Feeling depressed over possible lack of future

[ForeverBlue2]

I guess this is a silly question but do most of you get stressed and depressed over the thought of your life not changing and forever being alone with limited or no social contacts. While around you people are living fairly exciting and fulfilling lives?
I have been thinking about it more and more lately. My dad passed away in April and I have lived with my mum pretty much all my life except for a few months here and there. I have now moved to the UK for a 'better' life but internally I feel like I am just going to be living the same life but just in a different location. I am now 36 and feel there is no future for me out there. I wonder what will happen to me and how I will deal with my mum not being around either. She is the closest person to me and the one person I can be myself and comfortable around. Without her I feel like there will always be something missing out of my life.
When I think about how I can change or improve my life it just seems so hard and I don't think I have the motivation or energy to do it. So therefore I am stuck in the same rut I have always been. On top of that I am unemployed and looking to live somewhere permanent so all that is a stress in itself.
So where to from here? Just take each day as it comes and stop stressing and suffer the consequences of a non-existent, wasted life? Or constantly be stressed out over trying to change my life?

 

[userremoved]

Not really that silly, I think a lot of people with or without social problems get depressed when they think everyone is happier and better off than them. What do you enjoy doing in life? I wouldn't say life is wasted if you can spend it doing the things you like, even if you do have to do it by yourself.

 

[dooby-duck]

It sounds like you've had a lot of changes to deal with recently. So it's probably the change and uncertainty which makes things feel that way. You shouldn't really compare yourself to others, because you always seem to compare yourself to those who are successful and not the miserable ones. I just tell myself that I am going at my own pace and will achieve what I want to achieve eventually.

I know what you mean about being stuck in a rut. If you take things one step at a time you can move forward. I think if you can get some pleasure from a hobby or something it can help lift the depressing thoughts.

 

[mikestar]

I feel depressed every day thinking about my future. Im forever waiting for things to happen and it really takes my energy away. At the moment Im stuck waiting for my parents to move house, So I can return home...Long story if you want to know pm me.
I feel that I cant progress/move on whilst living where I am now, Its not my home and im not with people I love...My Mum was always there and she is the best person in the world, I never want to be away from her and the last year has been Hell.
I Wouldnt be able to work, or go out and enjoy myself at the moment, cos I knew I wouldnt be coming home to a loving family. Where else could I get away with eating as much junk as possible and staying up all night

Some people might think Im sad and not very independent,always waiting for mummy...yer I am but aint that what everyone needs at some point

Honestly I dont know how im going to cope if this house moving crap goes on for another year::

 

[Richey]

My future in terms of security and a career this year has me shaking in my boots, i'm finishing off a course but tutors are informing me that the course is now useless because of the market. but i will try to find an entry level job either way.
i recently moved back with my parents (which is like living with the strict headmasters) so having a happy time is rare, and moving out with my current casual income would get me nowhere, i'd be sleeping in my car. because i'm young and fit i'd be alright until i eventually found a flat but everything is really dark for me at the moment, it being a time of recession means the timing of this is laughable, i have to keep my sense of humour otherwise what else do i have? most of my friends my age(who i dont really speak to anymore), early twenties are well into careers with houses and girlfriends ...

seriously its like im stuck in a nightmare. i'm also starting to become jealous alot more then usual. I was recently reading Louis Theroux's wikipedia, i'm so envious of certain people who just grew up with ignorant bliss in a happy life, sure they would have setbacks but they had it all going for them and were set up from the start.

i just want to make some friends again, i really miss that and not having any for a while now is starting to send me a little wacky, for instance sometimes i pretend there is someone sitting next to me so i'll talk and then respond, really odd but that just shows how much i miss it.

its all so unpredictable at the moment, everything could work out fine but it could all go pear shaped as well if i dont pass the course or i dont find some work in the field.

 

[WelshOne]

ForeverBlue, my advice would be to take one day at a time and not think too much about the future.

Doing so is like standing at the bottom of Mount Everest and looking up at the summit, knowing you have to make the climb. It's daunting, to say the least. However, if you just take one day at a time you'll realise in 6, 12 or 24 months time (doesn't matter how long) that you've made heaps of progress and achieved things you really didn't think you'd be able to do with SA. Of course though, it's necessary to make those all important baby steps during that time.

I find it REALLY helpful to have a goal in life, also. Mine is to join the RAF, which will be a real achievement for someone with SA, I think. It gives me motivation, and kind of gives me confidence when I'm in public, too.

Edit: Also, if you're living in the UK now, why not see a GP and ask for a referral to a psychologist? One good thing about the UK's health service is being able to have all sorts of mental health support for free. I also have an Occupational Therapist who helps me a LOT by meeting with me in public places each week, slowly giving me more and more exposure.

