False belief that i will be made fun of, help please

[UnOccupied]

Hey guys, i have been having a problem lately with my friends. When my anxiety is higher than normal, i have this problem where i expect to be made fun of. For instance, i fear that when i walk into a room, or a group of my friends, they will make fun of me, and put me down.

This makes me focus so much on what others mean by their remarks, and i tend to assume everything anyone says to me, is an attempt at putting me down. And, i assume everyone thinks they are superior to me, as a person.

I really like to rationalize things, and use my CBT in situations to relieve my SA, but in these types of situations, i have a tough time.

Anyone have any rational thoughts or statements i can tell myself to help with this problem?
And, does anyone else deal with this?

 

[royalx60]

Hey guys, i have been having a problem lately with my friends. When my anxiety is higher than normal, i have this problem where i expect to be made fun of. For instance, i fear that when i walk into a room, or a group of my friends, they will make fun of me, and put me down.

This makes me focus so much on what others mean by their remarks, and i tend to assume everything anyone says to me, is an attempt at putting me down. And, i assume everyone thinks they are superior to me, as a person.

I really like to rationalize things, and use my CBT in situations to relieve my SA, but in these types of situations, i have a tough time.

Anyone have any rational thoughts or statements i can tell myself to help with this problem?
And, does anyone else deal with this?

Have you ever measured the truth in this? With CBT there is the fortune telling error. I do this a lot myself. And usually pop a Klonipin First I have to address the immediate physical reaction with medication before I can begin to rationalize. With my SA I anticipate how crowd situations will go. If I'm alone enough I will overthink and become terrified of repeated rejection or ridicule. The hardest part is just getting there sometimes to see how the situation will pan out. So the rational statement I tell myself is "I am not a fortune teller how could I possibly predict how this is gonna go". But I do need medication to help me get there.

 

[Kinetik]

Well, I had this, that's why I became avoidant in the first place. I forever had this sense that everyone's eyes were on me. It came to a crunch when I was in college several years ago - I found it really stressful walking through busy areas full of people around my age, and also into classrooms where everyone was already seated.

I guess that's why unlike most people here, I'm actually content without friends. The (social) pressures became too much. If I knew how to alleviate this, I probably wouldn't be on here.

 

[DespairSoul]

Hey guys, i have been having a problem lately with my friends. When my anxiety is higher than normal, i have this problem where i expect to be made fun of. For instance, i fear that when i walk into a room, or a group of my friends, they will make fun of me, and put me down.

This makes me focus so much on what others mean by their remarks, and i tend to assume everything anyone says to me, is an attempt at putting me down. And, i assume everyone thinks they are superior to me, as a person.

I really like to rationalize things, and use my CBT in situations to relieve my SA, but in these types of situations, i have a tough time.

Anyone have any rational thoughts or statements i can tell myself to help with this problem?
And, does anyone else deal with this?

Hello there,

Well, i feel the same in grouppe of people or frends but i dont have much of them and if i could have them i avoid them yet before to come to closer contact. I worry few days before if i should meet more people and if i meet them later i feel attacked if they talk to me coz im affraid they will say some joke on my address or something i start already defense myself or just be upset with words my freeze and im very serious and sad. I take them like enemy what is trying to hurt me,coz of my less-self confindence i think they say this special coz they dosnt like me. I think that way about everyone and later i have big tendence to critic things coz im despair and try to express my feeling even if they are full of anger to myself and to people/but this critic i use only home not in front of them ofcourse what else hmm/. I feel paranoic with people from small think i make big deal. Do you say you assume thinks of others dont worry me too coz im scared to say something what they dislike i tend to this you are not alone who do this dont worry. And superior people i hate but if they are superior i tend be down and act like im nothing next to them yet i help to them be even more superior. Later i swear on myself why i done this and act like kiss asses loser if i feel this diffrent way.
Ok,sometimes i have courage to say my opinions on full volume but after i feel again quilty great circus in my head really dont wish this the worse enemy of my feel that way.

And now i will try give you some rational thoughts : Always if come those situation try to act natural just be you and dont worry about it what they say coz if they are drunk they anyway forgot and if not they will understand that u have own opinion. U must feel it to who what u can say and to who not.Try to feel this people think about some nice thinks,that if u will say your opinion for example u will be more liked as with out own opinion. Your frends will like u more as if u will say for everything yes. If you feel in your heart answer NO say it do opposite if you feel for YES say it loud train some questions in front of mirror. DO always opposite of this what you are the most afraid this is the key. The best will be when u will go therapy and training simulation of those situation with more people.Do you was maybe thinking about that little?Visit some therapy?

 

[Feathers]

UnO, teasing can totally be expression of endearment!!

If they are your friends they may just like to see you blush, or have weird ways of showing affection!!

There may be a thin line that is not easy to see - when you tease someone and that person may first joke back and then be insulted.. and it may be difficult to tell if you upset them or not.. I may have upset someone today (and on some previous occasions) and I didn't mean to...

Another option is that those people are jealous of you or something... Maybe you have better grades or are more goodlooking? So maybe they think they need to 'put you down a notch'? Or maybe they are angry at you and don't dare to say it? (passive aggressive)

There are some tips on dealing with those in books on communication and such.. One book is Dealing with Difficult People by Rick Kirschner and Rick Brinkmann... See if your library has it.. (It's translated into some languages too..)

Assume they like you and just have weird ways of showing it, or try to clarify privately and talk to the person behind most of it one on one (I recommend to read that book first though).

It may also help you to say: 'I am not better than other people, and I am not worse than other people.. We are equally worth...' If you are religious, it may help, 'We are all god's children' or something like that? If not, 'We are children of the Universe' or something?

It really depends on circumstances and intentions, when something is said.. If your 'friends' really put you down, they're not real friends though.. And you may want to decrease contact and look for better friends who can appreciate you more (and show it in a way that is understood!!)

It might also help you to go to drama/theatre classes or improv workshops, to learn how to think on your feet and maybe give witty replies.. See if there's any drama therapy locally? (Witty replies sometimes work and sometimes not, it depends...)
You can also practise with some of the things they usually say...?? You can write some stuff here and maybe we can help you? Some people just like to joke around and if you joke with them they'll leave you alone.. (and think you rock ) Some people, you just need to look at them grim and not be nice at all! (I know, it's difficult!!) For some people, it works to be arrogant and give'em the evil eye!! and then they'll respect you!!

Some really good thoughts in that last paragraph, D_Soul!!