I've gotten to the point of being so high strung and constantly anxious that I actually doubt my sensory perceptions on a regular basis. I feel like my anxiety has caused my brain to function so abnormally and I zone out so much sometimes, being stuck in my own little world, that i repeatedly question whether or not something I see or hear is actually there. And I'm constantly startled from a daze by something I see out of the corner of my eye that isn't really there. I worry that my SA and all of the fears that come along with it are making me crazier than I was to begin with...
Fear of Insanity...
- Thread starter DebbieDowner
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Flowers-Of-Bloom
Well-known member
I feel like this exactly a lot of the time. Paranoid, afraid of the things I see and don't see.
Sometimes I can feel things moving inside of me, like my soul is being raped or something. Sh*t, I'm loosing it. ::
Sometimes I can feel things moving inside of me, like my soul is being raped or something. Sh*t, I'm loosing it. :
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Lea
Banned
I agree. (message 2 short)
I don't think i'm crazy, i just have a fear of losing touch with things...I worry about the toll that my SA has taken on me over the past year. I'm a neurotic, paranoid version of my former self. Things just aren't as simple as they once were.
Richey
Well-known member
yeh i felt like this for most of last year, during my classes i could barely remember or concentrate or conceptualise alot of the material to the point of humiliation. like in my group someone would instruct me on what to do and it was in one ear and out the other alot of the time. and zoning out all the time, sort of like staring at the walls not really thinking of anything substantial then i'd get home and nobody was around so i'd start singing and talking in different voices of characters from tv shows and i'd become erratic and jump around the lounge room, it was me releasing energy in a way.
i think alot of it comes down to not having a plan at all. its like i didnt have a plan to do anything so my surroundings were controlling me and my thoughts. its like if i commit to spending two hours painting or practicing basketball or playing guitar or doing homework at least im occupying my self with something logical and useful that distracts me from going a little crazy, because i believe that nothingness and no plan is what sends people crazy. because you are occupying every waking thought with obsessive or unhelpful thoughts.
but yeh, the people who go totally bonkers arnt even aware of their behaviour enough to admit it at least, because they are cluelessly lost in some trance of another dimension.
i think alot of it comes down to not having a plan at all. its like i didnt have a plan to do anything so my surroundings were controlling me and my thoughts. its like if i commit to spending two hours painting or practicing basketball or playing guitar or doing homework at least im occupying my self with something logical and useful that distracts me from going a little crazy, because i believe that nothingness and no plan is what sends people crazy. because you are occupying every waking thought with obsessive or unhelpful thoughts.
but yeh, the people who go totally bonkers arnt even aware of their behaviour enough to admit it at least, because they are cluelessly lost in some trance of another dimension.
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Thanks Richey, that's actually really helpful.
I unfortunately know all about crazy people and their inability to assess the fact that they are not functioning like the rest of society. BUT, there is a difference between someone who undergoes a psychotic break, for example, and someone who's had untreated paranoid schizophrenia for 30 years. "Crazy" isn't a disease, it's a nice catchall term meant to marginalize and demoralize people who don't fit the norm so that they can be closeted away in institutions.
I think what it is that I'm afraid of is getting so caught up in my head, and in self-defeating thought patterns, that I won't understand even myself anymore. And that's sort of how I've started to feel lately. I don't understand and I can't rationalize my feelings or thoughts or reactions to things as much anymore...and it just makes me really sad.
I think what it is that I'm afraid of is getting so caught up in my head, and in self-defeating thought patterns, that I won't understand even myself anymore. And that's sort of how I've started to feel lately. I don't understand and I can't rationalize my feelings or thoughts or reactions to things as much anymore...and it just makes me really sad.