Does your anxiety make you bug eyed?
- Thread starter Nervous
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My Foot is itchy
Yeah, this happens to me a lot. Where people look at me and open their eyes big and wide on purpose, and raise their eyebrows. The reason this happens happens to me is because I always have my eyes opened as wide as can be. I know that's kind of weird, but it's an obsession and I think it looks better. It's really hard to do it all the time. I don't know what they think, maybe they think you are doing it to them or something. I just try to ignore it.
Yeah, this happens to me a lot. Where people look at me and open their eyes big and wide on purpose, and raise their eyebrows. The reason this happens happens to me is because I always have my eyes opened as wide as can be. I know that's kind of weird, but it's an obsession and I think it looks better. It's really hard to do it all the time. I don't know what they think, maybe they think you are doing it to them or something. I just try to ignore it.
TheNewZero
Well-known member
Lol yeah I do this all the time. My eyes hurt sometimes from it. Sometimes people approach me about it and are like, are you okay? You look petrified! I do it when I'm not scared too. Whenever I'm in class and the teacher is talking about something interesting I get all bug eyed. I guess I should try to fix that...it's probably a little disturbing.
Anubis
Well-known member
Yea, what SickJoke said.
I find that eyes are definitely the trickiest things to control because one little wrong move, and you're conveying a completely different emotion. I've actually tried to get a better understanding of them recently (since they're critical in my quest to become more secure with myself). Here's the best eye-to-emotion analysis I could come up with.
"wide-eyed" = fear
"squinted eyes" = confusion/deep thought
"inner eye raise" = sarcasm/disgust
"default position" = congenial/placated
I find that eyes are definitely the trickiest things to control because one little wrong move, and you're conveying a completely different emotion. I've actually tried to get a better understanding of them recently (since they're critical in my quest to become more secure with myself). Here's the best eye-to-emotion analysis I could come up with.
"wide-eyed" = fear
"squinted eyes" = confusion/deep thought
"inner eye raise" = sarcasm/disgust
"default position" = congenial/placated
That's interesting. I'll keep those in mind.
TooShyShy
Well-known member
Is ths common in shy people Sick Joke?
This reminds me of my shy guy at work...
For months he could never look me in the eye when we talked, he looked up and down and all around..lol..then he started doing this thing where he would OPEN HIS EYES REALLY REALLY WIDE very intent on looking right at me, INTO MY EYES UNTIL HE WAS DONE SPEAKING, he would arch his neck too, get his shoulders all straight, feet apart..do everything in a very obvious way and look into my eyes very intently before speaking.
I never said anything for fear it would hurt him or be uncomfortable for him to be realized or pointed out. Honestly, i never got why he did it at first..other than he was foricng himself to make eye contact with me, like he could with everyone else and it was something he was working on and felt very strongly about. He walked by me over and again before he could do it but he did it and continued to do it more naturally as time went by!!!
Definitly i'd say he's much better now. He's still nervous and scared (read my threads)around me and can look at me in a more natural way now..especially from across a room, it was very obvious for a couple of days though.
Interesting topic!!!!!!!!!!!
This reminds me of my shy guy at work...
For months he could never look me in the eye when we talked, he looked up and down and all around..lol..then he started doing this thing where he would OPEN HIS EYES REALLY REALLY WIDE very intent on looking right at me, INTO MY EYES UNTIL HE WAS DONE SPEAKING, he would arch his neck too, get his shoulders all straight, feet apart..do everything in a very obvious way and look into my eyes very intently before speaking.
I never said anything for fear it would hurt him or be uncomfortable for him to be realized or pointed out. Honestly, i never got why he did it at first..other than he was foricng himself to make eye contact with me, like he could with everyone else and it was something he was working on and felt very strongly about. He walked by me over and again before he could do it but he did it and continued to do it more naturally as time went by!!!
Definitly i'd say he's much better now. He's still nervous and scared (read my threads)around me and can look at me in a more natural way now..especially from across a room, it was very obvious for a couple of days though.
Interesting topic!!!!!!!!!!!
SickJoke
Well-known member
Shy people will often look down and be submissive, usually their eyes are soft. Wide, fearful eyes is a clear indicator of heightened awareness and anxiety - fear.
