do your parents make your anxiety worse?

[KJC]

I don't know

I don't know

 

[lilmutegirl]

I'm so sorry your parents are treating you this way. My parents ignore me when I tell them what I want/need, but they aren't controlling like yours. It seems that it would benefit you to move away from them, so that you can get a handle on your life yourself, but I realize this may not be a realistic option at this point. I hope that you are able to find a way out, and find people who support you in your decisions.

 

[SilentType]

Hey KJC. I'm in a similar situation, though not as extreme as using tracking devices, lol. My mom wants to control everything I do. Today though, I think I broke the metaphorical chain she has had tied around my neck for my whole life. After an hour of fighting this morning, apparently my dad finally talked some sense into her. She came up to me after she returned from work, said she is going to back off and just hope I choose to do the right things, and that all she is doing is caring about me, but maybe a little too much. Shes been keeping tabs on everything I do ever since she got me sent to the local behavioral science unit back in December. Since December, I've been rebelling against her rules that shes been throwing at me and it seems it's finally come to her attention that I'm 22 and I'm going to do what I want no matter what she has to say.

What I'm saying is, you have to make her realize that your an adult and you're going to do as you please. You're going to school, bettering yourself, so you deserve to have some fun. Go have that fun, and when your parents bitch at you about it just tell them you're tired of being a prisoner in your own home. It's really just about give and take, and in this case you're letting them take way too much. Time to begin the revolt . It's the only way to be set free... Until you have the resources to move out that is...

Peace

 

[SilentType]

whoops double posted... but good luck in your struggle with your parents!


Peace

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

I think my parents are making my anxiety worse. They don't let me go anywhere outside the house unless it is to college or work. Even then they put a tracking device in my car to make sure I don't go anywhere else. They micromanage every assignment I do, and forced me to take classes I don't want to take. I don't like the college I'm at either but they just ignore me. They even think I am incapable of tying my own shoes! Since they refuse to get along with the neighbors and certain parts of our family I can't interact with them either. All of my repeated objections have been ignored.

Putting a tracking device in your car seems rather extreme. In fact, I find it a little sinister. You're 19, not 9.

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

Oh yeah, she also has hooked up her blackberry to my email system so she can read all my emails.

That has caused me to stop emailing the one person I was able to get the email address of before high school ended. She had the nerve to lecture about what I should and shouldn't say to my friend. You see, I made a mildly negative comment about my employer, so she thinks it will get back to the employer because he happens to live in the same town as my friend... So I'm not emailing if I have to put up with that crap. The only way I got registered for this forum was by deleting the confirmation email on her blackberry when she wasn't looking.

I really think you need to have a discussion with your mom about what is and isn't acceptable behaviour. You're an adult. Reading your emails is way out of line.

 

[ありがとう]

My parents are controlling too, though gotta admit, your mum is quite extreme and contradicting. I think it's weird how your mum encourages you to make friends, but you're not allowed out anyway so I don't see how that works out. For me I was never allowed out and they discouraged me to make friends. It's true that those kind of people do make your anxiety worse, it has for me.

I can't really offer you any advice as I somewhat struggle with it still. It sucks that you're still at home for college, college campus has been the gateway to my freedom. But anyway you need to slowly get out of the house more and do your own things. Lie to your parents if that's the only way, you don't need to let your parents know everything. Get yourself another mob number and email address that your parents don't know. Think about what you want more, not what she wants, you are an individual, an adult, not a kid anymore. Also move out as early as possible by making a plan, get a job to help save some money if that's even possible. Rebel if that's the last thing left (which is probably difficult), also talk to your dad about her - perhaps team up, you're allowing your mum to control your life. I know it's scary having to go against her, but she is at wrong and you are right. Sorry I haven't been much of help.

 

[Dhes]

my father shy like me either, he don't talk to me, he will just talk to me when he wants to scold me or we rarely talk.

 

[staticreflex]

Just to clarify, I am mostly talking about my mom here. My dad is okay but he knows he can't talk any sense into her--he's been trying for 20 years. She certainly isn't listening to me. My mom is probably the most stubborn person I have ever seen. Once she has some idea, everyone has to be miserable until she accomplishes it no matter how inane it is. Another charming aspect is that she likes to lecture me on how to behave while doing the complete opposite in her own life. She has no friends, but constantly demands I make friends. She tells me not to avoid people while she goes out of her way to avoid people. I think most of her damage has already been done, though. Since she makes enemies everywhere she goes I must inevitably suffer the consequences, which include lost friendships and angry teachers. And since she thinks I can never do my homework right by myself I have no confidence in doing anything without help. Her only solution to my problems is going back to church or joining an undefined "youth group" although I am 19 and have no interest in either. I used to invite friends over, but she has been so embarassing I eventually decided to stop. And no, she certainly would never let me live on a college campus by myself.

What she is doing is terrible, it is is unequivocally unacceptable. You are 19, and she should not be doing any of these things to you. She sounds manipulative and controlling (and insane.) Get a new email, get a new bank account, and tell her to bugger off. Easier said than done I know, but this situation sounds aweful, it is not even close to being normal or healthy for you. You should never feel responsible for her threatening suicide or any other bs she tries to pull.

