Because I've suffered from serious stagnation in life during my twenties, (not finishing college, several years of isolation, not having a sufficient social circle) I've started to develop quite a serious ego problem, probably stemming from feelings of feeling inferior.
Basically I have this huge urge to "prove myself to the world", to get recognition and all that jazz. I feel like I've missed the boat, and I want to catch up. This egoic urge often manifests as arrogant feelings (wanting to be better than others) and hatred (feelings of jealousy and hatred towards those who are doing better than me). It's an urge in me that tells me that I deserve more then what I've been handed. Yet I can't really fulfill anything because to be honest, I don't know what I want and am sort of lost in life.
I know these are all bad emotions and I am trying to transcend them or atleast make peace with them (there is no point in resisting). It's just very hard atm to have some reconciliation with how my life is, and the working towards a better life so that I can have some sense of fulfillment seems like a gargauntian task.
Can anyone relate?
Basically I have this huge urge to "prove myself to the world", to get recognition and all that jazz. I feel like I've missed the boat, and I want to catch up. This egoic urge often manifests as arrogant feelings (wanting to be better than others) and hatred (feelings of jealousy and hatred towards those who are doing better than me). It's an urge in me that tells me that I deserve more then what I've been handed. Yet I can't really fulfill anything because to be honest, I don't know what I want and am sort of lost in life.
I know these are all bad emotions and I am trying to transcend them or atleast make peace with them (there is no point in resisting). It's just very hard atm to have some reconciliation with how my life is, and the working towards a better life so that I can have some sense of fulfillment seems like a gargauntian task.
Can anyone relate?