Yeah that is interesting. So he has no problem being relaxed around other people, including attractive women, but he gets nervous and scared around you?
Are you comfortable chatting with men? Are you relaxed, smiling, and encouraging him to speak during your conversation?
I'd hate to jump to a conclusion, but is it possible that you're nervous during the interaction? Is it possible that, afterwards, you're projecting your own nervousness on to him, assuming that he's the one with the issue and not yourself?
Like I said I don't know enough about the whole situation to come to a conclusion, those are just my thoughts.
TooShyShy
Well-known member
Yes he is fine with everyone else i am the only woman he has a hard time with (and the others are very pretty women as well) i will say they are married, moms, and some are older than us..like a mom or grandma type..we work in a school, he's a janitor but everyone chats and gets along well!!!
He is never shy with any of them; easy, funny, jokester, etc. until he gets around me and he looks afraid..if i am stanidng close to him i can feel his breathing change and see the look of fright on his face!!!! And like i said the others are all taken..married with children BUT VERY ATTRACTIVE its just with me!!!!! Thats when everyone started saying HE'S VERY ATTRACTED TO YOU!!! You are his type!!!!!
i WILL ADMIT HE'S THE ONLY MAN I HAVE BEEN REALLY SHY WITH LIKE THIS..I am a shy gal, i admit, but not once i get to know someone.then i may still be quiet but i can definitly make friends and date
Just so you know, i am on these boards to have a better understanding of what he is going through. People at work have aways said he is VERY shy with gals..and possibly commitment phobic or social anxiety & fear of intimacy (people who have worked with him for 15 yrs) so thats why i looked it up and found the boards..i wanted to understand him better and try to help!!! I really care about him!!!!!!
I WAS FINE WHEN I FIRST MET HIM ACTUALLY, IT WAS HIS SHYNESS AND NERVOUSNESS THAT FRIGHTEHED ME. LOL!!! I noticed very early on (even before i liked him) that he couldn't look at me EVER was very uneasy and scared...he'd only look when i would look away!!! Or from across the room which he still does, its when i got close to him that he would get all scared & anxious. It just made it so hard for us to talk..his face would go blank even, like he forgot what he wsas saying or to keep breathing or something. He also use to look out the window or door before approaching me--it looked like he wanted to try and breathe slowly or calm himself down????? He did that several times in the beginning, quite possibly a panic attack????
Others have commented on it ALOT since we started working together EVEN BEFORE I STARTED BEING INTERESTED its anywhere from you BOTH look like love sick fools when you look at one another to...he watches you when you walk to...he still isn't comfortable with you H ELOOKS SO SCARED!!!!
I can definitly look at him in the eye I ALWAYS HAVE BEEN ABLE TO AND I CAN TALK TO HIM bu i am sure i give off nervous signals too but you have ti understand he is so uneasy that it makes me uneasy..its such a shame bcuz he still won't go away!!!! He tried all last week to get me to lok in his direction!!!! I feel for him, i really do!!!!!!!!!
Did you read the rest of my post from yesterday???? The new one i started with the updates??? That may help
I love your input by the way..your posts are AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He is never shy with any of them; easy, funny, jokester, etc. until he gets around me and he looks afraid..if i am stanidng close to him i can feel his breathing change and see the look of fright on his face!!!! And like i said the others are all taken..married with children BUT VERY ATTRACTIVE its just with me!!!!! Thats when everyone started saying HE'S VERY ATTRACTED TO YOU!!! You are his type!!!!!
i WILL ADMIT HE'S THE ONLY MAN I HAVE BEEN REALLY SHY WITH LIKE THIS..I am a shy gal, i admit, but not once i get to know someone.then i may still be quiet but i can definitly make friends and date
Just so you know, i am on these boards to have a better understanding of what he is going through. People at work have aways said he is VERY shy with gals..and possibly commitment phobic or social anxiety & fear of intimacy (people who have worked with him for 15 yrs) so thats why i looked it up and found the boards..i wanted to understand him better and try to help!!! I really care about him!!!!!!
