Embarrassed/shame

[stardog]

Hi

Basically I suffer from SA pretty bad, but my main issue is I feel embarrassed about a lot of stuff about myself and it stops me moving forward and taking risks with other people. Like being 24 and never having had a gf, a social life all that stuff. I still have no idea what to do with my life unlike others my age I'm just doing a BA degree at the moment in social sciences...haven't had a job for years. I feel like a kid in an adult body (although I still look young).

I avoid people a lot because of this but obviously this doesn't help, I'm skipping too many tutorials and stuff like that, and don't even know anyone really at uni despite being a 3rd year. Having to disclose things about myself is very awkward and conversation usually dies quickly. I'm not like other students and don't go out AT ALL socially.

I know I'll have to get through all this somehow but I'm just stuck at the moment, feeling very down, I don't feel I can move forward cause I'm so behind in my life. I don't do much a lot of the time except watch videos etc, don't even have much interest in stuff anymore that I used to, my memory is getting bad and I sometimes wonder if my brain is disintegrating :/

Does anyone have any advice/pointers on this? or just share your experiences on this subject

 

[Azunyan]

Im not sure if this helps but i was in the same situation. I was at uni for 1½ year and i didnt really know anyone, nor did i ever go out like you.
I felt very out of place like everyone was way ahead of me. Later i dropped out of uni cause anxiety gave me stomach problems/pain. The only advice i got from the doctor was "Your nervous", and it costed me 15e.

But, try to find something to do, keep yourself occupied. Just sitting at home watching videos wont sadly improve anything.
Take it slow and start by doing something, maybe take a 15 min walk?
Doing something physical usually helps, but try to add something to your day even if its just a small amount. It might feel like you are more productive

I started walking/running, at first only 10 minutes a day, at my peak i was up to 1½/2 hours a day and made me feel better and like i was doing something.

Edit: If you feel like talking pm me

 

[laure15]

Basically I suffer from SA pretty bad, but my main issue is I feel embarrassed about a lot of stuff about myself and it stops me moving forward and taking risks with other people. Like being 24 and never having had a gf, a social life all that stuff. I still have no idea what to do with my life unlike others my age I'm just doing a BA degree at the moment in social sciences...haven't had a job for years. I feel like a kid in an adult body (although I still look young).

You and I are very similar. Internally, I know I'm not a kid, but I also know I'm not yet an adult. I feel embarrassed about my family and myself.

I avoid people a lot because of this but obviously this doesn't help, I'm skipping too many tutorials and stuff like that, and don't even know anyone really at uni despite being a 3rd year. Having to disclose things about myself is very awkward and conversation usually dies quickly. I'm not like other students and don't go out AT ALL socially.

I also avoid people a lot because I get very nervous and tense around them. I feel very uncomfortable disclosing things about myself because I feel like a loser. It's embarassing when I tell people about myself, my family, and my life. I also don't go to parties, bars, clubs, etc.

I'm currently in school full time, and I hope to get a job after graduation. And hopefully my social skills will improve by then.

 

[hardy]

One feels guilty(or embarrassed) when he/she does these 5 things:

1. steals (anything that is not given to you)
2. lies(plain lies, back-biting, trash talk and harsh talk)
3. kills another being(includes any creature)
4. drinks alcohol and loses control over his vocal and physical actions
5. sexual misconduct.

Avoid these 5 and you wont be embarrassed in front of people. I feel we actually let our-selves down by doing these. Not the other way around.

This might seem simple...but very very effective....please try it and see it.

 

[stardog]

Thanks for replying, always good to relate

Hardy, thanks for your reply but it's not about any of those things, I just feel embarrassed at not having had a social life like others have and wasting potential, it's not a moral thing.

 

[hardy]

These 5 things are very important in your relationship with others. One cannot live happily and courageously with others without these 5 precepts.

When you lie, people get offended and would stop believing you and respecting you.
when you steal, again people will disrespect you.
when you drink, you talk trash and are capable of any bad-doing to others....which will indirectly make you embarrassed and ashamed.
when you kill, you are hurting some species. Imagine how you feel when someone kicks you. Hence don't do it. You will have your respect intact.
Imagine someone having sexual misconduct with someone of your family. It will hurt you so bad. Similarly when you do it to others, it hurts them immensely.

