do you live with anybody who has the same problems?

[EscapeArtist]

Do you live with anybody with your same problems? Depression, social anxiety, low self esteem, OCD, whatever is plaguing you? Maybe it's something more subtle, like trust issues.

Does it help? Does it make it more of an obstacle? What does it do for you? Who has it? I am interested in reading your answers. If not, then have you ever lived with somebody who does? Or, what do you think it would be like, what kind of effect would it have on you? Positive or Negative

Anybody move out, and have their condition improve?
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I live with my mother. She has always been depressed, socially anxious, obsessive and generally neurotic, but lately she is trying out more medications on top of her already heavy doses. She is becoming way more depressed, anxious and jumpy, and all of those things. She is the only person I talk to on a day to day basis, and I think it has completely withdrawn me from the lives of lighthearted, functioning people, because I cannot understand where they are coming from anymore. Additionally... When I am around happy functioning people who I trust and away from my mom, if I am desperate enough for human connection, I can forget how I felt in my house and just be happy to be with somebody who is not miserable. But I never forget that I'm going to have to return to my house, and feel that atmosphere again.

 

[Graeme1988]

I live with my mother too. She has depression and generalized anxiety (I'd say anyway, her social anxiety is fairly mild compared to me). I mean, she can actually function better than me in social situations. I always awkward and nervous, rarely saying a word. Other than that, I don't think it's help much, overall. She can be pretty cold and distant sometimes, which makes it difficult to talk about my anxiety issues. My mum thinks my anxiety and depression issues were probably "inherited" from her. Other times she doesn't take my problems seriously.

So, it can be frustrating at times, to say the least.

 

[coyote]

I know that i can be very sensitive to, and influence by, the moods of the people i'm around.

my spirits are lifted greatly when i'm with people who are happy or at peace

but when i'm with someone who is down, depressed, or anxious, i soon become the same way

 

[Waybuloo]

My Dad was depressed and a bit anxious and sensitive, when I was around him I felt uncertain and unsafe. I have the same symptoms so I think we bounce off eachother and feed the monster. I'm with a very grounded, stable guy who is not easily swayed by other peoples emotions and whims. I feel like he's the stabilising element in the relationship, when you look at the dynamics. When I'm around inspiring and interesting people I feel better and happier. I definitely think it's not helpful to be around someone who is down and depressed, and/or anxious, especially if the person is already affected by the same symptoms. If you are living with them I suggest to always have outside links to people who are the opposite and to people who can lift your mood.

 

[Moa]

I live with my boyfriend. He has SA and general anxiety, just like I do. At first we had a hard time with it, when one of us was having an anxiety flare up, the other would too. We had to learn not to feed into that and stand strong for each other. It wasn't easy, but we're much better about it now.

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

Yes. My family is dysfunctional at best...abusive at its worst. We all have something. It is detrimental because we are all sinking, so we cannot help each other out or see a way out...if anything, we just keep pushing each other down.

She is the only person I talk to on a day to day basis, and I think it has completely withdrawn me from the lives of lighthearted, functioning people, because I cannot understand where they are coming from anymore. Additionally... When I am around happy functioning people who I trust and away from my mom, if I am desperate enough for human connection, I can forget how I felt in my house and just be happy to be with somebody who is not miserable. But I never forget that I'm going to have to return to my house, and feel that atmosphere again.

:: I know what you mean. When I am away from home I always feel so much better. I hate this house so much. Which brings us to this:

Anybody move out, and have their condition improve?

I will be testing that theory out soon. For a long time I have believed that this house is a major obstacle in my recovery. I literally will have to break free to get better. I hope that is the case. Or else, I am all out of ideas!

 

[takeheart]

As far as I'm concerned, I'm the only one in my house with anxiety problems.

 

[UnderTheBoughs]

I think my brother has a similar kind of social anxiety to me, but I think in a lot of ways it is actually worse. Also, he has other habits like it's quite distressing for example when he is eating something like a single toffee sweet he will put in his mouth and take it out again after chewing it a bit, eats dinner with his fingers (not all the way, only when there's not much left), kind of like a child really. At most I'll only say to him "can't you eat it properly?"...

