Do you ever wonder what your life would be like without SA?

WishingICould

WishingICould

Well-known member
I feel like i'm trapped and held back by having social anxiety. Sometimes i wish i wasn't here at all and it feels like i wouldn't be missed anyway. I sometimes wonder what it would be like to have a group of friends and to just go out without worrying about people looking at me or saying something stupid.

I'm 25 and i feel like life is passing me by. I just don't know why i find it so hard to connect with people. I've tried really hard to be more out-going and to smile more (i've been told i look sad way too many times). I just don't understand why certain people are popular or what makes people want to be friends with them. Surely being quiet isn't that terrible?

I was bullied quite badly at school, mainly because i was quiet and have red hair. I'm still incredibly insecure but i try my best to not be. I've been told i'm attractive, tall, slim, whatever, but i don't feel like i've changed inside. I'm incredibly lonely but at the same time i'm terrified of social situations and when i'm alone at home i cry pretty my all the time.

The only thing i feel like i've achieved is holding down a full time job and recently passing my driving test. I feel like a loser and inferior to everyone else. I can't stand it if guys come one to me because usually they're just after one thing anyway. The only guy i ever did like, and lost my virginity to, ended up screwing me over and using me for sex. I even carried on sleeping with him just to feel some kind of affection and to feel normal. I recently ended that though because i knew that it was just ruining whatever self esteem i had left.

There's girls i know who are, in my opinion, not very nice people yet they have loads of friends. I know that i'm a good person but there's obviously something about me that people don't like or i give off some kind of weird vibe because i'm not popular like them. Certain women at work have even been nasty to me and i have no idea why.

There's so many things i want to do. I want to travel, buy a car, get a better job, have a normal relationship with somebody who loves me, but none of these things seem possible anymore.
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Yeah, I do wonder what my life would be like without SA.

But why do you feel the things you want to do aren't possible anymore? It's never too late to start over. You just need to build your self-confidence and esteem back up again. I'm sure there's someone out who will love you for who you are. You certainly deserve better than to used for sex.

I mean, I can relate to feelin' like life's passing you by, too, and I'm nearly 25. As well as the school bullying, singled out for being quiet. