Don't Wanna Go

Silatuyok

Well-known member
I thought I'd start a thread about this to see what you guys think, because I don't know if I'm just being crazy or what.

Two of my older sisters want to take me on a vacation, expenses paid, to celebrate my upcoming milestone birthday (it's still a ways away, but they're planning ahead). They want to do some sort of ritzy resort vacation, and have been talking about Costa Rica.

I don't want to go.

I mean, yeah I would love to see Costa Rica and all, but I just don't want to go.

They don't understand my anxieties, especially when it comes to traveling. They were flabbergasted that I got anxiety during a two-hour car ride to a nearby city.

I don't travel much. I like to be at home. When I do travel I like to be with someone who understands and sympathizes with my problems, like my fiance.

I don't like being away from home for more than a few days at a time. I get extremely homesick and stressed out.

Traveling with those two would be stressful even for a completely normal person. Every time we travel together (which has been a few years) I vow that I will never travel with them again.

I hate flying, with a passion.

This vacation would take up one of my only two weeks of vacation that I get from my job each year. The thought of spending it away from home does not even appeal to me.

I can't stand spending more than 48 hours straight in anyone's company without a break. I NEED my complete alone time, in my own environment.

Am I being completely stupid in passing up a chance to get a free exotic vacation? Should I just suck it up and go, despite the anxiety, just for the chance to do something cool?

They have been talking about this trip for a long time, so it's not something that I haven't been thinking about and considering for a while. I've been trying to avoid talking to them about any trips, but it is coming down to the point where they want to start making plans.

Last night I felt okay with going, though not thrilled. But today my sister and I had a tiff over something unrelated at lunch and it was everything I could do to keep back the tears until it was time to go. That's making me think that it's not the best idea to go traveling with them, especially to some far off place where I am going to feel very, very trapped.

I'm sure if I went it would be incredible and I would have fun, but I would also have a lot of anxiety. Even when I do feel okay with going, I'm not actually excited about going. I feel like they will be insulted if I tell them I don't want to go. I'm not worried about regretting the chance to go, because I'm almost 30 and I've never left the country and I feel perfectly okay with that. I feel like there are plenty of fun, relaxing vacations to be had much closer to home. Of course, when I mentioned going to Michigan they laughed at me. They have much grander schemes in mind.

I just feel like I'm not like them in this respect. My sister travels all around the globe, two or three times a year, and she loves it. But I love living a simple lifestyle close to home. I would much rather have something nice for my house than an expensive trip overseas.

I don't know. Part of me just thinks I'm copping out because of the anxiety. I can't tell if I'm just being avoidant, or if I have justifiable excuses for not wanting to go.

(Is this a first world problem, or what?)

Any thoughts would be appreciated.
 

Lea

Banned
Oh I know how are you feeling, I´ve been in similar situations. But Costa Rica is extremely beautiful, one of most beautiful places I´ve been to. I think it would be worth a try, you don´t have many opportunities like that in life, and a ritzy resort, wow. I guess it would be a big plus to me because I usually travel the lowest budget possible. Even if you are not into traveling and are content to be at home, this could be a change for a while. Only having to go with people I don´t get on well with would be a drawback to me. So I don´t know, try to throw a coin :).
 

Silatuyok

Well-known member
Oh I know how are you feeling, I´ve been in similar situations. But Costa Rica is extremely beautiful, one of most beautiful places I´ve been to. I think it would be worth a try, you don´t have many opportunities like that in life, and a ritzy resort, wow. I guess it would be a big plus to me because I usually travel the lowest budget possible. Even if you are not into traveling and are content to be at home, this could be a change for a while. Only having to go with people I don´t get on well with would be a drawback to me. So I don´t know, try to throw a coin :).

Those are all good points, and things I'm certainly considering. But, I don't like change! My daily routine is everything to me. Whenever I go somewhere on vacation I am literally counting the hours til I get to go home.
 

Section_31

Well-known member
i can definately empathize. travelling scares the bejesus out of me. I can do local day trips fine, but internationally or somewhere that requires me to be on a plane??. i dont think i could do it, even if it meant hurting my career. I couldnt do it. Its just too much.