I'd say it definitely does not help. Ideally you would want your older brother to be someone to look up to. My dad died when I was 2 years old, I don't have a single memory of him - I've only seen photos. I'm 21 now and I have never had a male role model, father figure, etc. And I think that has a lot to do with my problems.

 

[Aletheia]

cry and you cry alone

Yes. My family is dysfunctional at best.... It is detrimental because we are all sinking, so we cannot help each other out or see a way out...if anything, we just keep pushing each other down.

My family, even my extended family, is riddled with depression and worse. I think I learnt some of my dysfunctional behaviour from them, especially the hiding in bed.

And I do think moods rain or shine are contagious.

 

[Kiwong]

My family are scattered all over country. Yes we are dysfucntional, but that doesn't really effect me because we all go our separate ways.

 

[EscapeArtist]

My family are scattered all over country. Yes we are dysfucntional, but that doesn't really effect me because we all go our separate ways.

Did you move away from them at any point? How did that affect you?

 

[EscapeArtist]

I know that i can be very sensitive to, and influence by, the moods of the people i'm around.

my spirits are lifted greatly when i'm with people who are happy or at peace

but when i'm with someone who is down, depressed, or anxious, i soon become the same way

Yeah, me too. I guess it's that sensitivity. I think in a way that we are lucky to be so sensitive to our surroundings because there is always a positive atmosphere to seek out and to lift us up, unlike others who are not as much affected by their surroundings. Chameleons, we are

 

[EscapeArtist]

My Dad was depressed and a bit anxious and sensitive, when I was around him I felt uncertain and unsafe. I have the same symptoms so I think we bounce off eachother and feed the monster. I'm with a very grounded, stable guy who is not easily swayed by other peoples emotions and whims. I feel like he's the stabilising element in the relationship, when you look at the dynamics. When I'm around inspiring and interesting people I feel better and happier. I definitely think it's not helpful to be around someone who is down and depressed, and/or anxious, especially if the person is already affected by the same symptoms. If you are living with them I suggest to always have outside links to people who are the opposite and to people who can lift your mood.

Very good suggestion thank you. I'm happy to hear that you're in a relationship with a person like that, it must be so helpful compared to being with your family.

 

[EscapeArtist]

Yes. My family is dysfunctional at best...abusive at its worst. We all have something. It is detrimental because we are all sinking, so we cannot help each other out or see a way out...if anything, we just keep pushing each other down.



:: I know what you mean. When I am away from home I always feel so much better. I hate this house so much. Which brings us to this:



I will be testing that theory out soon. For a long time I have believed that this house is a major obstacle in my recovery. I literally will have to break free to get better. I hope that is the case. Or else, I am all out of ideas!

Wow please let me know how it goes!! I think moving out can become a great opportunity for us! I think though that it is important to connect yourself socially before moving out, so that we don't feel socially detached all of a sudden. Just having 1 friend or something, or even just participating actively in a forum like this. Anyways, I say go for it! Get outta there. Worst case scenario, if things get worse, you can probably move back in. Have you ever had a time when you are away from your family for an extended period of time? How did it feel?

 

[EscapeArtist]

I live with my mother too. She has depression and generalized anxiety (I'd say anyway, her social anxiety is fairly mild compared to me). I mean, she can actually function better than me in social situations. I always awkward and nervous, rarely saying a word. Other than that, I don't think it's help much, overall. She can be pretty cold and distant sometimes, which makes it difficult to talk about my anxiety issues. My mum thinks my anxiety and depression issues were probably "inherited" from her. Other times she doesn't take my problems seriously.

So, it can be frustrating at times, to say the least.

My mom's like that too, she's actually a really good socializer. It somehow feels like it sets me up for codependency and shame more because she is 'so much better' at it than I. Do you ever consider moving out? Or does the situation not affect you that much?

 

[EscapeArtist]

Re: cry and you cry alone

My family, even my extended family, is riddled with depression and worse. I think I learnt some of my dysfunctional behaviour from them, especially the hiding in bed.

And I do think moods rain or shine are contagious.

Do you live with them?

 

[EscapeArtist]

I live with my boyfriend. He has SA and general anxiety, just like I do. At first we had a hard time with it, when one of us was having an anxiety flare up, the other would too. We had to learn not to feed into that and stand strong for each other. It wasn't easy, but we're much better about it now.

