Do you forgive easily?

[KiaKaha]

Just had a couple of questions about forgiveness - and am wondering, do you forgive easily?

But more interestingly is - how well do you have to know someone before you forgive them? And how badly does one have to behave, depending on how well you know them, before you will NOT forgive them?

If that makes sense.

Basically I am trying to understand the correlation between how well people have to know another person before they can be forgiven, dependent on what their wrong doing is.

Stranger dont seem to forgive one another easily - and mostly see it as a character flaw.

People who know each other - may forgive more because they know more about them and can understand them better.

Anyway - I am pretty sure there is a question in there somewhere. Your thoughts?

 

[Hellhound]

That really depends on what they did to me. I am usually forgiving if it's just a small argument or a normal fight between friends. I am unforgiving only when the other person is abusive.

I can tolerate a character flaw as long as it doesn't make the person unbearable.

 

[Starry]

I forgive fairly easily as long as the person is genuinely sorry... If I know them better I'm actually liable to take longer to forgive them, as I generally hold people I am close with to higher standards than the general rabble...

As for unforgivable things, well, anyone who seriously hurts (emotionally or physically) someone or something who cannot defend themselves... So I will never forgive my husband's mother for the way she treated him when he was a child. I will never forgive anyone who abuses children or animals.

 

[Sacrament]

Depends on what happened. I think it's always a good idea to forgive, and mostly to forgive yourself. Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting, though. If someone did something to you when you trusted them not to, forgiving them also means you can let it flow through and out of you, and move on. Again, it doesn't mean you'll forget it, which also means you'll think twice before trusting them again.

 

[oscarwilde]

Forgiving is really difficult to me, but I managed to forgive a close relative. I guess I was able to do that because a) he's family (I believe that counts as I know him well) b) he's basically a good person, who has issues.
On other occasions, with friends even if I can forgive, it's almost impossible for me to trust them if they did something wrong to me. For ex. one of my friends stole something from me once when drunk. I didn't talk to her for two years, but then we started hanging out again, basically because I saw that she has changed. But I still am very paranoid that she's going to do it again, and that she's only using me or even plotting against me. I really can't tell sometimes. It's scary and I think I'd be better off if I didn't let her back into my life again at all, because this suspicion that lurks in the back of my mind ruins our relationship anyway.
(I don't tell her I don't trust her, because I don't trust her, and I keep counting my money. So, I can't really relax when she's around.)

 

[Labyrinthine]

It really depends on the severity of whatever was done. I'll let little things slide.
I don't trust anyone easily. While I might "forgive", my trust would be tainted with that person. It would be easier for me to forgive a stranger (still depending on the severity) since I don't trust and know them. I would know how to deal with that person from that point. A person that was closer to me would pose a bigger problem, since at that point they would have had my trust. I would have to re-evaluate that person again, and chances are high it just couldn't be the same, though I might act like it was.

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

If I don't know someone very well, then it's unlikely that they'll be able to do much to me that would bother me enough to really require forgiveness. I'd probably just think they were an a**hole, and not want to have anything further to do with them.

If it's someone I know then my ability to forgive is based on a combination the severity of their actions, and their intent.

 

[coyote]

i see forgiveness simply as putting the past to rest and moving forward - it doesn't mean absolving anyone of wrongdoing or approving of their actions

i tend to forgive fairly easily, as i tend to mainly be optimistic and forward-looking in my relations with others - what's done is done, let's stay in the present

there are a few people that i still have trouble forgiving - and again, it's mainly a problem i have with not being able to move forward, mostly because i have trouble understanding why they acted the way they did or how they felt about it. if i could get some sort of closure, i think i would be able to move on.

the person i have the hardest time forgiving is myself

 

[Foxface]

Sometimes, it depends in the situation.

 

[Sea Bass]

To put it simply, and also because I need enough words to make a post, NO.

 

[crazydragon]

Usually not, no.

 

[montejocarlo]

i forgive right after my ego has stopped its rage and as soon as my mind gains clarity. it doesn't matter how well i know the person or how badly they behave. although the question of when my ego would accept reason depends on how damaging the offense had been. the longest i remember is years - many years. the subject of hate being the person whom i hold responsible for my SA. i can't even say that i've completely forgiven. i'm still working on it. the process also takes longer depending on how many times the misdeed has been committed, which, in the case i've mentioned is more than i can remember.

 

[Chess]

I think there's a certain level of unreliability and negativity that most people will reach that's only a minor aspect of them as a person. We all do bad or inconsiderate things once in awhile and I don't think it's definitive of who we are or our mark on the world. Those kinds of things I'll try to let slide.

People who make a habit out of it or those who seriously damage others, though, I'm much less likely to forgive. If they know they hurt someone, know they hurt them deeply, and still only care about themselves, then they don't deserve forgiveness in my eyes.

 

[TailsAlone]

Yeah, I'm kind of like DJ. I forgive but I don't trust.

 

[MikeyC]

Sometimes, it depends in the situation.

Yeah, pretty much. I can forgive if it's nothing too bad. I haven't forgiven bullies at school, and I probably never will.

I also haven't forgiven my mother, but that's another story altogether.

 

[JuiceB]

I don't forgive people that easily.

 

[Luxvia]

I have been hurt countless times of the years and personally I just find naturally, I'm not a very forgiving person. I find it really difficult to forgive. I have no problem forgiving someone if they are genuinely remorseful and show regret but if I do, I am still wary of them, always having it at the back of my mind that they could turn again and to be prepared.

If the person doesn't shows any signs of remorse or I think it is false, then they haven't got a chance of getting any forgiveness from me and I will just want them out of my life for good.

 

[Luka]

If a close friend betrayed me then it would be hard to forgive and I may possibly not forgive them ever. However, I find small mistakes easy to forgive because no being is perfect, right?

I do find I forgive people easily just because I really care about the person and I don't want to lose them.