it feels like if you haven't followed "the script" then you are left out. An outcast!
That's terrible that you lost your parents. I do still have my parents but they sometimes treat me like a child. There are times I have to remind them that I'm a 40 YEAR OLD MAN!
I don't know what I'm going to do now. I feel like I'm too old to try again but too young to quit. I'm just in a catatonic state now. It's like any ideas have totally left my head and now I'm stuck with the depression and watching other people's success.
Everyday I pray for some good luck. But nuttin' yet.

I can, in all honesty, relate to you. Yup, the societal expectations are seemingly so grandiose that after you are over that '40' threshold, you get 'bullied' all over again with tons of questions as to why one is not of the 'norm' standard.
Thanks, re: parents. I am similar to you regarding being in a 'just existing' catatonic state. I frequent that state quite often.

 

[S_Spartan]

I can, in all honesty, relate to you. Yup, the societal expectations are seemingly so grandiose that after you are over that '40' threshold, you get 'bullied' all over again with tons of questions as to why one is not of the 'norm' standard.
Thanks, re: parents. I am similar to you regarding being in a 'just existing' catatonic state. I frequent that state quite often.

I think that people are just starting to think I'm a lost cause. I honestly think they would have more respect for me if I was some kind of criminal who was in and out of prison that way they would have something to hold on to and they could say "oh there goes that criminal guy, but he was always nice to me! I sure hope he can get his life together. Maybe we should help him!" This way they can just say "what does that guy do? Oh that guy who lives with his parents, sad. He had so much potential but he is a loser and that's why we don't like him." It's not like I haven't done anything in my life. I've had jobs, relationships, and I've been able to move out for a few years but it always falls apart and back here I am! Do not pass go, do not collect $100!
To make it worse pretty much everyone around me my age has been "successful" so I always get to hear about their latest success. I swear other people just "fall into" the greatest stuff. It's like they just get up and think "I'll think I'll go into quantum physics today" and later the phone rings and the person on the other end asks "hey we have an opening here at the lab and even though you only have an associate's degree in criminology we thought you'd be a good fit." At this point I would have to struggle just to get a job putting chips on a shelf at some crummy store and I'm sure I would even be rejected for that! Actually I would be ignored altogether!

 

[findnemo10]

I know this is an old post. I really hope you're okay. I'm the same way, with similar controlling parents, even to this day. I don't have a lot of job experience under my belt either and it depresses me. Hang in there.

 

[DanielLewis]

The virgin thing is irrelevant to women. At least, it should be. For one, you don't have to tell them you're a virgin. Secondly, if they do find out and judge you as not good enough for them because of that, then screw them. They just showed how shallow they are, meaning they're not good enough for you.

As for everything else, you just gotta move forward. It can be difficult when you feel so depressed, but keep pushing forward. It takes courage and strength to do that. Quitting by killing yourself is, honestly, cowardly. You die trying before you kill yourself. Suicide is also selfish. It's something you do only for yourself because you want to stop the pain you feel. Realize that as long as you're living in this world, you have the power to positively impact others everyday in the smallest of ways.

 

[grapevine]

Its horrible when you feel you don't measure up to what 'society' expects. I dont know if this is good advice, but when Ive been very depressed- thats my cue to hit rock bottom, to care for myself , to lie in bed, to give up on the world for a while, to say to hell with everything and just indulge in giving yourself a break, give my energy back to me and question why I feel the way I do and what I can do to feel better and change.
I wonder if you can go to the doctors and get some sort of medical certificate to allow you a break for while in taking the pressure off finding work for while?

As for the women thing, well Ive been besotted with a guy that is unemployed, lives in the garage of his parents place and probably is a virgin and he is 32..