cowboyup
Well-known member
I don't even really know why. My back is really hurting me. I spoke with my grandma the other day and mentioned it and every time I say something, her response is always, "You're too young for that"
Well, then is it all in my head? Are the Migraines all fake? My depression? My Anger?
Apparently I have nothing to be depressed about, angry, sad, the migraines even if I get physically sick over them, I am just too young for all this.
So, there's an age limit as to when one is supposed to feel these things.
(rhetorical)
Today - and it's been building - I feel extremely angry, sad, very depressed and scared for my future. I can not see a way out of my situation and I am 43 years old. I told my sister that I am going to be pushing 50 by the time I get back out into the real world (if that will ever happen) and she pointed out that I will be stigmatized...Gee, ya think? Thanks for pointing out the obvious.
I am sorry, I am getting sarcastic and snarky due to depressing thoughts.
The family went hiking. But I opted out because of my back. In a few days, we are going to California for a few days and I am dreading it...all the fake laughter, smiles and faking being happy, especially around the kids.
Stupid. But I promised I'd go - they bought the tickets so I am locked into this deal. No backing out. Unless I die. Which some days, like today- I want to die.
I burst into tears (don't know really why) after I heard the door close and knew they were all gone out of the house.
Whenever my brother has asked what the matter is, I tell him I am depressed...but he doesn't get it - which further angers me and then to add insult to injury, he adds, "why" "what do you have to be depressed about"
Honestly, and I know it is the depression speaking, but I can't see a way out of this &$&$^!! I got myself into and I am scared for my future. I feel like I am going to die leaching off my brother, while holding some one else's kid.
There's nothing for me.
But according to everyone else, apparently I am too young to feel this way and I am being selfish and stupid.
Just venting....Not a good day
:crying:
Well, then is it all in my head? Are the Migraines all fake? My depression? My Anger?
Apparently I have nothing to be depressed about, angry, sad, the migraines even if I get physically sick over them, I am just too young for all this.
So, there's an age limit as to when one is supposed to feel these things.
(rhetorical)
Today - and it's been building - I feel extremely angry, sad, very depressed and scared for my future. I can not see a way out of my situation and I am 43 years old. I told my sister that I am going to be pushing 50 by the time I get back out into the real world (if that will ever happen) and she pointed out that I will be stigmatized...Gee, ya think? Thanks for pointing out the obvious.
I am sorry, I am getting sarcastic and snarky due to depressing thoughts.
The family went hiking. But I opted out because of my back. In a few days, we are going to California for a few days and I am dreading it...all the fake laughter, smiles and faking being happy, especially around the kids.
Stupid. But I promised I'd go - they bought the tickets so I am locked into this deal. No backing out. Unless I die. Which some days, like today- I want to die.
I burst into tears (don't know really why) after I heard the door close and knew they were all gone out of the house.
Whenever my brother has asked what the matter is, I tell him I am depressed...but he doesn't get it - which further angers me and then to add insult to injury, he adds, "why" "what do you have to be depressed about"
Honestly, and I know it is the depression speaking, but I can't see a way out of this &$&$^!! I got myself into and I am scared for my future. I feel like I am going to die leaching off my brother, while holding some one else's kid.
There's nothing for me.
But according to everyone else, apparently I am too young to feel this way and I am being selfish and stupid.
Just venting....Not a good day
:crying:
.