feedback on my final song (:

[Liam17]

Yeah this is my final song, then i'm off away to make them and put them on an album, thanks for all the feedback on the other songs it helped.

Not all of them are going to be on my bands demo album, but its good to know what are the best ones

I haven't slept all night :/ so i wrote it, hope you like it


I’m full of words, but i don’t know how to say
the things that are caught in my mind.
If i had a chance, I’d give the words a pray,
But there still caught in my mind.
If i could only find, a better place to stay.
Because i don’t want to be here
a day.

Cause i’m running out of time.
Could we fly away, and climb,
This towns up and down.
Hoping it will be fine,
It’s not enough, anymore
I’m running out of time.

I’m lost in the sand,
Why don’t you bury me apart.
In this promised land.
In my empty heart.
I hope for a better place,
Could i be with you forever and a day?

In the morning rain,
Would it take away the pain.
waking up next to the window,
Nothing left to see or feel.

Cause i’m running out of time.
Could we fly away, and climb,
This towns up and down.
Hoping it will be fine,
It’s not enough, till you drown
I’m running out of time.

 

[Phoenixx]

For the first verse, I would say "another day" instead of "a day". I think that would make it flow a little better. Other than that the song is pretty good. Good luck on the album. :]

 

[Confuseddd]

Do post some of your finished music ! That would be interesting to hear! Do you have a lead singer?

 

[Liam17]

Thanks i think i am going to make some minor changes for it to flow better.

Yeah i will.

We sorta have an audition for someone, to see if there good. Hopefully there are, and we can start some demo's