Facial expressions/gazes in public

[gustavofring]

When I'm walking on the street, alone in broad daylight I always have immense difficulty with facial expressions and body language. I don't know how to look, what face to pull, how to walk, and I feel vulnerable. I usually try not to care and just focus on my thoughts or whatever, but it always creeps in.

I avoid people's gazes and whenever I do meet someone else's eyes it feels confrontational to me. Like a deer caught in headlights kind of feeling. Also other people's stares can be enormously intimidating. Sometimes you just meet someone who has this bragging self-confidence or someone who looks arrogant at me, or someone who for some reason is smiling.

I think it may be part BDD, part social anxiety.

Similar experiences?

 

[21NZ]

part BDD?

yeah i hate walking down the streets unless im super depressed because then i just feel numb and couldn't care less if i got hit by a car let alone the opinion of what i assume people to have of me, when i probably don't even cross their minds and if i do, they would have forgotten me , the second they a walk pasts.

ask yourself who do you remember walking past in the streets?

 

[gustavofring]

Absolutely no-one. That is a good realisation!

 

[Falkor]

damn, this is THE thing that bugs me, when I'm uncomfortable in social events. :: It is like the major problem for me, thanks for posting this topic.

I have always a hard time, because an eye on me is like a kick in the ****.

It's so scary, especially when I need to sit in front of ppl, or the cashiers, or at school... It's ridiculous. I act soooo awkward.

It's getting better though, dunno why. But I still have it a lot..

Mate, let me tell ya this, you are not alone

 

[jaim38]

You are not alone too. When I go out in public, I worry about what other people will think about me. It is scary when people look at me, even scarier when I have to talk to a group of people. When I walk, I avoid groups of people or people who look arrogant.

 

[hardy]

When I'm walking on the street, alone in broad daylight I always have immense difficulty with facial expressions and body language. I don't know how to look, what face to pull, how to walk, and I feel vulnerable. I usually try not to care and just focus on my thoughts or whatever, but it always creeps in.

I avoid people's gazes and whenever I do meet someone else's eyes it feels confrontational to me. Like a deer caught in headlights kind of feeling. Also other people's stares can be enormously intimidating. Sometimes you just meet someone who has this bragging self-confidence or someone who looks arrogant at me, or someone who for some reason is smiling.

I think it may be part BDD, part social anxiety.

Similar experiences?

did you try looking down and walking? I have this problem...it does help to look down and not care what others might think. i also try to be aware of my breath rather than thoughts as we might get rolled in negative thoughts(thoughts are seldom facts). why breath? because whenever there is fear or anger, the breath changes its intensity. By observing breath you are watching the fear, anger etc indirectly and by doing this we know it's true nature.

 

[jaim38]

did you try looking down and walking? I have this problem...it does help to look down and not care what others might think.

That's what I did too; I used to look down at the ground a lot, but some people at my former neighborhood got offended and bullied me for it. Apparently, they didn't like it when I did not make eye contact. But it's also funny how I used to get bullied for MAKING too much eye contact with people. Honestly, I'm so confused as heck and don't know where to look anymore. I would rather look at a dog or cat than look at another human being who will judge and bully me.

 

[hardy]

That's what I did too; I used to look down at the ground a lot, but some people at my former neighborhood got offended and bullied me for it. Apparently, they didn't like it when I did not make eye contact. But it's also funny how I used to get bullied for MAKING too much eye contact with people. Honestly, I'm so confused as heck and don't know where to look anymore. I would rather look at a dog or cat than look at another human being who will judge and bully me.

Do it till we get over the fears. It's a better option to be bullied than to hurt others by unknowingly staring at them and making them uncomfortable, isn't it? When someone is offended try looking at them for a few seconds, that way it is not too uncomfortable for you as well as others.

I found the permanent solution lies in Vipassana meditation. Google it if you are interested. Also see 'the art of living' article i posted earlier.

 

[gustavofring]

Hi Hardy.

