Do you latch onto people who are kind to you?

[invisigal]

OK...I am a complete idiot when it comes to social situations. Recently I startedgoing to a class at a local college. One guy in particular has been very nice to me. So, since I am very uncomfortable trying to make friends with others in attendance, I think I'm clinging to this guy too much...too many texts, "likes" on FB, always sit by him, telling him too much about myself. now he's pulling away, and who could blame him, he probably thinks I'm a psycho. So I think I'm in love with him now...I'm married w kids and so is he. I get jealous when he gets attention from other females. (He has shown no interest in that manner, nor have I told him my feelings.)

I need to quit the class, don't I? Why do I self-sabotage?

invisigal

 

[Helmaninquiel]

I've actually been having the same kind of problem, well I did, I lost the person lol I was like that with my best friend for couple of years, constantly texting, phoning, sharing my problems, just all in all really clinging. and it didn't end well so yeah you should probably stop.. Just keep in to a minimum, if you really like the person try and keep him in your life but at a safe distance for the both of you cause if you don't you'll probably lose him.

Unless he likes it but that doesn't seem to be the case.

 

[jryden]

I do latch on to anyone who is nice to me and talks to me. I stop myself before it gets worse. Before they leave because I do feel like I am bothering them.

In my opinion, it depends on how important the class is. You could leave and retake it or just not sit next to him. Dont interact with him.

 

[mikebird]

Today's second consultancy in Audiology was appreciated, and last month

I just want one thing in life: people who will listen to me , SHUT UP and pay attention

Most walk away and ignore - that's ALL family, and any thin link to hardly existent friends.

I came up with a completely new thought about myself; I am boring. Nobody wants to know. Unsure how to cure myself

I've had clingers, at earlier stages of life. I find it easier to ignore others. I like a chat if it ever happens, but I know my social status means that nothing will ever last

Professionals are the only people who listen to me.

 

[Hellhound]

It's the other way round for me. I am usually nice to someone, and said someone might get way too clingy with me. I've had this happening countless times. They get too attached to me to the point of following me everywhere, expect me to fix their problems, message me constantly, suffocate me with attention. Everytime I asked them politely to please stop, they'd get aggressive as if I have done something terrible.

I like making friends, but not having my personal space invaded like that. When someone gets too invasive, I start walking away from them. Most of these people didn't want to back off, though. They persisted until I had to rage at them to leave me alone.

I have some advice for you, people. If you truly value someone, respect their space. If you suffocate them, you might lose them.

 

[MNM322]

Yep I can be like this. I was but I honestly thought I was good about respect/space. As I HATED starting chats and would apologizing for bothering him if I did. He would always say "no worries" so I figured it was ok. I was too stupid to realize I was annoying him and he got upset with me and we haven't really talked since. Now all I can do is try to figure out where I went wrong to prevent this stupidity on my part in the future

 

[Opaline]

No, I don't think so. I have had isolated incidents where I've been a bit too clingy, but generally I don't think I am. If someone is nice to me I appreciate it, but I don't view them as my savior or anything.

I've had people act clingy towards me a few times. One guy just would NOT take the hint to back off. I think it had more to do with him being attracted to me, though, rather than me just being nice. ...yeah, it definitely was that And I guess the fact that I was nice made it easier for him to become attached, argh. If I was a total bitch he probably wouldn't have been clingy. But I don't want to be a bitch, so that's the price I have to pay sometimes I suppose

 

[invisigal]

Thanks for your replies. I think I will go to the and purposely sit further away, and I'll have to make an effort to talk with others. Then if he comes by me, I'll know he doesn't think I'm a nut job. I hope there's someone nice to talk to. How the hell do you strike up a conversation anyway? When you don't yet know what you have in common?

 

[ForeverTheWeirdKid]

To a certain extent. I'm good for giving friends space.

 

[OceanMist]

This can be tricky because being friends with someone and maintaining that friendship requires showing interest in the other person. I guess you have to have a gut feeling telling you when so much interest is too much interest. There is a line, so to speak.

