Feel unsupportive?

[GillyMarie]

Hi guys, I was just wondering about how you feel about family get togethers, and if you feel looked down on, because of your lack of interest and unsupportiveness . I feel my family have no idea of how anxious I get. Have a few family members who would like to see me "pull myself together" and get on with it.. And I understand that we need to try, but it seems like I have been "trying" my whole damn life... and I am tired!

 

[gustavofring]

Yeah I can relate to that. Non-SA family members often don't understand what SA is exactly and misinterpret a lot of my behavior. Like, not calling. It's true that I should make a bit more effort to stay in touch, but after a while, people don't really have the patience for you anymore and write you off as being uninterested or uncaring. Or as a non-achiever, etc.

I've thought about setting up a letter to some family (my older brother and sister) in which I in all honesty explain my mental situation, but I fear they won't understand or that the letter will be unnecessarily over-dramatic.

It also seems that once you've established a certain view of yourself around people (family) and they perceive you a certain way (shy) it's uncredibly hard to snap out of that.

 

[Shyangel]

Yup, gilly, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I don't get along to well with half of my family.
I'm not sure if it's their fault or if it's just my awkwardness.

 

[Moo]

I totally avoid family get togethers. It's a step too far for me. I feel awful for doing it but I really can't face it. Thankfully my extended family rarely meets up anyway and I also have a small family to begin with. I don't want those constant questions about my life or sitting awkwardly and not being able to say anything. Anyway, yeah, I do feel bad about it. I remind myself that I'm not actually a bad or uncaring person, I'm the opposite.

 

[GillyMarie]

There's a farewell "party" tonight at the local pub, for my niece who is going to work in another country. I have been asked to go. To "try" as the family numbers who are coming are ridiculously low as it is. The pressures on.. the guilt.... The turmoil.. Decisions.. If I could only grow a set!! ::

 

[Shyangel]

There's a farewell "party" tonight at the local pub, for my niece who is going to work in another country. I have been asked to go. To "try" as the family numbers who are coming are ridiculously low as it is. The pressures on.. the guilt.... The turmoil.. Decisions.. If I could only grow a set!! ::

Your not alone in these feelings, that's for sure. I probably would handle it worse then you so don't feel so bad.

 

[GillyMarie]

You seem just a nice person Shyangel, Thank you for your support. I really appreciate it. ::

 

[OceanMist]

I don't care if my family looks down on me. I'm doing what I want. If that's not good enough for them, then that's their problem.

I think it's stupid how society expects everyone to adhere to the whole "you must marry and have kids or you aren't normal" thing. I'm living my life to please myself, not family members.

I just don't see how people with an anxiety disorder can compare themselves to other people and be happy with their lives. I'd rather just focus on myself and make myself as happy as possible.

 

[Nathália]

If I could only grow a set!! ::

You do have a set and tough skin. I understand the constant bantering and it takes alot to just deal with it then when you explain your self it's like talking to a brick wall sometimes. Ignore their comments and don't let them get to you ( bounce them off).

 

[GillyMarie]

Well after debating obsessively on just what to do.. I've decided Not to go.. "Giving in" to the Social Anxiety Monster... Not feeling too great about that, BUT, I am relieved in another sense for pretty obvious reasons.... My Anxiety this evening would be too big, and obvious, and soul destroying... There is always the chance of course it may have worked out better than I expected, which would help with my self esteem........ and progress.. my progress usually works with one step forward 2 steps back.. So is it really even worth it in the first place. Overthinking, overthinking... Mind needs to rest.