Fearing that death is inevitable

[RonFrank]

March 30, 2012.

This is the day where all of these thoughts came in my head and has been bothering me ever since.

It was around 2am, i was trying to go to sleep when these thoughts of me dying and ceasing to exist popped up in my head. All of a sudden, im starting to get hot, my heart is beating fast, and it felt like i was trapped in my own head and im trying to get out. I quickly ran to the bathroom and splashed some cold water on my face and on the back of my neck to try to make this feeling go away.

After i calmed down a little, i tried to go back to bed but i only ended up getting 2 hours of sleep because i was still freaking out that i was going to die someday.
I started to wish that i wasn't ever born so i wouldn't have to have these feelings.

After this happened, i started to think why do i even have to bother living my life if i wasn't going to feel like i lived a good life after i die? Since im far from religious my thought on the idea is "I'll be dead, i wont feel anything, only nothingness."

I started losing my appetite, wasn't focusing at work, and wasn't feeling affectionate towards my girlfriend.

At the moment, im not living comfortably. I living with a mother who decided to retire while i was in high school, which cause my big brother who im also living with, to try and pay most of the bills at home. As soon as i was done with high school, i had to also work to help out. Couldn't really afford to go to college. Didn't have the time or money.

I don't talk to my family, having a conversation would be awkward because all we ever worry about is working and what are we are going to eat today.

Im so lucky to have my girlfriend of 3 years right now because she is basically the only person i can comfortably talk to. But when i told her what was happening to me right now, she really cant understand what im feeling so right now i feel like im alone. She is trying hard to calm me down because of the love she has for me.

These death thoughts are now popping up in flashes throughout random times of the day and i don't think i can deal with it. Just now, i had a thought what if i have to live with this problem until i die, and i had a brief panic attack.

I just don't know what to do to make this stop. I just want to go back to the time before these thoughts and feelings came to me, the time where i didn't worry about dying or feel like im trapped in a body that cant control these feelings.

 

[deleted #89]

I think that death "feels" something like this : “Try to imagine what it will be like to go to sleep and never wake up... now try to imagine what it was like to wake up having never gone to sleep.” Allan Watts

 

[Brexin]

You need to take a deep breathe, and just relax. Your age might have something to do with these thoughts you are having... Maybe your unhappy with your life and scared that you life is just wasting away? You shouldnt really be worrying about death right now, but rather you should be thinking about how you can be making the most of each day

 

[powerfulthoughts]

You're having panic attacks, and all that anxiety is not good for your mind. Relax, have a few beers, calm your mind with pleasing thoughts. Your thoughts are just getting away from you, and you need to find ways to slow down your thoughts which spike your anxiety. I went through the exact same thing when I was younger. It was hell but I got through it. False beliefs and exaggerated imaginations are getting to you. Find ways to release your anxiety. Working out, less caffiene, more water, maybe a few beers. you'll be alright.

 

[montejocarlo]

It was around 2am, i was trying to go to sleep when these thoughts of me dying and ceasing to exist popped up in my head. All of a sudden, im starting to get hot, my heart is beating fast, and it felt like i was trapped in my own head and im trying to get out. I quickly ran to the bathroom and splashed some cold water on my face and on the back of my neck to try to make this feeling go away.

deja vu. it 1st happened to me when i was in high school- summer vacation. i had been staying at home for weeks without going out or doing anything. there was nothing to think about: no tests, no assignments, no projects. i enjoyed it at first. but weeks later, i started to have dark thoughts about death and how everything is expendable. it was scary enough but it didn't stop there. later, i would find myself desperate to find meaning. i felt that everything around me was hollow and empty: my books, the furniture, the tv, even my parents and myself. there's no point to existence. i began to question life: why am i even here?

i honestly thought i was going to lose it. lol. i couldn't even tell my parents. nobody could help me. it felt like i was being smothered and that the world was closing in on me. even until now, i can't be sure if it was sheer luck that i found my way out. i remember thinking about a storm and how at the center of it you'll find its calmest point.

use that fear and anxiety to discover something indestructible inside you.

“If you don't know how to die, don't worry; Nature will tell you what to do on the spot, fully and adequately. She will do this job perfectly for you; don't bother your head about it." -Michel de Montaigne

every creature only need to die once, but we do it every time we stop and worry. the best way to enjoy a journey is not to focus on the destination but on the journey itself.