I WAS FINE WHEN I FIRST MET HIM ACTUALLY, IT WAS HIS SHYNESS AND NERVOUSNESS THAT FRIGHTEHED ME. LOL!!! I noticed very early on (even before i liked him) that he couldn't look at me EVER was very uneasy and scared...he'd only look when i would look away!!! Or from across the room which he still does, its when i got close to him that he would get all scared & anxious. It just made it so hard for us to talk..his face would go blank even, like he forgot what he wsas saying or to keep breathing or something. He also use to look out the window or door before approaching me--it looked like he wanted to try and breathe slowly or calm himself down????? He did that several times in the beginning, quite possibly a panic attack????
Others have commented on it ALOT since we started working together EVEN BEFORE I STARTED BEING INTERESTED its anywhere from you BOTH look like love sick fools when you look at one another to...he watches you when you walk to...he still isn't comfortable with you H ELOOKS SO SCARED!!!!
I can definitly look at him in the eye I ALWAYS HAVE BEEN ABLE TO AND I CAN TALK TO HIM bu i am sure i give off nervous signals too but you have ti understand he is so uneasy that it makes me uneasy..its such a shame bcuz he still won't go away!!!! He tried all last week to get me to lok in his direction!!!! I feel for him, i really do!!!!!!!!!
Did you read the rest of my post from yesterday???? The new one i started with the updates??? That may help
I love your input by the way..your posts are AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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SickJoke
Well-known member
If everyone around you is telling you he's attracted to you, and all the signals point to it (he's not nervous around other attractive women, he stares at you, etc.), then I think you're absolutely right: he's attracted to you, and that's why he's behaving this way.
Yeah that makes a lot of sense. You've done the research and you've talked to coworkers about it. It seems pretty clear that he has intimacy issues and a history of social phobia. Knowing that, and looking at the signals, he is definitely attracted to you, and also terrified of you
His anxiety makes you nervous, which is a natural response for any healthy person. The problem is, he recognizes that he makes you nervous, and that makes him even more nervous, and it just spirals out and gets worse.
You're in the position of power here. Your reaction determines his emotional state. If you smile, show interest in him, laugh, and ignore his nervousness, he'll be happy around you. If you react to his nervousness, he'll only get more nervous. Most women wouldn't want that kind of power over a man, they want someone who is strong and independent. But, if you want to pursue the relationship, you'll have to take control.
Thank you, that's very sweet of you. I wish I had the perfect solution for your situation, but if you've been on these boards since November for this guy, it must be a really complicated situation.
TooShyShy
Well-known member
Thank you for taking the time to read and answer my post Sick Joke..i know in my heart the feelings are there on both sides i just also need to know that i am fighting a losing battle..its been a long time and nothing has really improved, he is so scared of me and i just don't get why????? What did i do for him to be so frightened???? I just want him to be relaxed and treat me like the other ladies in the building!!!!!
He even jumps a mile if i gently put a hand on his knee or arm.
Once as i walked by and he was in a chair, i wanted to get his attention to say hello so i patted his knee and he JUMPED a mile and turned BEET RED as i was talking to him!!!!! LOL!!!!!! I felt so bad afterwards, he was so embarrassed looking and self conscious after that for some reason!!!! Or even just on his shoulder lightly when saying good bye (he could barely look at me..he just looked down and said have a nice weekend) he also has a thing about saying my name when he says hello as well!!!!!!
But anyway, i can't wait for the next thread you start, they're always so informative!!!!
He even jumps a mile if i gently put a hand on his knee or arm.
Once as i walked by and he was in a chair, i wanted to get his attention to say hello so i patted his knee and he JUMPED a mile and turned BEET RED as i was talking to him!!!!! LOL!!!!!! I felt so bad afterwards, he was so embarrassed looking and self conscious after that for some reason!!!! Or even just on his shoulder lightly when saying good bye (he could barely look at me..he just looked down and said have a nice weekend) he also has a thing about saying my name when he says hello as well!!!!!!
But anyway, i can't wait for the next thread you start, they're always so informative!!!!
madmike
Well-known member
Wow seems like a very common problem. I do think eye contact and the correct facial expression is really important to successful communication though. I used avoid people's gaze because it made me so nervous that water would start to stream out of my eyes (i wouldn't call it crying exactly lol). But in those days i couldn't even talk to most people for over one minute. Now that i can at least make eye contact and often feel relatively at ease around people i feel i've made so much progress with communication (even if i've still got a long way to go)