Do you place too much significance on potential new friendships?

weberriver

weberriver

Active member
I find myself doing both extremes. Sometimes I get way worked up about a new person in my life, caring far too much about their opinions, etc., before I even really know them. Other times (more common nowadays) I'll find myself unconsciously sabotaging a new friendship because I don't want to get hurt later on. How about you all?
 
weberriver

weberriver

Active member
How do we strike a balance? Honestly I'm still a bit upset about a lost friendship from this past semester...knowing my problems with letting new people into my life, I tried to be extra careful this time, but to no avail. This person and I hung out for hours every day for months, everything seemed to be just fine, and then suddenly she cuts off contact. Won't return e-mails or phone calls. And it's not because anything's wrong with her, because she still hangs around our other classmate. I've pretty much given up on it. I have no idea what I did to cause it and it really bothers me. It feels like little more than another painful reminder of why I don't get involved in this stuff.
 
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Foxface

Well-known member
weberriver said:
I find myself doing both extremes. Sometimes I get way worked up about a new person in my life, caring far too much about their opinions, etc., before I even really know them. Other times (more common nowadays) I'll find myself unconsciously sabotaging a new friendship because I don't want to get hurt later on. How about you all?
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Quite smiliar. There was this girl in high school that actually spoke to me, sometime later, I was stupid and kinda ignored her, becuase I thought I was going to get hurt later on. Something always happens becuase of the curse. Mayve it could've worked out.

I remember one time in gym class, she was passing through, she seen me setting over by the wall and actually talked to me. It was nice. One of my best memories.

I added her on Facebook last August. I don't thinksshe knows/remembers me. I haven't told her, becuase I'm a wuss. I tried to post friendly messages on her wall every now and then, but she rarely responds.

Her room mate, added me randomly in like March, and I manage to successfully talk to her few times. There usually isn't much that we talk about, since I always make the first move to talk to her. It's nice that she repsonds. Last month or two, I was thinking about me pushing her away. What happened was, after the holidays, I think March Break. I was showing some people how to hack the soda machine, and she happen to pass by and ask me how my vacation was, but I didn't say much. I was more interested in showing some guys how to hack the soda machine. I regret it now.

I did it, becuase I was afraid someone would happen, either we would get really close, then someone would happen to here, like she would move away or she wouldn't like me anymore. That's usually how it is when I get close to people. It really sucks. I cried my eyes out last month or two thinking about it. I kept thinking about applogizing to her. I don't know if she would remember or maybe she would hate me. I haven't appologized to her yet. Maybe it's better that way, unless we talk it the situation comes up, I will appologize.
 
OceanMist

OceanMist

Well-known member
This kind of stuff happens to everyone, even people that aren't shy. Many people lose friends for many reasons.

My advice is if this person just cut off contact is to just mutter f you too (directed at that person) under your breath by yourself (not to them of course) and move on with your life in some sort of way. You don't need people like them in your life they don't value their time with you. You want people that like you anyway.

I've gotten rejected by multiple women that I tried to date in the last year and it hurts every time but I've developed more of a thick skin for it after it's happened more. People have the right to choose who they spend their time with and if they don't want that time to be with us then they have that right to reject us.

Something I've found is that more options we have, the better. Relying on only one friend can backfire easily.

Of course, one friend or significant other is better than none.....at times. Depends on how I feel, haha. I like my alone time.

There are times when I'm glad that I'm sort of friendless. No drama and lots of me time.
 
vj288

vj288

not actually Fiona Apple
This isn't the case for me, I never recognize the potential for new friendships (usually) and the rare situation I do make a new friend it just sort of happens over time unbeknownst to me. Most people I assume don't want to be my friend or couldn't really get close enough to me to be my friend I guess
 
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Fighter86

Well-known member
Well I place too much emphasis on potential relationships. If the opposite sex shows even the slightest interest (or maybe he is just being nice) I go into overdrive thinking about a future with that person. Sad.
 
Saga

Saga

Well-known member
Hmm, not so much. I've managed to overcome the fear of people leaving me... I think that's mostly just come from a desperation to have friends. I just don't care so much about that anymore. People have come and gone, and it still hurts, but I've managed to survive and find new ones. :/
 
lonelee1

lonelee1

Well-known member
weberriver said:
I find myself doing both extremes. Sometimes I get way worked up about a new person in my life, caring far too much about their opinions, etc., before I even really know them. Other times (more common nowadays) I'll find myself unconsciously sabotaging a new friendship because I don't want to get hurt later on. How about you all?
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i'm like the first half of your post. it ruined my life once and i'm still recovering.
 
skins

skins

1
weberriver said:
I find myself doing both extremes. Sometimes I get way worked up about a new person in my life, caring far too much about their opinions, etc., before I even really know them. Other times (more common nowadays) I'll find myself unconsciously sabotaging a new friendship because I don't want to get hurt later on. How about you all?
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+1 here...whats even more frustrating is when you invest a bit of time getting to know someone, before eventually finding out their true colours that they have backstabbed you, lied to you, or misslead you.
 
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