Feeling like I need to run away

[MFDunn]

I know that I just graduated from college with a business degree and I have my whole life in front of me pretty much but I just feel like my life is going to suck even more now and I don't really know exactly what I want to do...I have OCD, social anxiety and depression.

I have a couple close friends and that's pretty much it....I haven't had a girlfriend in 6+ years and the last one I had treated me like shit, I have no job, pretty much no money, and I constantly worry about how I look and what other people think of me. People tell me that I'm good looking but I constantly think I'm ugly and I hate having pictures of me taken, looking at pictures of myself and even seeing my reflection in the mirror.

My family is supportive of me but I've been feeling like this off and on (mostly on) since high school and I've gotten really good at hiding my emotions and making it seem like I'm ok when I'm really not deep down.

But I just have been getting this urge to runaway from my family and everyone I know to try to start over but I have nowhere to go and I have no money so obviously life on my own would be very hard to say the least.

I know that I won't run away but it's just a weird urge.

Has anyone else felt like this?

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

Yeah, I think everyone has! I have the same illnesses and relate to much of your experience. Just focus on working on your self esteem. Things won't get better until you start liking and accepting yourself.....anything else, your just spinning your wheels.

 

[Marc7]

I understand what your going through I feel like running away because I'm so scared of going to a trade school or college as I have lack of motivation. Even getting a job I don't have enough motivation to get a job and plus I can't a job with the way I speak and lack of enthusiasm. Plus I have ocd, depression, and sad like you. But anyway you should think positive of getting a job (if you have the motivation) and never going to college (if you had a bad time or if you plan on going to get your masters) ever again.

 

[MFDunn]

Thank you guys for your response. I'm glad I'm not alone

 

[MollyBeGood]

I know that feeling well. It will pass or you will find a cool subculture and we will all admire you for joining.

 

[Marc7]

Thank you guys for your response. I'm glad I'm not alone

No problem

 

[jaim38]

I just graduated too, and have taken business courses - which I had to do presentations in. Scared the heck out of me, but it wasn't so bad. I'm the opposite. When I was younger I fled from home and lived in different cities, attending college there, but it didn't work out at all. I had to move around a lot. I was something like the lost wanderer, never fitting in, being hated, and not knowing what I want to do in life. Well I finally came back home, settled down, and from then on got a 2nd chance at life.

 

[Genata]

I just graduated too, and have taken business courses - which I had to do presentations in. Scared the heck out of me, but it wasn't so bad. I'm the opposite. When I was younger I fled from home and lived in different cities, attending college there, but it didn't work out at all. I had to move around a lot. I was something like the lost wanderer, never fitting in, being hated, and not knowing what I want to do in life. Well I finally came back home, settled down, and from then on got a 2nd chance at life.

How come? I didn't get you. How did you get a second chance, out of nothing? What did you start doing when you got back home? And how did you remain so positive and all, after you have been hated and rejected all your life?

 

[jaim38]

How come? I didn't get you. How did you get a second chance, out of nothing? What did you start doing when you got back home? And how did you remain so positive and all, after you have been hated and rejected all your life?

It was rough out there. I was in another city, had almost no friends or couldn't count on them for support, and was very pessimistic/suspicious/cynical of people in general. It didn't help that everywhere I went, there was at least a group of people who hated me. Plus living with my brother was the biggest mistake ever.

When I got back home, I became agoraphobic. I shielded myself from the negativity outside, I did everything in the safety of my own home. Thank God a local school offers online courses, which I took. For the first time in a long time, I actually cared about what I'm learning; compared to when I took offline, in person classes, I had to deal with classmates/TAs who hated me so my grades suffered and I wasn't able to derive any joy from learning.

But, I think the biggest favor I did for myself (and the one with the most impact) is trying to figure out what the heck is wrong with me. I came upon the terms social anxiety, social phobia, etc and found this site. For so many years, I was scared of people but was in denial and didn't want to admit it. I finally confronted my fears.

I wasn't always positive of course. When I got back home, I was in terrible shape. 20 lbs overweight, depressed, scared of people, negative, and not motivated at all. It's only recently that I made an effort to be positive. What helps is telling myself to stop being a people pleaser, cutting negative people from my life, surrounding myself with positive ones, finding my passion, and living life at my own pace. Even though I've been rejected almost all my life and hated so severely, there are still a couple of people who liked me and became my friends, and they're the ones who matter.

 

[MFDunn]

I wasn't always positive of course. When I got back home, I was in terrible shape. 20 lbs overweight, depressed, scared of people, negative, and not motivated at all. It's only recently that I made an effort to be positive. What helps is telling myself to stop being a people pleaser, cutting negative people from my life, surrounding myself with positive ones, finding my passion, and living life at my own pace. Even though I've been rejected almost all my life and hated so severely, there are still a couple of people who liked me and became my friends, and they're the ones who matter.

I can definitely relate to some of your experiences. I was picked on and made fun of a lot growing up, and in the past and even today still sometimes (but not as much) I've done a lot of trying to figure out what people think of me and wondering what their motives are. Sometimes when I first meet people I wonder if they think I'm a weirdo or since a couple girls that were friends for whatever reason called me creepy I now sometimes wonder if girls that I meet or talk to sometimes think I'm creepy too....(ever since those F***ing stupid girls said that my confidence has been shattered)

But I'm def a people pleaser and I need to start to take your approach to life

 

[MFDunn]

I forgot to add this earlier, but I really don't think that people actually hated you. Come on. Why would people in a new place hate you? It's weird for me sometimes too because I think my brain will trick me into thinking like that if I focus too much of my energy on worrying about how other people feel because in the end it's only your opinions, thoughts and feelings that truly matter in those situations. If some random person truly doesn't like you then why put any stock into it? They don't know you and how you really are so just think "whatever, this random person is an a**hole", always consider the source, and move on with your day.

(And I'm having a change of tone because I just had a long talk with my family when I was really upset and they helped me see things clearer and helped me realize how much I have going for me)