 

[iamthenra]

I guess this is a silly question but do most of you get stressed and depressed over the thought of your life not changing and forever being alone with limited or no social contacts. While around you people are living fairly exciting and fulfilling lives?
I have been thinking about it more and more lately. My dad passed away in April and I have lived with my mum pretty much all my life except for a few months here and there. I have now moved to the UK for a 'better' life but internally I feel like I am just going to be living the same life but just in a different location. I am now 36 and feel there is no future for me out there. I wonder what will happen to me and how I will deal with my mum not being around either. She is the closest person to me and the one person I can be myself and comfortable around. Without her I feel like there will always be something missing out of my life.
When I think about how I can change or improve my life it just seems so hard and I don't think I have the motivation or energy to do it. So therefore I am stuck in the same rut I have always been. On top of that I am unemployed and looking to live somewhere permanent so all that is a stress in itself.
So where to from here? Just take each day as it comes and stop stressing and suffer the consequences of a non-existent, wasted life? Or constantly be stressed out over trying to change my life?

OMG!!! I am so glad that there is someone who is going through the same exact thought patterns as I am...!!! The only difference is I am 41 and still living with my mom. My father passed away March 3, 2002 and I have been taking care of her and her belongings... Being alone and without a girlfriend my whole life, IS the source of my depression. Lack of romance and intimacy for me is a big deal, and it is one thing I want to experience before I die... It just doesn't seem to be a reachable goal with the amount of SA and depression. It's way too difficult to meet people outside the internet.

 

[thor01]

OMG!!! I am so glad that there is someone who is going through the same exact thought patterns as I am...!!! The only difference is I am 41 and still living with my mom. My father passed away March 3, 2002 and I have been taking care of her and her belongings... Being alone and without a girlfriend my whole life, IS the source of my depression. Lack of romance and intimacy for me is a big deal, and it is one thing I want to experience before I die... It just doesn't seem to be a reachable goal with the amount of SA and depression. It's way too difficult to meet people outside the internet.

That is definitely one of my main causes of depression too, and yeah SA really makes it difficult to meet people outside the internet.

 

[dream]

Omg, I can totally relate yes, i speak to my friends and see it with my own eyes that people in there twenties have finished school,are either working ,socializing being involved in a long term realtionship, shopping driving normal fun things people take for granted! I'm the odd one out i don't no i feel i have gave up since i put on weight and have problems with my skin again:S i just have no energy!I want to smack my self to reality!I'm lossing my grip i don't no how to be me again the calm,cool collected girl who people admire ahhh

 

[recluse]

I'm sorry to hear about your dad. I don't know what to suggest because i feel the same way. I do know that only i can help myself to beat sa but i don't have the motivation. I had to quit my cbt becasue after almost a year of therapy i hadn't made any progress, i was going to the sessions and sitting there for an hour, the advice my therapist was giving me just going in one ear and out of the other. I just can't see myself progressing at all, i'm just waiting to die basically so i don't have to suffer anymore.

 

[zlench]

Yes I can relate because I feel that my life is at a standstill and not going anywhere it's just the same rubbish week in week out. The only thing that motivates me some what is my job and I'm not going hold on to that forever. I do to try to hope that I will change and my life will get better one day because I look at my sister who is younger than me and she is ten times more independant than me and she actually has a life something that I barely have.

 

[ForeverBlue2]

thanks for all your replies. It does seem to be a problem for many of us to see a way out of the depths of despair. If you had hope that things will change for the better in the future we would be much better off but that is wishful thinking if you are stuck in the same routine and behaviours.
Sometimes you hope that someone or a situation will come along that will change your life and give you hope and confidence and then your whole life turns around.
I am starting to get really jealous of other people when I am out and about. I see all these teenagers with their big group of friends or the girlfriend/boyfriends and I realise how much I have missed out on. I see people with their children or going out on hen parties dressed up really crazy with huge smiles on their faces and I think that's never going to be me.
Sometimes I think that when I come to the end of my life and I look back on it I am going to be so sad that I never really did anything or was never really happy and enjoyed myself.

 

[Fighter86]

I understand what you mean, for some 5 years, with the exception of a couple months here and there, I was secluded at home, I didn't do anything, nothing appealed to me. And then, I realised I REALLY wasen't getting any younger, and HAD to do something so I looked for a job, abit having had only basic education, I was deprived of tietiary education which I attempted due to SA. Anyway, I have worked at my job for 6 months, and really, I don't know if anything has changed or if this is a transition stage I'm going though. I am terribly emotional at work, I either cry, swear or pull a long face at work when meeting troubles. I don't do it on purpose, I do what I do becuase I lose control of my emotions. I think the whole office practically thinks I'm some sort of lunatic, and some people probably know I have no friends at all, which really is embarressing. And then there's the issue of my crush, I know this sounds silly but I actually don't want him to know, and he probably knows I have no friends too, he actually once asked me 'what would make me more lively?' A total jackass I know, I don't even know what I was and am thinking having a crush on him. When he said those crappy stuff to me, I swear I was blushing, good lord, if this goes on, he would know about the crush, damn it. At least, the job gives me some structure in my life, in the past, one day melts into the other, but now, at least I actually have to wake up at a certain time and do a certain thing, which is work so at least I am doing something productive, but I am still as restless as ever, and nothing ever interests me, nothing at all. I thought about resigning, but then, if I resign, I could find a worse job, and the first two jobs I had were unsuccessful, and I would be back to a square one of being home everyday and doing nothing, which still happens to me on the weekends. I sleep 16 hrs a day on the weekends when I'm not working, but at the same time, its not like I actually feel like going out even if I had friends.