dpressed...no friends, no social life, unmotivated blah

[Scared Dreamer]

I feel really depressed. I broke up with my boyfriend of four years in December, lost all my friends, and I'm currently fighting with my mother. I graduated from art school two years ago and moved back home with my parents. I was lazy for two years and spent most of my time smoking weed. I did create art work but I realize now I hate the majority of it. I am proud of a couple pieces though. I quit smoking and for the most part drinking. I occasionally have a glass of wine but then feel guilty about it. I have been cleaning up my life, looking for a job, and I got an internship. I've been cleaning out my closet and giving all the things I don't wear to charity, which is why my mother is pissed at me. She thinks I'm doing it because I may be bi- polar. My mother spends too much money on me and constantly buys me clothes. I've told her to stop which she has but she's pissed about me getting rid of the stuff I don't wear. I don't understand it. She see it as throwing it out. I feel so lonely. I have absolutely no one but my ex boyfriend to talk to but it's really not a good idea for me to continue to talk to him. I want to meet someone who will really satisfy me and not settle and go back with him. Some days I don't see a positive future and just wish to die. Today I felt really positive and motivated to clean up closets and donate all the things my parents don't use like old books. Now after the fight I want to die again.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

You sound like you're on the right track and doing what you can to get better, so good for you!
Being depressed is so hard to crawl out of- especially if you're doing it alone.

Please talk about things on forum as much as you like!
Hopefully it will be able to help you to have this bit of social interaction while you try to pull yourself together.

To me, it sounds like your mother has her own problems... like, maybe compulsive shopping or hoarding in a way-- if she keeps buying things for you and getting angry when you say you have no use for them.

 

[sullyS25]

You have people to talk to on here, you aren't alone...Life is a roller coaster full of ups and downs. If you never felt down you would never know when you were feeling good because you would have nothing to compare a good feeling to...you would just be...blah...you probably know this but pot, alcohol will make things worse. That immediate feeling of relief is almost always followed by feeling worse.....I hope you feel better...just be patient, everything can't change at once. These things take time

 

[Scared Dreamer]

Thanks for your support. My mother made up with me. I still feel depressed but I'm trying to convince my self to exercise to get some natural endorphin in my system. I jumped rope yesterday and it made me feel better. I'm looking forward to the internship and also springtime but every once and a while I get afraid for the future. I'm afraid I won't be able to create better work and I will fail as an artist. I'm also worried about things just in general getting worse such as disaster, deaths etc. It's hard to stay in the here and now. I want to look forward to the future but at the same time I fear it. I don't want to be here sometimes.

My mother is a compulsive shopper and somewhat of a hoarder as well. She also drinks too often (3 glasses a night.) I know where I get the addiction problem. I love her but it's hard because seeing her with a glass of wine makes me want to drink when I'm trying to live life sober. I wish I could move out but I'm too broke having to pay off student loans. I'm also afraid I would be more lonely because my family is all I have at the moment. I'm lucky to have 3 dogs and a cat that I love. I would miss them too if I moved. I'm really hoping I can find new friends and also love when I start working and also going to the internship.

 

[starimmanuel]

sounds like my life

 

[Diend]

I felt that way one point of my life in high school. I was a nobody. Can I suggest making alternate art for Magic the Gathering cards? There is a demand for artists here. Creating art for Wizards' card game, Magic the Gathering also sounds good.

 

[mikebird]

I am envious of you.

Keep going. Don't worry. I wish I had a mum. That would help. Dogs & cats. A garden. Some stairs would be nice where I am.

Good luck

 

[OceanMist]

Depression is the most hidden thing in our society, I believe. It's a killer, literally. It can destroy your energy, desire, and ability to even happy.

I don't think drinking is something to be ashamed of. I don't blame you. I drink too.