Fear of loss.

[Jasmina]

Well, this is my story, in case you can help; it all started with that boy friend I had when I was in college, I was 19 and he was my first love. I truly, madly loved him, I thought I might do anything for him and he might as well, till I discover he was a big liar, lying about everything, I mean every little thing. I was heartbroken then, I went through a very bad depression for almost a year, he was stalking me all this time trying to work things out but I knew he was lying. I lost believe in love and trust in everyone. But, you know, just like movies, came my prince charming, he was really like a soul mate to me. We were friends for about 3 years till we discovered that we really like each other, we had lots of things in common. He was just perfect, I regain my trust and faith, got over my depression, and lived a dreamy happy life. That was actually before he let me down. One day, he decided that we should break up, he had some financial problems and he was depressed, suddenly, he turned into a completely different person. I mean, I have known him for years, I just know every little thing he does, every little thought he has, why would he suddenly change like that?
Anyway, that happened about 4 months ago, I can't help but say I lost my faith again but this time I don't think I could regain it. I don't believe in love anymore, and I have this stupid feeling that I am always left and dumped. Whenever I feel like some one likes me, I just run away, and try to avoid him cause deep inside me I know they would leave me anyway. I know it sounds sad but this is really how I feel, and I just can't help it, I have tried in every possible way to get over it but I can't.

 

[DeadmanWalking]

Don't give up on love just yet. It has a funny way of working out in the end.

But, about the second guy you mentioned, if he were anything like me, he broke up with you because he loved you. If I were "plummeting into Hell", I'd push everyone else away so that they didn't fall with me; I wouldn't want them to suffer with me. I'd want them to be happy and, at that moment, I couldn't give them that happiness, so I would give them a chance to. Is that bad? Maybe, but that's just how it is for me. There's also the possibility that the depression is affecting his behavior. If he's going through that, then he's most likely sad and frustrated, so it comes out as anger and hostility. I'm guessing here, but, he's not mad at you per se, but the situation that he's in and, unfortunately, you're there to take the brunt of it. It's bad, but logic doesn't apply to emotions. Either way, don't feel like this is your fault; I'm pretty sure you've done nothing wrong.

For right now, work on getting your happiness back. You're haunted by these two experiences and you need to accept them so that you may move past them and walk forward. Go do something you like, go pamper yourself, go to a therapist so that they can help you get through this, just, whatever you do, go do something that will add some happiness in your life, okay? Anyways, welcome to the site Jasmina.

 

[Section_31]

I fear loss, but i associate it with change. Growing up, almost every major change that occured in my life involved some kind of major loss, be it a parent, a beloved pet or friend, ect. Eventually i became so hostile and opposed to change.

So in a way, ive been terrified of both loss AND change

 

[Feathers]

Hey Jazz,

Welcome to the forums... It can take time to regain faith in life, love, etc. Maybe just take time to do other things you're interested in?

I hope your 2nd bf has found some help for his problems, maybe a support group or a group for financial support/coaching or such? (There are books and courses for that too...)
Some guys think they have to be 'the provider' and may be depressed if they can't do that...

It is important that you find strength and love in yourself... Then maybe you will meet someone, or you will do interesting things and meet interesting people anyway!!

I understand your fear of loss, cause I have felt it too... I have sometimes run away or 'driven people away' on purpose too... I have seen friends and other people in really good relationships too though... And some of these friends have been badly disappointed before too... You are still young, and you never know what may happen, maybe in a year or two?