In order to live peacefully with others, we need to follow these 5 precepts. You wont be embarrassed or ashamed anymore. Just follow them and see if it makes any difference in your daily life.

 

[gustavofring]

 

[laure15]

One feels guilty(or embarrassed) when he/she does these 5 things:

1. steals (anything that is not given to you)
2. lies(plain lies, back-biting, trash talk and harsh talk)
3. kills another being(includes any creature)
4. drinks alcohol and loses control over his vocal and physical actions
5. sexual misconduct.

Avoid these 5 and you wont be embarrassed in front of people. I feel we actually let our-selves down by doing these. Not the other way around.

This might seem simple...but very very effective....please try it and see it.

The 5 reasons listed seem kind of extreme. What if we are embarassed not due to any of those 5 reasons?

I know I am embarassed because of my family's behavior and actions. I also feel embarassed because I am not as successful as my peers. I

 

[hardy]

'No-Self Esteem' - YouTube

 

[stardog]

Well thanks for hijacking the thread dude

I haven't killed anyone btw (yet)

 

[whatisshame]

One feels guilty(or embarrassed) when he/she does these 5 things:

1. steals (anything that is not given to you)
2. lies(plain lies, back-biting, trash talk and harsh talk)
3. kills another being(includes any creature)
4. drinks alcohol and loses control over his vocal and physical actions
5. sexual misconduct.

Avoid these 5 and you wont be embarrassed in front of people. I feel we actually let our-selves down by doing these. Not the other way around.

This might seem simple...but very very effective....please try it and see it.

These aren't true, though. There are many people who done all those things and not feel ashamed at all, and there are many who feels shame all the time, yet they are really great people.

I think it's about what you think is wrong even though it's not really wrong in the first place, or what you think is right, when it's clearly wrong.

 

[whatisshame]

Hey, there, stardog.

I feel really the same like you. Look at my nickname, basically I'm just confused why I feel ashamed all the time.

Well, I don't have pointers, so I am just going to share, I guess..

Well, I'm gay, and being gay in my country is really-really a horrible thing.

Basically, that's the main cause...

I'm 32 years old, never have any lover whatsoever, live with my parents because they're scared that I will be a true gay or whatever, and I was supposed to be successful like all my friends, but I'm not.. it's just sad.

I think it's about what we believe when we were a kid. And it's hard to erase these beliefs because when you're a kid, it sticks a lot, than when you're older and know better.

I feel ashamed all the time, even if it's just something simple like being sleepy. Like my face is telling me that I'm not supposed to be sleepy, I'm supposed to work hard, learn better, etc...

All these "I have to be", "I'm supposed to be".. Little things..

I think it will get better if I just can get rid of these way of thinking. But, it's hard, and I still don't know how..

 

[truffleshuffle]

Hi

Basically I suffer from SA pretty bad, but my main issue is I feel embarrassed about a lot of stuff about myself and it stops me moving forward and taking risks with other people. Like being 24 and never having had a gf, a social life all that stuff. I still have no idea what to do with my life unlike others my age I'm just doing a BA degree at the moment in social sciences...haven't had a job for years. I feel like a kid in an adult body (although I still look young).

I avoid people a lot because of this but obviously this doesn't help, I'm skipping too many tutorials and stuff like that, and don't even know anyone really at uni despite being a 3rd year. Having to disclose things about myself is very awkward and conversation usually dies quickly. I'm not like other students and don't go out AT ALL socially.

I know I'll have to get through all this somehow but I'm just stuck at the moment, feeling very down, I don't feel I can move forward cause I'm so behind in my life. I don't do much a lot of the time except watch videos etc, don't even have much interest in stuff anymore that I used to, my memory is getting bad and I sometimes wonder if my brain is disintegrating :/

Does anyone have any advice/pointers on this? or just share your experiences on this subject

I know how you feel. Its hard for me to be open with many people as well specialy when try and tell them how you are feeling. I am always embarrassed specialy around certin family members I always feel like they judge me because im not quite "normal" and they don;t have the same problems I do. on top of my other sa issues I have what I call a small case of agoraphobia where I can spend what seems like months couped up in my apartment only leaveing for maybe 30 minuts to an hour at the most to get things i have to have but in the last few years maybe 3 years I have forced my self to do things out of my comfort zone like go out to places that I don;t normaly go to. For me I just have to get out of my own head because its a bad place to be where I over think everything and if i didn;t I would never function at all.