You arent alone with this!
 

Silatuyok

Well-known member
i can definately empathize. travelling scares the bejesus out of me. I can do local day trips fine, but internationally or somewhere that requires me to be on a plane??. i dont think i could do it, even if it meant hurting my career. I couldnt do it. Its just too much.

You arent alone with this!

Thank you! It's also the hassle of getting a passport, getting vaccines, worrying about water quality, etc. etc...I mean, it's not just a matter of getting anxious while traveling, it's also a matter of getting stressed out from all the preparations!
 

Srijita52

Well-known member
It depends on you actually, do you want to use this as an opportunity to get out of your comfort zone? Or would you rather be at your home?
Seems like you and your sisters have different preferences, nothing wrong with that but I think its your birthday and you should spend it the way you want. It'd be a good change yeah, but if you really don't want to go then don't, specially if you think you won't be able to get along with them. Maybe you can make some excuses.
On the other hand if you think you'll be able to manage besides being anxious then go for it. I know what you mean though, sometimes its hard to realize if we're being avoidant or its just something we don't want to do. Anxiety is really difficult sometimes.
 

Section_31

Well-known member
in my case i just have this overpowering, irrational fear that somthing bad will happen and ill never see home again. end up being one of those "disapeared tourists" or somthing. No idea why i feel this way buts stopped me from doing so many things.
 

Lea

Banned
Those are all good points, and things I'm certainly considering. But, I don't like change! My daily routine is everything to me. Whenever I go somewhere on vacation I am literally counting the hours til I get to go home.

Yes I know, it is unpleasant. I have traveled alone and it can be pretty hardship sometimes. I have also done trips with other people etc. I am normally always afraid to go, because always it is discomfort and uncertainity. I also don´t like disturbing my routines, but sometimes I push myself into it because I get the feeling they´re enslaving me. And mostly I find it was not bad as I thought.. as long as you have a place to wash, eat, sleep you´ll be ok. Maybe you´ll like it so that you will not want to return.
 

Silatuyok

Well-known member
Could you take your fiance with you?

This is a possibility. We have discussed going as a group with our significant others, instead of just a girls' trip. We probably wouldn't go to a resort then, but somewhere more interesting for the guys too (the British Isles is one suggestion). I would feel much better about that option, but it would end up being expensive for us because he would have to pay his own way. I just hate the thought of thousands of dollars being spent on something that I would be perfectly happy not doing.
 

Lea

Banned
Thank you! It's also the hassle of getting a passport, getting vaccines, worrying about water quality, etc. etc...I mean, it's not just a matter of getting anxious while traveling, it's also a matter of getting stressed out from all the preparations!

Getting a passport, you need just a photo I think. If I were you, I wouldn´t have vaccines. I never had them on my travels. Especially if you go there only for 2 or 3 weeks.. Why do you want to worry about water quality in a posh resort? Even if it was bad, at most you get a diarrhoea :D.
 

Silatuyok

Well-known member
It depends on you actually, do you want to use this as an opportunity to get out of your comfort zone? Or would you rather be at your home?
Seems like you and your sisters have different preferences, nothing wrong with that but I think its your birthday and you should spend it the way you want. It'd be a good change yeah, but if you really don't want to go then don't, specially if you think you won't be able to get along with them. Maybe you can make some excuses.
On the other hand if you think you'll be able to manage besides being anxious then go for it. I know what you mean though, sometimes its hard to realize if we're being avoidant or its just something we don't want to do. Anxiety is really difficult sometimes.

I feel like there are much healthier and more productive ways for me to get outside my comfort zone. When I mentioned getting travel anxiety, my sister referred to this trip as being "exposure therapy." But why expose yourself to something that you don't feel the need to have in your life? I don't go swimming with sharks in order to try to be more comfortable around deadly animals. Why feel the need to force myself to become comfortable with traveling? If I want exposure therapy that is actually pertinent to my life then I could join a book club or hiking group and try to make myself meet new people close to home.
I'm just rambling and trying to get my thoughts together, but thank you for your reply. It helps to have these different ways of thinking about it, in order to determine how I'm really feeling.
 