I'd just back off and give him space to prove that you aren't a psycho.

Btw, the reason he's pulling away is probably because he's married. I mean he doesn't want to be always talking with a woman that's not his wife. That's practically cheating.

 

[MNM322]

Its hard to tell when someone is "just being nice" and wants to be your friend...

 

[Hellhound]

I mean he doesn't want to be always talking with a woman that's not his wife. That's practically cheating.

Allow me to disagree there.

If he was dating her behind his wife's back then THAT would be cheating. He's merely friends with the OP, there's nothing wrong with having a close friend of the opposite sex and spending time with them.

If you had a mate and she would throw a fit an accuse you of cheating only because you have a female friend, it means she's probably very insecure and you shouldn't bother to be with her on the first place. One of the most important aspects in a relationship is trust. If there's no trust, the relationship is going to have a lot of trouble.

That's just my two cents.

 

[Hellhound]

Its hard to tell when someone is "just being nice" and wants to be your friend...

Indeed. But crazies with bad intentions unmask themselves easily after some time

 

[OceanMist]

Allow me to disagree there.

If he was dating her behind his wife's back then THAT would be cheating. He's merely friends with the OP, there's nothing wrong with having a close friend of the opposite sex and spending time with them.

If you had a mate and she would throw a fit an accuse you of cheating only because you have a female friend, it means she's probably very insecure and you shouldn't bother to be with her on the first place. One of the most important aspects in a relationship is trust. If there's no trust, the relationship is going to have a lot of trouble.

That's just my two cents.

The OP is talking about showing too much interest in that guy, a love interest. That's what I was talking about.

Of course it's okay to be friends with the opposite sex while married. There is a difference between being a friend and being obsessed, though.

It seems you always misunderstand my posts. It's kind of irritating when you always disagree with me and you don't understand what I'm saying.

The theme of this thread is latching onto people, not just being friends with people.

I'm starting to wonder if this is some continuation of your false accusations of calling me a mysoginist. I'm kind of sick of it. Just saying.

 

[Hellhound]

The OP is talking about showing too much interest in that guy, a love interest. That's what I was talking about.

Of course it's okay to be friends with the opposite sex while married. There is a difference between being a friend and being obsessed, though.

It seems you always misunderstand my posts. It's kind of irritating when you always disagree with me and you don't understand what I'm saying.

The theme of this thread is latching onto people, not just being friends with people.

I'm starting to wonder if this is some continuation of your false accusations of calling me a mysoginist. I'm kind of sick of it. Just saying.

I just misunderstood your post, no need to get all defensive on me

 

[laure15]

Yes, I do that when someone is kind to me. I can "cling" to that person so much that he/she gets sick of me. But sometimes, I'm desperate for someone to talk to, someone to who can listen to me rant and rave, so I tend to rely too much on people who are nice.

 

[MNM322]

I guess I'd have to ask, how is one defined really as needy/clingy? I mean... if you don't talk for weeks and give them space, thats good right??

 

[megalon]

Yeah I do have a tendency to be clingy sometimes. When I realize it though, I usually proceed to go too far in the opposite direction. I will suddenly and without warning break all communication and totally ignore them. One reason why I have such problems forming lasting relationships I suppose. I'm constantly swinging back and forth between being too close and too distant.

 

[Hellhound]

I guess I'd have to ask, how is one defined really as needy/clingy? I mean... if you don't talk for weeks and give them space, thats good right??

Weeks would be too much Let's say... don't message them like ten times a day and you'll be fine. (Yes, I've had that happening)

 

[HiddenErin]

I usually find myself on the other end of this issue. I genuinely try to be nice to people all the time, especially if it looks like they need help or just a kind word. For example, I was buying a coffee the other day and the guy over the counter looked soo tired and sad, so I made a joke about tips, smiled and said thank you. As a result he ran up to me as I was getting into my car and asked me out to dinner. Just so uncomfortably awkward. I think the problem is that even the smallest gestures of kindness in our society are so rare nowadays comparing to hostile or indifferent people that sometimes it might come off as more than it actually is.