Ego problem

[Zod]

Because I've suffered from serious stagnation in life during my twenties, (not finishing college, several years of isolation, not having a sufficient social circle) I've started to develop quite a serious ego problem, probably stemming from feelings of feeling inferior.

Basically I have this huge urge to "prove myself to the world", to get recognition and all that jazz. I feel like I've missed the boat, and I want to catch up. This egoic urge often manifests as arrogant feelings (wanting to be better than others) and hatred (feelings of jealousy and hatred towards those who are doing better than me). It's an urge in me that tells me that I deserve more then what I've been handed. Yet I can't really fulfill anything because to be honest, I don't know what I want and am sort of lost in life.

I know these are all bad emotions and I am trying to transcend them or atleast make peace with them (there is no point in resisting). It's just very hard atm to have some reconciliation with how my life is, and the working towards a better life so that I can have some sense of fulfillment seems like a gargauntian task.

Can anyone relate?

 

[Froggy246]

I can relate to some of that I think, I really feel unfulfilled these days, like I've not lived up to my potential, however I lack the motivation and energy to do anything about it, plus I've got this constant pressure of time in the back of my mind because I'm in my 30's now and time is ticking on. But like you I don't really know what it is I want to do, or perhaps more so that there's always been quite a few things I'd like to do but I become too overwhelmed and end up doing nothing.

 

[Odo]

I used to think that the point of life was to get a good job and a wife and kids, win the respect of my peers and live happily ever after-- they really push it on you that that is what makes everyone happy, so if you have it you need to shut up and stop complaining and if you don't have it you must be miserable.

BUT THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS.

After seeing other people around me do that very thing and become even more miserable, I've realized that the only thing you really need to do is know yourself-- and not who you think you are, but how other people see you and how you make other people feel and really pay attention to things in your life that might actually make you happy if you stopped to notice that it was there.

One thing that has always helped to pull me out of my down periods is to define both your long-term and short-term goals in life.

The whole 'bucket list' thing is a good idea... the trick is not to be so unrealistic about it that it's just a fantasy. Set modest goals that you feel can be achieved... and when you achieve those, challenge yourself to do something new. Eventually after achieving all of these goals, you'll find they'll grow bigger and better and lead to more rewarding things.

You're not going to achieve anything if you're sitting around wasting time, lamenting all of the time you've already lost... you need to start making the best of the present, and not by doing what you think others would do or trying to feel how you think others feel... do it by doing what you want to do and feeling the way you want to feel about it.

It could honestly be as simple as going outside and staring at a tree.

 

[neohorizon]

Hi Zod, i'm feeling exactly like you since the end of high school.

My classmates are in great colleges and some went to Europe, while i'm a small college (like a community college) and i'm the only one that still living in my city, its hard to get good jobs here and i don't have courage to live alone in big cities.

I'm pissed because i was the Nerd guy of my classroom, my friends were dating, parting and having fun and this same people will have a great future because they had support of their parents and studied hard while i was depressed and insecure. So, i feel like a failure too.

I would like to cheat life somehow and get rich, so i could look better to them and make worth all the suffering i had. But in the reality my journey still a struggle and i dont even know what i'm fight for.

But i'm trying, i'm working (in the city hall), doing sports (Kung Fu ^^), studying English and dealing with the SA.

I accepted that i'm different and still dont know what i want for my life, but i'm looking for while i try to get better.

Sorry my english. Good luck

 

[Diend]

I can relate. I wanted to bury my insecure thoughts but I accepted them as part of who I am at the moment. In high school, I was even more arrogant than I am now so it is proof that our thoughts are fluid and it is okay to feel this way because other people feel it too. However, it is up to your conscience to control your feelings of hating others and hurting others.

 

[sahxox]

Yeh I can relate to the feelings of inferiority/frustration. I have everything and I keep on getting stuff i want, yet because I tell myself I cannot perform socially, I feel like shit the entire time. Really it's like not being able to connect with the outer world. It's horrible and I hate it. I always have to be the best, just to feel equal. And even if that is true, it's only on a good day. I feel this quote sums up my life;
"Adversity is wont to reveal genius, prosperity to hide it."

I'll use this as an example. If what I just wrote recieves no replies, I'll feel like a loser who doesn't make sense. Yet if someone can relate/says it's good, I won't care because I already know it's what I feel and I don't need approval.
WTF is wrong with my ego?

 

[Bronson99]

I have the ego problem as well. Feeling inferior can make it worse, but I don't believe it is the whole cause. Some of it can just be your own personality, your approach to things, the way you were raised. High self-awareness is a contributor.

If you're shy and anxious like me and don't have the ability to express yourself, it probably manifests as a combination of narcissism and self-loathing.

In any event, if life has taught you not to trust people and being mainstream is not your thing, you're going to feel like this no matter what. (I guess the only way to fix the problem is trusting people and becoming mainstream.)

 

[laure15]

I had similar ego problems. I'm a socially awkward geek who spends Friday evenings and weekends studying and reading manga. When I hear about people going clubbing, partying, drinking, smoking, etc, I try to tell myself, "those people have a very unhealthy lifestyle. They are not serious, they play too much, they're immature...." Basically, I try to tell myself I'm better than they are because I don't do the things they do. If people invite me to parties I try to come up with excuses not to go. I don't want to be associated with those types of people. In the past, I had several people come up to me and try to chat with me but I made it a point not to show interest because these people had reputations of being very social.

That was many years ago. Looking back I realize how arrogant I was and that disgusted me. I judged people even before I got to know them. So what if people go clubbing and partying? it doesn't mean they're bad people, like I was conditioned to believe. They have personalities and hobbies that I may not be aware of.

 

[Claudia21]

I too have experienced all the emotions you've mentioned especially arrogance and jealousy when I would be caught in a very dark state for weeks at a time, I think my anger or more accurately my intense self hatred was the source of it all.

I think many with SA have this idealized self in their minds, everything we are not we imagine ourselves to be. Now pair this false idealization with enormous self hatred, and you get this twisted form of elevation and jealousy of others who so happen to have what you dont.

 

[lpo]

I can relate but I'm not jealous of other people's "success" because success doesn't have a universal definition, you can always redefine it.

It's natural for people in their teens/20s to battle with the world. Everybody else is competitive and if you don't try to prove yourself then you'll end up unhappy. I've got into road rage incidents and made a heap of enemies through trying to prove myself, some of my behaviour was very risky. I have yet to develop any form of regret. Life is slow, but I know it'll get better. Just have fun and don't take yourself too seriously. Be open to change.