this_portrait
Well-known member
I haven't written anything in months and want to get back into the routine, so I've decided to create this new journal. Since July I've had all these thoughts floating around inside my head and I'm at the point where I need to release them.
So without further ado...
Lately, I've been thinking a lot about my social life (or lack thereof). Seems like ever since I got my kitten I don't really care about socializing or even dating. In a way, having a pet has taken away a lot of the loneliness I felt before. That doesn't mean I haven't been checking Meetup or the dating sites I'm on, but it does mean that I'm a lot less motivated to put much effort into interacting with people. I'm tired of it, really.
I don't know if this is what being content by yourself is supposed to be like or if I've just given up on other people entirely. I kind of feel as though I'm wasting away and leading a meaningless existence (especially since I'm not working at the moment), so instead of spending money I don't have, I need to write just so I feel like I'm doing something productive outside of taking care of myself and my kitten.
Whether I just have SA or something more is another thought that keeps popping up in my head. I made a topic about it on here not long ago and tried to do a little bit of my own research, but that's it. I could call my therapist, but I'm not sure if I want to see her again. I feel like finding a new one.
Tired. That just about sums me up. I'm tired of (most) people. Sometimes I wish I could just not even speak and write down what I want to say to others on a piece of paper. Beats the hell out of having to open my mouth and stumble over my own words. Let's face it, oral communication isn't my strong suit and probably never will be. If I'm not stuttering because I can't think of what to say, I'm not speaking loud enough. The written word is something I'll always be better at, because it's nowhere near as fast-paced.
And writing this has made me feel a little better tonight. I really should write every day, even if it's just mundane sh*t about what I did. The least little something will help me to make a daily habit out of the craft, no matter how stupid it sounds.
So without further ado...
Lately, I've been thinking a lot about my social life (or lack thereof). Seems like ever since I got my kitten I don't really care about socializing or even dating. In a way, having a pet has taken away a lot of the loneliness I felt before. That doesn't mean I haven't been checking Meetup or the dating sites I'm on, but it does mean that I'm a lot less motivated to put much effort into interacting with people. I'm tired of it, really.
I don't know if this is what being content by yourself is supposed to be like or if I've just given up on other people entirely. I kind of feel as though I'm wasting away and leading a meaningless existence (especially since I'm not working at the moment), so instead of spending money I don't have, I need to write just so I feel like I'm doing something productive outside of taking care of myself and my kitten.
Whether I just have SA or something more is another thought that keeps popping up in my head. I made a topic about it on here not long ago and tried to do a little bit of my own research, but that's it. I could call my therapist, but I'm not sure if I want to see her again. I feel like finding a new one.
Tired. That just about sums me up. I'm tired of (most) people. Sometimes I wish I could just not even speak and write down what I want to say to others on a piece of paper. Beats the hell out of having to open my mouth and stumble over my own words. Let's face it, oral communication isn't my strong suit and probably never will be. If I'm not stuttering because I can't think of what to say, I'm not speaking loud enough. The written word is something I'll always be better at, because it's nowhere near as fast-paced.
And writing this has made me feel a little better tonight. I really should write every day, even if it's just mundane sh*t about what I did. The least little something will help me to make a daily habit out of the craft, no matter how stupid it sounds.