Does my friend think I'm a waste of space?

musicbuffuk

musicbuffuk

Member
Hi. I went to visit my friend in Cornwall for his 18th birthday party. He was the only person there I knew.
I feel so bad because he really wanted me there but I just hid in the spare bedroom all night. I really wanted to mingle with everyone but couldn't do it. I kept thinking I'm a idiot when talking to them.
He knows about my problems and he did keep coming in the room to make sure I was ok and tried to convice me to come down.
He said he understood and that if I felt like being on my own then that was fine.
I just keep thinking that deep down he thinks I'm a waste of space, miserable person.
I've had been hurt by alot of friends in the past and I keep thinking he is laughing about me to all his friends.
 
just wanna b normal

just wanna b normal

Well-known member
do research on your condition (SA) to help you better to understand it to overcome it. you shouldnt avoid social situations you live & learn plus it dosent matter what people think this is your life not theirs it should only matter to you what you think.
 
F

Feathers

Well-known member
Well, the important thing is you showed your friendship and were there for him...

He may not undertsand what's going on, and maybe it may be good to talk to him and discuss things... Maybe when you both had a chance to sleep it off a bit and recover from it?

Parties can be stressful and even 'normal' people (without SA) can have a bad day or when they are ill/sick/coming down with the flu or something, and may not feel up to talking with everyone.
If Cornwall is far away from you, maybe you were also just plain exhausted from the trip??

I've been at a friend's party too, and some of the time was with others, some of the time not.. (it was far away too, and I was tired from the trip too!!) She still likes me and I like her, we're still friends!! Parties and people can get lively and sometimes people even don't notice or don't think twice about it..

I'm sure if he's your real friend he'll understand, and maybe even blame himself for pushing you that much to come, and maybe even feels guilty that you didn't enjoy it.. So it may be good to talk about it and check how things are..

Even if he would think (which is highly unlikely) that you're a waste of space, miserable person, and would be laughing with his friends - what would that mean?? Mainly, that he's an inconsiderate person!! Says more about him than about you, surely!!
If he kept double-checking it seems he's most probably better than that and probably a caring and understanding person!!

Sorry to hear you've been hurt by a lot of people in the past, apaprently they weren't true friends??
Maybe it's good to reconsider your criteria for friendship - a true friend is someone who is accepting of you and likes you as you are!!
Maybe take time to get to know people and only then call them 'friends'?

Maybe it's also good to reconsider next time you accept party invitations - maybe try to get the person to tell you who else will be there, maybe even show you their pictures and tell you about them.. and to introduce you to everyone in a nice way... Or make sure to get there early enough to rest a bit or see some nature and recuperate, or talk to your friend in private first...?
 
Blaze

Blaze

Well-known member
At least your able to show up for your friends party. I've blown off all the parties I've been invited to for years, and now the invitations don't come anymore.
 
vj288

vj288

not actually Fiona Apple
I have a friend like that, and he doesn't think that. You know he likes you as a friend, he wants to hang out and stuff, but as your friend he also recognizes who you are and probably wants to help in every way he can. He just wants you to have a good time, but doesn't want to force you especially if it makes you uncomfortable.

He doesn't think you're a waste of space, but he knows about your problems like you said and really wants to help. He doesn't look down or thinks you're a pathetic or miserable person, he just wants to be a friend.
 
Psychedelicious

Psychedelicious

1
Empty Spaces

If you're friend thought that you were a waste of space then he wouldn't be your friend. He has no reason to think that, and you have no reason to believe that's what he is thinking. I'm sure he only wants to help you, but at the same time is letting you decide to come out when you are comfortable. He sounds like a good friend, keep this one.
 
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MollyBeGood

MollyBeGood

Well-known member
musicbuffuk said:
Hi. I went to visit my friend in Cornwall for his 18th birthday party. He was the only person there I knew.
I feel so bad because he really wanted me there but I just hid in the spare bedroom all night. I really wanted to mingle with everyone but couldn't do it. I kept thinking I'm a idiot when talking to them.
He knows about my problems and he did keep coming in the room to make sure I was ok and tried to convice me to come down.
He said he understood and that if I felt like being on my own then that was fine.
I just keep thinking that deep down he thinks I'm a waste of space, miserable person.
I've had been hurt by alot of friends in the past and I keep thinking he is laughing about me to all his friends.
Click to expand...

It's really great you tried to get out and go to the party. Give yourself some credit for getting out of your comfort zone-first and foremost. You're not a waste of space*hugs*
Your friend, if they are a true friend and they are hard to find, should understand and support you. period. otherwise they are not worth having.
 
Ignace

Ignace

Well-known member
Blaze said:
At least your able to show up for your friends party. I've blown off all the parties I've been invited to for years, and now the invitations don't come anymore.
Click to expand...

And again, I share this opinion.
Don't pin yourself down that you weren't able to go 'party', but at least you showed your friend you came all the way to him just for him. :)
 
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