 

[RonFrank]

Looks like people had ways to make this feeling go away but i been reading people's post around in the forum and some people actually stay with this same issue for years.

Just thinking about that is freaking me out. It seems i will never go back to the time that thinking about death didn't really bother me. Now, im having difficulty watching the news showing someone that died young or hearing something similar from people around me.

Adding to that, somehow i recently had a panic attack last night because i thought what if i have glaucoma (which causes blindness), all because of the fact that i wear glasses and my eyes felt heavy at the time. I really hope i don't have some kind of problem where everything would cause me to have a panic attack.

For now, the main thing that's still bothering me is the inevitable death. I want to discover a way to see if i can get my mind back to normal. I don't want to live life feeling i have to struggle inside my own head to live it.

 

[YellowBird]

i think it's something everyone who thinks has to live with,it only means you are alive,you aren't dead inside to have these thoughts.Maybe you'll never find satisfying enough answers,but what matters is that you've started your journey towards the truth,you have waken up.

 

[RonFrank]

Status update,
It's been over a week since the beginning of one of the most scariest moment of my life where all these weird thoughts and feelings rushed into me.

Giving up...
At this moment, it feels like it progressed from fearing the future of me dying to just giving up on everything because i was going to die. I haven't had really big panic attacks for always 2 days now but now im dealing with really bad depression.

I'm still not eating well....
only had a little piece of a tuna sandwich when i woke up this morning, it is now past 10pm. It feels like the depression mixed with the death thoughts is causing self-neglect. "Im going to die in the end, why should i waste any effort of getting something to eat", this is what sometimes pop in my mind but im trying to suppress these thoughts.
By suppressing it, its causing me too be depressed even more because it looks like my mind is my own enemy.

Trying to find my goal in life...
Was thinking i should start a family, but of course these thoughts kick in, "why have kids if they are going to die anyway. Might as well not put them through that."
These thoughts bothers me a lot.

Envy...
Envious of people that don't have these thoughts, especially kids.
Ignorance is indeed bliss. Envious of people that can actually afford to visit therapists and psychiatrists for their problems for where i have to deal with this on my own.

This is literally killing me right now. I have people tell me "it will pass" or "you can get over it" but i theres no guarantee i will still be alive when that happens.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

There's still a possibly there's life after death you don't have to be religious. You can since it seems like it would help you being around people with hope. Just not the weirdish religous ppl lol whatever you're comfortable with. I mean there might be nothing but it's not a definate answer or it could just depend. There's nothing to lose in believing, no one knows the truth in this world so why do you have to jump to conclusions? Maybe you could make yourself a legend too like make a painting that people can discover after death. That's my plan anyway hope this helps.

 

[sullyS25]

I just read the title of this thread and thought to myself.....hmmmmm well death is inevitable, for everyone. Im sorry you suffered some anxiety though, I hope you find healthy ways to live with it or make it less and less often.

 

[Roman Legion]

It's odd, when I think about my own demise, I feel better.. hmm.. I don't believe in anything after death and it sucks, but I don't care all that much as I don't remember anything from before I existed and I'm sure birth works kinda the same way as death.. A return to nothingness..

"You're born alone, you die alone.."

 

[RonFrank]

There's still a possibly there's life after death you don't have to be religious. You can since it seems like it would help you being around people with hope. Just not the weirdish religous ppl lol whatever you're comfortable with. I mean there might be nothing but it's not a definate answer or it could just depend. There's nothing to lose in believing, no one knows the truth in this world so why do you have to jump to conclusions? Maybe you could make yourself a legend too like make a painting that people can discover after death. That's my plan anyway hope this helps.

I was thinking about that too.
Instead of leaving a painting for people to discover after my death, I was thinking about leaving kids.
I had a plan to legally change my last name and hopefully create a family legacy. I refuse to pass down a last name that was giving to me by a deadbeat father.

 

[mindflux]

On a large enough time line, the survival rate for everyone and everything drops to zero.
Maybe you can find comfort in knowing that with this anxiety everyone is in the same boat as you are.

 

[ultra_materialist]

I feel really bad when someone dies... but when I think about my death, I feel some warm feeling that everything will stop. The only thing that make me strong is my love for my family and mathematics. I know it is a illusion... but I feel like that my life is important because I am helping someone.

Just to imagine that one day I will see my mother in a coffin...

If a god exists, he doesn't have a mother, that is for sure...