Family event coming up...SP nightmare!

[nightcrawler]

In a few weeks time there's gonna be a surprise 60th birthday party/barbecue for my dad. My mum asked me if I'd go (she knows I don't like big social gatherings, but is unaware of my SP) and I reluctantly said yes. However it's been playing on my mind ever since and the more I think about it the more I don't want to go.

The problem is (apart from the obvious social aspect) is that most of the people going are from my mum's side of the family, most of whom I don't like or avoid. The reason? A lot of them are very judgmental/critical which will immediately make me very defensive. Some will make a big thing (cue sarcastic jokes) of me actually turning up. And I'll also get a million questions about my private life, like why I haven't settled down with anyone yet/do you have a girlfriend? etc.

So now am wondering whether to "snub" it or not? I know that (in the short term at least) my parents will be disappointed if I do, but eventually I think they'll understand as they know I get very uncomfortable at these things. Or do I just go, and sink into my own personal hell for a few hours? The expression "stuck between a rock and a hard place" comes to mind

 

[mrb]

if there as bad as you say i wouldnt go , just make some great excuse up just b4 the party , just get a mate to ring you 1 hour b4 and pretend theres some kind of emergency , and he needs your help , but then having said that it is your dads birthday , so maybe you should go , just grin and bear it lol ........

 

[mads]

Maybe you and your father should do something together. Just you two. Maybe that could be an idea

 

[nopark]

I had a family reunion a couple of months ago, and I was in just about the exact same situation as you just described -- right down to the jokes about me showing up

But I was guilted into going. And I ended up having a lot of fun. I'm not recommending this, but I drank a lot and it wasn't bad at all. People commented about "how much I changed." I'm like *cheers* and had another beer.

But anyway, the point is that it was a million times worse in my head than it was in real life. Obviously I don't know your family so I can't say for a certainty, but how you describe it was almost word-for-word what I was telling a friend of mine before I went.

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

I'd say go for your father's sake. I can totally sympathise with how tough it will be for you (I've been in similar situations myself, as I'm sure most people on this forum have) and if it were a more ordinary family social gathering I'd be telling you to make an excuse and not show up. But this is your dad's 60th birthday. If you do skip it, you might find yourself feeling bad for a lot longer than the few hours you'll have to endure while you're there. I know I would.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

maybe you could just take your dad out to dinner? there will probably be enough people there to talk anyway. on the other hand there might be more people who talk about you even though you aren't there asking where you are

 

[Ignace]

I had a family reunion a couple of months ago, and I was in just about the exact same situation as you just described -- right down to the jokes about me showing up

But I was guilted into going. And I ended up having a lot of fun. I'm not recommending this, but I drank a lot and it wasn't bad at all. People commented about "how much I changed." I'm like *cheers* and had another beer.

But anyway, the point is that it was a million times worse in my head than it was in real life. Obviously I don't know your family so I can't say for a certainty, but how you describe it was almost word-for-word what I was telling a friend of mine before I went.

Last time I went to a meeting, which is 2 years ago they also said that I changed hard. I dared to go with the 'kids' outside footballing. But since then I never went to another one, last one was a month ago. I know I'm dissapointing her, but I always went because she wanted to, and I'm suffering from those meetings like the past 5 years. Before that I had a steph brother, the son of my mum's friend, they went also with us, that was fun actually, didn't have that much fear. I recommend IF you go, you take someone with you you love being around with.

 

[IamThisOne]

Personally, I would go because I am the kind of person who would feel guilty about not attending. However, I do feel sorry for you; I HATE FAMILY GATHERINGS.

 

[SilverFire]

Winter Dreams has it right. There's a secret to these things. Most of the time people are just looking to see if you show up, and if you do the usual activities, talk lightly to a few people, and then disappear, no-one really cares. The gossipers will gossip and once they've determined that you're "normal", they'll gossip about something else -- Aunt Elma's hip replacement or Suzy's broken marriage.

 

[nightcrawler]

Thanks for your feedback guys. I think I'm gonna go. Will let you know afterwards how it went. If anyone has any witty responses I can use to typical family remarks like "we don't usually see you at these things" or "how come you're not settled with someone yet" I'd be very grateful!

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

Thanks for your feedback guys. I think I'm gonna go. Will let you know afterwards how it went. If anyone has any witty responses I can use to typical family remarks like "we don't usually see you at these things"

"Yeah well I decided to leave the army fatigues at home this time."

or "how come you're not settled with someone yet" I'd be very grateful!

"Oh, I settle down with a different girl every night."

(OK, so that one was kind of borrowed from Joe Pesci's character in "Goodfellas". )

Good luck, btw!

 

[JustAShadow]

My mom doesn't even give me a choice... She makes me go to things like this...

 

[nightcrawler]

One day I'm going...one day I'm not :: This whole party/barbecue has been playing on my mind a lot lately, so much so it's affecting my sleep. I've now decided that I probably won't go - I just can't handle it. Hate parties anyway, but there's also certain members of my family I'm just not interested in seeing. The weird thing is there's no-one from my dad's side of the family going! - it's all on my mum's side Yeah sure my parents will be somewhat disappointed at me not going, but sure they'll understand. Worst case scenario is I may actually have to tell them about my SP, though not keen on doing this. What doesn't help is that my sister is making me look bad in all of this - she's responsible for organizing the party, suggested the meal idea (see below) and is even getting a waitress to bring out a big cake for my dad at the restaurant. She's the complete opposite to me - sociable, extrovert etc.

I'm still doing something for my dad - tonight we (myself, parents & sister) are going out for a meal together to celebrate my dad's birthday. This in itself is going to be a bit of a struggle for me, and I'll probably be fairly quiet. I have to do the meal though - it will make blowing-out the party a bit easier to swallow.

 

[nightcrawler]

Well I finally broke it to my mum tonight that I probably wouldn't be going to this party/bbq tomorrow. She was surprisingly understanding and even said she wasn't that surprised. I have mixed feelings because it feels like a big weight has been lifted off me...but at the same time I have let SP beat me again. Saying that, I did go out with my family to a meal last week in a restaurant and I handled that pretty well.

 

[Ignace]

Well I finally broke it to my mum tonight that I probably wouldn't be going to this party/bbq tomorrow. She was surprisingly understanding and even said she wasn't that surprised. I have mixed feelings because it feels like a big weight has been lifted off me...but at the same time I have let SP beat me again. Saying that, I did go out with my family to a meal last week in a restaurant and I handled that pretty well.

I know how it feels, it comforts you that you don't have to go, but on the other side, it's not makings things easier.:: Atleast you went to the meal with your family, that's the most important.

 

[Spike Lee]

i was suppose to go to my 5 yr old nephews day care graduation today

but im here

: /