RonFrank
Active member
March 30, 2012.
This is the day where all of these thoughts came in my head and has been bothering me ever since.
It was around 2am, i was trying to go to sleep when these thoughts of me dying and ceasing to exist popped up in my head. All of a sudden, im starting to get hot, my heart is beating fast, and it felt like i was trapped in my own head and im trying to get out. I quickly ran to the bathroom and splashed some cold water on my face and on the back of my neck to try to make this feeling go away.
After i calmed down a little, i tried to go back to bed but i only ended up getting 2 hours of sleep because i was still freaking out that i was going to die someday.
I started to wish that i wasn't ever born so i wouldn't have to have these feelings.
After this happened, i started to think why do i even have to bother living my life if i wasn't going to feel like i lived a good life after i die? Since im far from religious my thought on the idea is "I'll be dead, i wont feel anything, only nothingness."
I started losing my appetite, wasn't focusing at work, and wasn't feeling affectionate towards my girlfriend.
At the moment, im not living comfortably. I living with a mother who decided to retire while i was in high school, which cause my big brother who im also living with, to try and pay most of the bills at home. As soon as i was done with high school, i had to also work to help out. Couldn't really afford to go to college. Didn't have the time or money.
I don't talk to my family, having a conversation would be awkward because all we ever worry about is working and what are we are going to eat today.
Im so lucky to have my girlfriend of 3 years right now because she is basically the only person i can comfortably talk to. But when i told her what was happening to me right now, she really cant understand what im feeling so right now i feel like im alone. She is trying hard to calm me down because of the love she has for me.
These death thoughts are now popping up in flashes throughout random times of the day and i don't think i can deal with it. Just now, i had a thought what if i have to live with this problem until i die, and i had a brief panic attack.
I just don't know what to do to make this stop. I just want to go back to the time before these thoughts and feelings came to me, the time where i didn't worry about dying or feel like im trapped in a body that cant control these feelings.
This is the day where all of these thoughts came in my head and has been bothering me ever since.
It was around 2am, i was trying to go to sleep when these thoughts of me dying and ceasing to exist popped up in my head. All of a sudden, im starting to get hot, my heart is beating fast, and it felt like i was trapped in my own head and im trying to get out. I quickly ran to the bathroom and splashed some cold water on my face and on the back of my neck to try to make this feeling go away.
After i calmed down a little, i tried to go back to bed but i only ended up getting 2 hours of sleep because i was still freaking out that i was going to die someday.
I started to wish that i wasn't ever born so i wouldn't have to have these feelings.
After this happened, i started to think why do i even have to bother living my life if i wasn't going to feel like i lived a good life after i die? Since im far from religious my thought on the idea is "I'll be dead, i wont feel anything, only nothingness."
I started losing my appetite, wasn't focusing at work, and wasn't feeling affectionate towards my girlfriend.
At the moment, im not living comfortably. I living with a mother who decided to retire while i was in high school, which cause my big brother who im also living with, to try and pay most of the bills at home. As soon as i was done with high school, i had to also work to help out. Couldn't really afford to go to college. Didn't have the time or money.
I don't talk to my family, having a conversation would be awkward because all we ever worry about is working and what are we are going to eat today.
Im so lucky to have my girlfriend of 3 years right now because she is basically the only person i can comfortably talk to. But when i told her what was happening to me right now, she really cant understand what im feeling so right now i feel like im alone. She is trying hard to calm me down because of the love she has for me.
These death thoughts are now popping up in flashes throughout random times of the day and i don't think i can deal with it. Just now, i had a thought what if i have to live with this problem until i die, and i had a brief panic attack.
I just don't know what to do to make this stop. I just want to go back to the time before these thoughts and feelings came to me, the time where i didn't worry about dying or feel like im trapped in a body that cant control these feelings.