 

[seafolly]

Mine do make my anxiety worse but gosh, they're nothing like your parents. They're the exact opposite I think. The reason my anxiety increases I think is because I hold their opinions of me/what I do in such a high regard that it ends up being detrimental. They're not perfect by any means but they don't do anything to trigger anxiety that's for sure. I'm SO sorry you're going through that and hope you get to move out some time soon!

 

[seafolly]

This situation baffles me. I'm just trying to think of why they're doing this. Was there some traumatizing incident when you were little and they're afraid to lose you? I don't know how to ask this so please bear in mind I don't mean this in an offensive way...could it be a cultural thing? I'm just thinking of a friend of mine who went through something very similar but her parents were from a different country with views different than her own (she wasn't raised in the same one they were).

 

[Sara01]

One of my parents is a psychiatrist...so yes they do make my anxiety worse. Whenever I go to a doctor, my parents question the prescribed treatment plan. Lately I have been trying to keep them in the dark when it comes to medication issues! That is always a source of conflict for me.

 

[seafolly]

One of my parents is a psychiatrist...so yes they do make my anxiety worse. Whenever I go to a doctor, my parents question the prescribed treatment plan. Lately I have been trying to keep them in the dark when it comes to medication issues! That is always a source of conflict for me.

Oh good grief.
Mine are the opposite. Whatever the psychiatrist says goes! And this guy is the epitomy of a mad scientist. It was only when he started to continually forget to refill my benzo prescription (dangerous!) that they started to think, "Oh, maybe our daughter was onto something..." *headdesk*

 

[Scira]

That is terrible, my mother was controlling like that, but I never had to put up with a tracking device, and she finally settled down about it a couple of years ago.
I read your messages again and if you are serious, you need to get away from her, she is beyond controlling, she is abusive. You may make things miserable for your dad, but if he is willing to put up with her that is his choice, and you don't seem to get a choice in anything you do.
I would say your dad sounds somewhat reasonable, I don't think he would let her kick you out of the house without a good reason. Do what you want, if you don't have one, try to get a part time job and save up your money in a new bank account so you can move out. Get a new email address. Take public transportation if you don't want her tracking you.
Hell, I would bet if you told your neighbors about what she does even they would be willing to help you.
I really hope you joking.

 

[fitftw]

I'm 26 and still live at home. My mom hates my guts and thinks I'm a poor excuse for a man and wants me out, but my dad runs the house and he says it's okay that I stay here but he made it clear that it won't be for much longer.

So yeah, I'd say my parents make my anxiety worse. I'm pretty sure they understand though. They saw me grow up. They know how weird I am and how hard life is for me. I lock myself in my room all night every night basically. They must wonder about me.

 

[Illusions]

I'm shocked at how much of a control freak your mum is, she's ridiculous and plain f**king crazy! I don't know how you put up with it. You deserve so much more freedom since you're technically an adult and of legal age (I'd know, I'm the same age as you). I know it isn't exactly easy to do but you should get the hell out of there and away from her since it's apparently it's no use trying to talk some sense into her.

 

[Silvox Black]

If a parent is so obstinate or bigoted that they fail to realize what you suffer from, or simply don't care, then yes they will always make your anxiety worse. My mother always succeeds in causing hell for me without any reason beyond the fact that I am apparently a "crazy person" who has "problems" that are making me a horrible person.

 

[Silvox Black]

Ah my apologies, I did not catch that last sentence in your post KJC. In this case, well, it honestly depends on whether or not you wish to salvage any sort of relationship with your mother. If you think you do, then I would recommend finding ways to communicate with her on non-hostile or at least neutral ground. You should also demand to have a right to know what is going on in your family, after all it is your family as well. Try to find a way to speak openly with her. If you simply don't care and would rather watch your mother suffer, then by all means make yourself as independent as possible. Jobs, college, the usual drivel, they all help further yourself from any control your parents may wish to place on you.

My apologies if my advice was less than spectacular, when it comes to dealing with obstinate mothers I tend to have a bit of trouble myself.

 

[AstraeaLunaAvani]

For some reason I can't see the original post, just everyone's replies!

Just wanted to say I can say for sure that my parents (my dad, pretty much) makes my anxiety worse, in fact he is probably the cause of it. He was always the strict parent, who couldn't accept when I turned into an adult, and he gets more controlling, verbally abusive, judgemental and smothering the older I get I am 39 and he treats me like i'm 13. I'm not the brightest bulb on the tree but he's always told me I was worthless and stupid which doesn't help matters. Even to this day he still thinks I can't take care of myself or do anything on my own. Sometimes I think what it would feel like if he wasn't around, but then I feel guilty. I don't want him to die, of course, but I can't help but feel he messed me up so bad that I can't be fixed, and I won't feel free until he's gone.

 

[Necrucifer]

Same here can not see the original post...just replies but I love my mom at least...my dad sometimes threatens to kill the whole family if my mother divorced him or kick us out if anything happens to her as in dreadful...but I know that part wont happen he is not on the will...My dad is the only thing that I really despise and is partially the only reason I still live at home to protect my family.

I had a ton of arguments with him and I have called the police on him twice so far but to no avail nothing...He is a drunk also and I remember when I was younger he picked me up and punched the heck out of me against a wall...so yes and now he is talking bad abou tme about not having a job and I know I need to get one and I have tried...a few interviews no success.

So it makes me feel more like crap and makes me not even want to live sometimes...I hope you are holding up over there even though I can not read what is wrong but I hope the best for you truly.