Easier for girls to get boyfriends even with social phobia

[recluse]

Let's face it; It's so much easier for a girl to get a boyfriend than the other way around isn't it. I notice that so many girls who are shy and social phobic are in relationships, so it can't be much of a disability for them can it? I think it's so much harder for shy/social phobic guys like me.

 

[Damn]

I can see how it'd be harder for guys to get girls, but I also haven't had a real boyfriend yet so :?

 

[flake__]

Theoretically yep definitely! But girls still have to do some stuff in relationships you know..and if you've got SA sometimes it doesn't matter how much stuff that is...it's just all impossible. Like asking you to give a presentation, or do a play...you'd rather the presentation but you even try that and fall flat on your face!

I find it hardest to start relationships. I just freeze. Once ur in them it's much better but then my SA definitely affects the relationship. One thing i would say is girls can be really understanding and support a guy with his problems, especially if he is just upfront about it.

 

[scissorhands]

I totally agree. Shyness is considered feminine and even a positive attribute for a guy looking for a girlfriend. Whereas girls want a confident dominant boyfriend. It certainly is easier for girls in my opinion, but I don' think it is simply an opinion, I think it is a fact because of our societies ideologies on genders.

 

[steviegerrard489]

Re: Easier for girls to get boyfriends even with social phob

Let's face it; It's so much easier for a girl to get a boyfriend than the other way around isn't it. I notice that so many girls who are shy and social phobic are in relationships, so it can't be much of a disability for them can it? I think it's so much harder for shy/social phobic guys like me.

True, and this has made me bitter in the past but there's nothing you can do about it really..

I'm in the fortunate position that I'm quite good looking and girls do show some interest in me (though I very rarely have confidence or belief to act) but they WILL NEVER, AND I MEAN NEVER, make the first move. It's up to the guy to do all the asking..

..and another factor too is that it is much less acceptable for a guy to be shy. You can be labelled a weirdo/stalker/loser just for being quiet.

As you can see I'm still bitter!!!

 

[rado31]

Comparing sucks.

 

[ljwwriter]

I'm gay and that throws a whole new mechanic into the dating situation. Suffice it to say that it definitely sucks for me. I hate to compare the male experience to the female experience when it comes to dating, but I'd have to say I think it's harder for guys. I mean it really is on our shoulders to go out there and try to meet the girl/guy of our dreams, but it's not easy if you're shy and not good looking enough to turn heads without words.

I really feel for other guys because I know it can make you feel weak and sometimes you wonder if, perhaps, you'll be romantically alone for your whole life. The thought terrifies and depresses me.

 

[Joldo]

I've always thought this as well. :?

I have been told that I'm a really nice guy, personality wise and looks, but a girl has never made any kind of move for me. Its hard enough to even approach a girl for us guys who suffer from social anxiety, and when most girls seem to be attracted to confident/ 'normal' guys, it seems to me that it is almost impossible for us to get a girlfriend.

 

[steviegerrard489]

I've always thought this as well. :?

I have been told that I'm a really nice guy, personality wise and looks, but a girl has never made any kind of move for me. Its hard enough to even approach a girl for us guys who suffer from social anxiety, and when most girls seem to be attracted to confident/ 'normal' guys, it seems to me that it is almost impossible for us to get a girlfriend.

Hit the nail on the head there. Basically, girls will keep trying to give you signs and if nothing happens they will assume that you don't like them and move onto someone else! Eventually they will find someone who has the balls to take things further and that's who they end up dating...

..it's happened to me many many times over the years with girls of varying degrees of attractiveness.

I was in a bar 2 or 3 months ago and these two women started chatting to me. One of them went to the loo and the other started telling me that her friend had been single for over a year and liked the look of me. She was a good looking girl so I started chatting to her when she returned and she explained how she was a 'traditionalist' and wanted a guy to do all the asking. I thought to myself "How selfish is that? What a cop out?" There should be a bit of give and take in this day and age!

Needless to say it never went any further..

 

[Abalone]

I think it is a fact because of our societies ideologies on genders.

Yeah, I hate gender conventions. It seems even feminists, whose entire ideology is based around not having certain expectations of people (like "stay in the kitchen") because of their gender, will expect men to be "real men" or they won't go out with them. The "Cinderella complex", it's been called.

 

[Abalone]

Comparing sucks.

Compared to what? Not comparing?

 

[Joey86]

It's all about social norms, what is acceptable and what is not. These norms tell us that the male approches the female. This assumes that the male has enough confidence to do so, and the female is open enough to accept his invitation. Taking the first step is hard. It takes forever just to build up the confidence to open your mouth, let alone hold a conversation with someone...

...but put yourself in the females shoes for a second. You get approched by males a few times a week asking you for your number or something. You're caught off guard, and you panic or freeze, which makes you much more likely to scare them off, no just immediantly respond "no". At least with males, social norms say we choose the mates we would like to go out with: the female responds with a yes or no. I think it's just as hard for both.

