It's a back and forth thing with me. I have one very close friend, and I have days where I just don't really even want to deal with her, so I'll completely duck even her. On days like that, I'm very content to stay locked away and totally isolated. Then I have other days where I really just want someone to talk to. I feel absolutely alone on those days, and sometimes I'll even turn on the radio or television just to hear a voice. It's very difficult for me to understand this myself, so trying to explain it to anyone else is a real chore. My friend shows a great deal of patience with me and my moods, and she is a dear friend. Still, we have little surface interests in common, and while I greatly appreciate our friendship, sometimes I think it would be nice to find a few other people to debate, discuss, and share in the things I'm into. As far as romantic partners go, I've been single for nearly two years now, well mostly. Sometimes I miss all my ex-lovers, but the older I get it seems the more alone time I need, and I've recently just found it too difficult to deal with frequent break-ups because I have such a need for frequent isolation. Either they think I'm lying about my disorder so I can hide an affair, or they think I'm cold and heartless because I struggle so much with affection and intimacy. I've not totally resigned myself to dying alone yet, but I'm learning to accept that it is a possibility, if not a likelihood.