That's a really interesting situation, must involve a lot of understanding on both sides. Do you guys both work towards getting better together? That would be so cool

 

[EscapeArtist]

I think my brother has a similar kind of social anxiety to me, but I think in a lot of ways it is actually worse. Also, he has other habits like it's quite distressing for example when he is eating something like a single toffee sweet he will put in his mouth and take it out again after chewing it a bit, eats dinner with his fingers (not all the way, only when there's not much left), kind of like a child really. At most I'll only say to him "can't you eat it properly?"...

I'd say it definitely does not help. Ideally you would want your older brother to be someone to look up to. My dad died when I was 2 years old, I don't have a single memory of him - I've only seen photos. I'm 21 now and I have never had a male role model, father figure, etc. And I think that has a lot to do with my problems.

I'm sorry to hear that, not having a male role model can definitely mess with a lot of things. I had a father but he was never close to me, he didn't talk to me but he was extremely critical of how I was and would put me down. He decided to start another family in another country and honestly I'm just happy that he's gone and wants nothing to do with me. I think that finding people to fill that male-role-model gap is important... Even if i's just some singer, some author, anybody who you feel like you trust the opinions of even if they don't know you directly. I know a lot of us are athiests, but finding a higher power also helps feel like you have something guiding you and taking care of you. Just believing in something small, like karma, nature, god, buddha, "spiritual" or just the relationship of mankind as brothers and sisters, whatever it may be, it can make a person feel eternally cared for and part of an eternal family.

Also you can choose to empower yourself and bring out that side of you that is strong, warrior-like, a leader. That can make you feel cared for from a father figure within yourself. What really helps me to feel empowered and connected to this part of myself is running. I feel like if we treat ourselves like we had wished to be treated by others, it will feel just the same as having had those others act as we wished

 

[Kiwong]

Did you move away from them at any point? How did that affect you?

When my sister and brother moved out I found my life at home much more peaceful. My brother and sister had a volatile relationship at home. When they fought I'd hide in my room. My brother went through an angry phase before he moved out, and I'd hide in my room to avoid that too.

I always got along with my parents, they were my safe place. Mum died when I was 25 of breast cancer. I lived with Dad until I was 30. I studied mature age that was first taste of living away from home and socially I didn't cope well with it. I studied hard and did well but I was a failure socially. I'd retreat home to dad in vacations and feel at peace.

I moved right away from dad to the north coast, which was the worst decision I ever made. I felt unwelcomed from the first day I started work, and I spent 4 years escaping back to Dad at Christmas time. I became more and more socially isolated. I think I started to feel really depressed when a restructure moved the office to a nearby town that I have never embraced.

I went through a real hell from about 2000 to 2007. Years spent having panic attacks, my anxiety and depression getting worse and finally suffering from severe knee pain.

My father died last year, so I finally don't have even a part of home to turn to anymore. In the end moving from my home and family did not work very well at all for me.

I have recovered this last few years. And I feel much better about things. I started running in June 2008, and this has started a hugely positive change in me.

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

Wow please let me know how it goes!! I think moving out can become a great opportunity for us! I think though that it is important to connect yourself socially before moving out, so that we don't feel socially detached all of a sudden. Just having 1 friend or something, or even just participating actively in a forum like this. Anyways, I say go for it! Get outta there.

I will be moving in with my boyfriend so that will help a lot! We have been in a long distance relationship for a couple years, so to finally be with him in the same city will be so wonderful. I am very attached to my family though. And I know I will miss them so much. I have been having second thoughts too...but I just have to do it. One step at a time right? I should really start packing...ahhh.

Worst case scenario, if things get worse, you can probably move back in. Have you ever had a time when you are away from your family for an extended period of time? How did it feel?

True. Though my mother makes it seem like that would be the equivalent of the world ending....me moving back home :: Ah, my mother is such a silly person and cares too much what the neighbors will think. Anyway, I have always lived here. Even commuted to college. So, moving out is a very scary prospect indeed. But also one I have never tried, so it truly will be a life changing experience and one I desperately need to get me out of this rut. That is what I am hoping.