Yup the whole femminist thing is misdirected. Equality means we are all equal. What they're fighting for is not equality.

 

[sickofbeinglonely]

Yes, Recluse. Unfortunately that seems to be the case. As a shy man I often feel I would be regarded as uninteresting and inferior by many women.

 

[coriander1992]

I don't neccesarily think this is the case.
Some girls (me included!) like shy guys. I can't stand loud, abnoxious people!
It is very misguided of anyone to assume all girls like loud confident guys - that is totally not the case and it infuriates me a lot to hear (or read rather) people making such mass generalisations.

 

[TAMPA-BAY]

I am alwayse amused at how many time this topic appears. I think we sometimes suffer from not only anxiety but selective memory.

We dont notice the nice guys who are in a nice healty relationship.
We dont notice those loud mouth guys who get ignored by girls because they are too agressive.
And most importantly we dont notice those girls who attract the guy only to lose him because he and his friends think she is too boring. That doesnt help a person self esteme very much.

 

[recluse]

I can see how it'd be harder for guys to get girls, but I also haven't had a real boyfriend yet so :?

Yeah but how old are you? I keep seeing posts on internet forums about 15 year old kids being depressed because they have never had boyfriends/girlfriends! Jees i'm 26 man!

 

[recluse]

Re: Easier for girls to get boyfriends even with social phob

Let's face it; It's so much easier for a girl to get a boyfriend than the other way around isn't it. I notice that so many girls who are shy and social phobic are in relationships, so it can't be much of a disability for them can it? I think it's so much harder for shy/social phobic guys like me.

True, and this has made me bitter in the past but there's nothing you can do about it really..

I'm in the fortunate position that I'm quite good looking and girls do show some interest in me (though I very rarely have confidence or belief to act) but they WILL NEVER, AND I MEAN NEVER, make the first move. It's up to the guy to do all the asking..

..and another factor too is that it is much less acceptable for a guy to be shy. You can be labelled a weirdo/stalker/loser just for being quiet.

As you can see I'm still bitter!!!

Yeah it's all about the caveman instinct. I don't think cavemen let the girls come to them, they dragged them by the hair.....I think a lot of girls want a man with some aggression but not too much, just the sort of aggression which gives them the drive to get what they want. I've been labelled all them things you mentioned by girls through my life.

 

[flake__]

I also hate arrogant guys. Can't stand 'em. And that's not cos of my social phobia. They're so easy to see through and 2D and going out with them...they would just do my head in!

I def prefer nice guys. And so many girls prefer quiet guys. I'm not just saying this! It can be quite adorable. So don't go getting all cynical and hopeless.

Also, my turn to rant! One thing girls do get that guys don't is PERVY GUYS wolf-whistling and jeering. This is not exactly great with SP if you are walking along a street minding your own business and get jeered at by usually alot older guys. And then you get all shy and go red and this seems to make it even worse. I do not know how to respond! What do you want me to say!

Even worse than this, beeping horns. I mean, what is that all about?! What do you honestly expect to get out of that. I used to get the bus alot, and there's a real busy road and a bus stop on either side. People would always beep me, all the time, and this makes me very self-concious, especially when people are on the other bus stop, they always look round like i have provoked it. And it sets off my nerves, when all i am doing is waiting at a bus stop. And sometimes there's girls at the other bus stop and they don't get beeped, only me, why me?! I know i'm social phobic so prone to think stuff like this but i am sure, i always get beeped and jeered at wherever i go, and my friends don't, and it makes me very self-concious since obviously, as a social phobic, i hate attention being drawn to myself! And it sets off the you are weird/abnormal cycle in my head.

Rant over!

 

[SocialRetahd]

You like quiet guys because you think they'll spend all there time with you and focus on you because they have no other social life. You don't like the arrogant guys because you know a bunch of other girls are competing over them, and you are too cowardly to compete.

Anyways, I am currently in some stupid class where a bunch of brainless skanks are typing up a school paper. Guess what the topic for discussion was today....ugly guys!!!

 

[flake__]

haha, honestly, truly, you are totally wrong! I didn't say i liked quiet guys anyway. I like nice guys but not quiet guys.

Some girls actually like quiet guys! It seems you do not want to believe this even though this is true.

I have been out with an arrogant guy. He did my head in. I thought he was nice..he appeared nice..so liked him at first, but then he got all arrogant and big-headed and it totally turned me off, i got emotionally detached, he got more emotionally-attached...not a good combination.

I could never have an emotional relationship with an arrogant guy, only a shallow one which wouldn't last long. no offence but there's not much to get in to if they don't really have/show any emotions!

And i think you'll find that aswell as quiet girls who like quiet guys, alot of girls that like quiet guys will be the more dominant ones...not ones with SP!