Does anybody else have this problem?

[Tulicks]

I'm always so focused on making direct eye contact with the person I am interacting with that I can't concentrate on what they are telling me. Basically I feel starry. Like I'm peering into their soul while they are taking to me. It's annoying because when it's my turn to talk I have to scramble my brain to come up with a worthy reply. I'm not sure if I explained this well enough. Can anyone relate? And what are some tips that might help me concentrate better while talking face to face with someone.

 

[Hoppy]

A long time ago in a book on learning I read that you get different types of learners.

The visual type have to look at the person talking.
The audio type tends to turn the dominant ear to the person talking
The physical type tend to look down.

I'm afraid I cannot tell you where I learned it but afterwords I noticed in myself that I can better concentrate at what people say if I do not really look at them.

 

[Tulicks]

A long time ago in a book on learning I read that you get different types of learners.

The visual type have to look at the person talking.
The audio type tends to turn the dominant ear to the person talking
The physical type tend to look down.

I'm afraid I cannot tell you where I learned it but afterwords I noticed in myself that I can better concentrate at what people say if I do not really look at them.

I think I am the audio type. When I star off or "zone out" in a sense I find I can concentrate better on what people are saying to me. If I force myself to lock eyes with them I can't concentrate at all because I'm too focused on staring. Thanks for the advice, it was very helpful.

 

[SilentBird]

When someone is talking to me I keep eye-contact with them or I watch their lips move.

When I am speaking to someone I mostly look away. Is this an autistic trait?

 

[cobalt_bluester]

Eye contact is my biggest problem. I can't maintain eye contact and am afraid of looking into other people's eyes.

 

[lou27]

When someone is talking to me I keep eye-contact with them or I watch their lips move.

When I am speaking to someone I mostly look away. Is this an autistic trait?

I think it sounds like you do the same thing as me. I like to look at someone when they are talking, but when I speak I spend most of the time looking in one direction to think of what I want to say. If I focused on the person when I'm speaking, I'd go blank. I basically find it hard when I suddenly realise that the other person is focusing on me; I become very self-conscious.
Is that the same as what you experience?

Lou27

 

[Lea]

No I only have to look away, otherwise I am a mess and can´t concentrate on what is being said. I am not a multitasker, I can´t do both maintaining the bloody eye contact and think and speak at the same time.

 

[mikebird]

Whoooah...

Now you've got me going!

I only thought of this years ago, reading a list of interview tips - everyone offers such lists, and none are the same.

Maintaining eye contact, in my context, it just means to show you're interested. I never have a problem. Looking away, long-term, must mean you're bored, scared, apprehensive, lazy, or depressed. People who stare into my eyes might feel assertive; I've never encountered this.

A recent new psychologist came to visit a few weeks ago, and when the 30 mins came to an end, he congratulated me for maintaining eye contact. He never told me. I just have enough written tips to stick to a basic protocol.

I think looking into the eyes means you're listening.

I'm told my worst attribute is not listening, or answering the questions I'm asked. I'm told I really have to 'stick to the point' and not wander on my own tangent.

But that's because I have my own creative side.

I'm unsettled by simple questions such as 'how are you?' or 'what's you favourite colour?'

I prefer deeper questions about the scale or the universe, other galaxies, and the orbits of each planet. I'd give a good answer to 'how do you build the differential of any gearbox', or 'decide how to tack or gybe in a yacht, when you're in the centre of a storm?'

I guess it's important to impress by following someone's thread in a conversation. When someone looks away to gather their own thoughts, I wouldn't mind; I'd respect it. I'd rather give more time, rather than curtailing an interview, as people do with me... passing the test of doing what the boss wants. They lose, if I can't show my colours of imagination...

Who's listening or ignoring?

I can't use the 'phone. The concept is dead.

Tulicks, you've done it for me! All these ideas from you all. I may be more upfront than audio. A mammal's primary sense is vision. Epiglottis and ears are our second sense. The next time I get an anonymous call from a recruiter, telemarketer, selling double-glazing, or life insurance, or pretending to write off my debt, as I almost always reply with 'piss off', now I can add 'I can't see you', as they hide behind their secret 'phone.

I'd prefer you waving your flappy hands at me, as TV presenters do.I ain't deaf

I ain't blind. I like reading and writing. I ain't stupid.

 

[Duzmiu]

i have a similar problem, i always tend to look in someones eyes when there talking to me but when i have to talk i dunno what to say, i feel really anxious and weird when looking someone in the eyes tho i tend to try and glance around the room every now and then.

i dont go out much so when i do most people know i have trouble with keeping my attention on something, most just think i have ADD or ADHD but ive never been diagnosed with it tho.

 

[Kiwong]

When I talk to people I always struggle to not to find something to look at that will embarrass me.