Srijita52

Well-known member
I feel like there are much healthier and more productive ways for me to get outside my comfort zone. When I mentioned getting travel anxiety, my sister referred to this trip as being "exposure therapy." But why expose yourself to something that you don't feel the need to have in your life? I don't go swimming with sharks in order to try to be more comfortable around deadly animals. Why feel the need to force myself to become comfortable with traveling? If I want exposure therapy that is actually pertinent to my life then I could join a book club or hiking group and try to make myself meet new people close to home.
I'm just rambling and trying to get my thoughts together, but thank you for your reply. It helps to have these different ways of thinking about it, in order to determine how I'm really feeling.
I agree with you, there're much better ways to get out of you comfort zone if you feel the need to. You don't have to do something you don't like just for the sake of "exposure therapy". Good luck with whatever decision you make. :)
 

Etbow23

Well-known member
I understand how you feel about the whole issue, I've felt that way about certain things that other people just can't understand. Sometimes I act strange about things and no one can understand why I would waste this or that opportunity. Granted, it is pretty nice of your sisters to spend that much money to go a nice resort in Costa Rica. I've never been to a resort, and I can imagine it is really nice. At least they're making an effort to do something for you they think you'd like. But if you don't feel comfortable going there (for example, besides the preparations, you don't know Spanish, it's an unknown, foreign place...) then I would suggest to talk to them honestly about it. Say that it's your birthday, and you'd like to compromise by travelling somewhere that's in the states. You mentioned you wanted to go to Michigan...if they don't want to go there maybe they'd want to go someplace more "grand" like Los Angeles or the Grand Canyon..I don't know. If they can't understand your feelings, then maybe it's best you don't go anywhere with them, honestly. It's just the way it is that some people prefer to be at home, and other people would rather travel abroad. They should be able to understand that and compromise for you, especially since it's your birthday.

I had sort of a bad experience regarding travel with my two older sisters, too. They both live in Europe, and when I was 18 I went to visit them. They asked me to come because my mom was going on vacation and they didn't want me to be home alone with my ex-stepfather. I ended up spending basically all my savings, and getting into a huge fight with one of my sisters, and spending a night on the trains of Paris, trying to get back to England, where my other sister lived at the time. I was younger then and less able to handle things, but I am saying I totally understand why you don't want to travel with them. Sisters, especially older ones, are difficult.

Another thing you could consider is looking into what resort it is, what they have to do there, everything. Maybe if you get to know where you'd potentially be going, it wouldn't seem as bad. Who knows, maybe it could be the opportunity of a lifetime.
 
Last edited:

Hoppy

Well-known member
some far off place where I am going to feel very, very trapped.

This sounds so very familiar, and so very, very scary.

It seems that your sisters are going to bulldoze you anyway and that you don't know how to say "no."

Option 1 would be to say yes, but take your fiance with you, and then make sure you get as much time as possible alone.

Option 2 would be to learn how to say "No". Then you would run the risk of them being very angry with you.

Option 3 is to lie. Tell them you are going somewhere with your fiance's family or something, and then stay at home with the curtains closed. (sounds like heaven to me.)

Option 4 is to tell the truth. But it sounds as if you did that and they didn't believe you.
 
I totally understand where you are coming from. Im pretty much the same way. i can deal with people for a few hours at the max, but I need at least 5 hours by myself to recover from it. I haven't actually spent the night in any location other than my house for a few years now. I dont think I could actually handle not having that safe space where I know no one else would enter if i told them not to. Which is really a shame since I want to travel a lot. :/
 

Silatuyok

Well-known member
Well I talked to my fiance and he is interested in the idea of going as a group to England or Ireland, probably next summer. I will bring that up to my sisters, and see what they think about it. That way I would be ensured a good amount of privacy and a room to get away if I need to. We'll see what they say.
 

Foxface

Well-known member
I don't like to travel too, as I feel lonely, especially being exposed to people who judge me. I can't go home and cry it off, if I get upset.

Everytime I go out with the family, I feel awkward, even when out with myself. I feel so alone, becuase I'm me and there is no one else like me. No oen to relate to about how I feel and stuff.

I also don't like flying.
 
Top