I've been practicing focusing similar techniques on breathing, as well as on being aware of space, on "present moment" and I find this indeed helps a lot. You are not your thoughts is a powerful realisation, also being aware of thoughts and emotions makes it that you don't take them so seriously and thus they will effortly vanish.

However it is easier to practice this when alone, and more difficult to practice this in the presence of humans, especially strangers. Walking on the street can really release my waterfall (cesspit) of thoughts. Judging, comparing, feeling vulnerable, feeling judged, thinking about past/future, about depression etc. I don't think simply staring down will make my thoughts vanish though. It's deeper then that. I need to be comfortable and at peace when I see/meet humans and have eye-contact, regardless of what kind of thoughts interaction with them might bring about in my head.

I guess I need to remind myself of this practice more when I'm out and about and just being around people in general. I have read that it normally takes a while before you can truly grasp spiritual practice.

 

[hardy]

Hi Hardy.

I've been practicing focusing similar techniques on breathing, as well as on being aware of space, on "present moment" and I find this indeed helps a lot. You are not your thoughts is a powerful realisation, also being aware of thoughts and emotions makes it that you don't take them so seriously and thus they will effortly vanish.

However it is easier to practice this when alone, and more difficult to practice this in the presence of humans, especially strangers. Walking on the street can really release my waterfall (cesspit) of thoughts. Judging, comparing, feeling vulnerable, feeling judged, thinking about past/future, about depression etc. I don't think simply staring down will make my thoughts vanish though. It's deeper then that. I need to be comfortable and at peace when I see/meet humans and have eye-contact, regardless of what kind of thoughts interaction with them might bring about in my head.

Have similar problems. Not easy, but it's a good option to look down as you are not upsetting anyone else except yourself. We have no control over thoughts. Also...its difficult to observe thoughts without getting lost in them. Hence observe your breath. Its easy to observe breath while walking and looking down. You will learn how to do this in meditation technique.

I guess I need to remind myself of this practice more when I'm out and about and just being around people in general. I have read that it normally takes a while before you can truly grasp spiritual practice.

It took me 4-5 years to learn meditation (still have difficulties)with some help from experienced meditators.But i knew right away this will cure all my problems and it has helped me immensely from day 1. Please google vipassana , i can only tell it has helped me to become happy again. Not an easy path though...but the right path. please try it.

 

[gustavofring]

I read Eckhart Tolle's books and he points towards a lot from Buddhist teachings such as vipassana (the inner body awareness, the breathing exercise, sense perception, mindfulness of thoughts etc.) The essence is pretty much the same it seems. His words have made it a bit more accessible and relatable to every day life to me.

 

[hardy]

dear,

It's important to walk on the path. Reading(knowing) is the first step...MORE important is learning to be aware every moment. Vipassana, the meditation taught by Gotama Buddha teaches you how to be aware. Take the most important step by learning vipassana.

 

[mikebird]

I know there'll be no trouble in town if quiet or hectic and busy

Looking at the floor is not necessarily ignoring people. It's checking for dog poo

My general attitude to the public, aware of 1% alone, like me, I have an interest in a woman's appearance. 30% grouped, and 69% with a pram/buggy, all taking up too much space, that I'm more important than them

Someone moved into the same block for a while, and became a friend - the most social god I ever knew, while he was recovering from losing his business in London, his partner and children to gangsters - this story may have been a lie. He attracted everyone of any age around. He started by asking me if I knew a curry restaurant nearby. Gone. But we did one day go to Thailand, years on. My last ever holiday

One person living on the dreaded street from home to town which I have to transverse when not in the car (safe & isolated)
was a very big fan of this god. I never said a word when I walked around with the god. Since then, this person (50, 60?) is often on his doorstep in sunshine or rain, popping to the corner shop for beer or tobacco. Every time I walk past, he looks directly down at the floor, or left or right to avoid me. It's significant. Don't know if I'd adopt that attitude toward strangers, or the opposite.