Do you make excuses to avoid being around people

KiaKaha

KiaKaha

Banned
Tomorrow is my third day at a new job, and I am thinking about calling sick just to avoid the torture of being around new people (that probably think I am weirdo because I am so quiet)... the fourth day is going to be worse because I have to attend a staff meeting for an hour. This got me thinking about all the times I have made excuses to be avoid all kinds of social interactions....taking different routes to avoid people, pretending I am busy, wearing sunglasses etc etc etc... does anyone else do this? My anxiety is really at its peak at the moment and need to hear from other people..
 
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Darryl

Well-known member
Just go to work and to the meeting.
More unwanted attention will be directed to you for not being there.

The meeting will go on with or without you in the end it's not about you so just go with it- don't be yourself, play the part (KEEP CALM AT ALL TIMES).
Were good at reading the situation-, so we have the upper hand.

This meeting isn't about you, is part of all business structures- go with it and learn more about you and social settings.
This is the only way you can drag yourself out of the dark, otherwise your not facing your fears.

But you need to experience the feeling to overcome them and were here to help.
 
kihira

kihira

1
ShyKiwi said:
Tomorrow is my third day at a new job, and I am thinking about calling sick (typical avoidance behaviour)just to avoid the torture of being around new people (that probably think I am weirdo because I am so quiet)(wrong - ppl are expected to be quiet at first, for a few weeks at least)... the fourth day is going to be worse because I have to attend a staff meeting for an hour(very doubtful that you would be expected to contribute, your a newbie there with nothing to add, a one hour meeting is not long, others will do all the yabbing). This got me thinking about all the times I have made excuses to be avoid all kinds of social interactions....taking different routes to avoid people, pretending I am busy, wearing sunglasses etc etc etc... does anyone else do this? My anxiety is really at its peak at the moment and need to hear from other people..
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Work is one of the best places to challenge SA and get paid for it!!!, avoidance perpetuates it and contributes to poorness
...,.,.,.,.,.,.,..,:)
 
Zoya Dulzura

Zoya Dulzura

Active member
I get so many of those moments. I try to remind myself that all those people who I feel anxious around are wrapped up in their own lives and are not going to pay any to attention to my mess-ups that I obsess over. The things that I say that I feel are so dumb do not necessarily come off that way to others--everyone else is paying as much attention to their own lives and priorities as I am to mine. They are far too focused on their own issues to pay attention to mine. Regarding the issue of not wanting to go to work, remember that more than likely, no one else wants to be there either! :)
 
kihira

kihira

1
ShyKiwi said:
Where do you guys find your strength..I feel so weak at the moment.
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ShyKiwi, are you getting professional help with this? Its sounding like it would be a good idea. NZ, like Oz would have good gov. health cover for this? Get to a doc and have a chat.

When you avoid things it compounds the issue, as you confront your courage builds quickly. You are having lots of negative thoughts which will stress you and make you tired and feel less able to cope well. Half the trick at work is to act and pretend a bit, I do it all the time and it works well. :) Fear holds us back.
 
Sinar_Matahari

Sinar_Matahari

Well-known member
ShyKiwi said:
Where do you guys find your strength..I feel so weak at the moment.
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Hope gives me strength. That and the goals/plans I have set for myself. I really want to make certain things happen for me and I have to face my fears in order to make these things happen. For once in my life, I want something bad enough. I also think about what my life will be like five, ten, fifteen years down the road if I let my fears get to me. I've wasted enough time as is.
 
K

Klaus

Well-known member
Sinar_Matahari said:
Hope gives me strength. That and the goals/plans I have set for myself. I really want to make certain things happen for me and I have to face my fears in order to make these things happen. For once in my life, I want something bad enough. I also think about what my life will be like five, ten, fifteen years down the road if I let my fears get to me. I've wasted enough time as is.
Click to expand...

Yeah, hope is everything, actually it's the only thing.
 
F

Feathers

Well-known member
ShyKiwi, YAY, you got a job!! :) I remember how you wanted it and made so much effort to get it!!

Others are right, to just go and brave it... Remember, you may be nervous/excited inside, others may see a calm easygoing laid-back cool guy!!! (They can't read your mind!!)
When you're new, you're supposed to observe and learn, yup... And sometimes 'newbie questions' are okay and can help others see things differently too.. Just make sure to write things down so you don't need to ask the same things again and again..

Pre-Christmas time is nervous for a lot of people, for a lot of reasons.. Some of that may have nothing to do with your job... Just brave it, you don't have to like it!!
You can survive anything for three months! And once you make it past New Year's it's probably gonna be much easier!!

Think about how much better it will look on your resume if you have a few months there at least.. Puma almost didn't last the first week, and now it's more than a month!! (You might wanna read his thread.)

Maybe you can make sure to exercise to de-stress, take a walk, do something you like doing as reward..

And you can come back and report here later!! (in a vague and general enough way, so nobody gets recognized...)
 
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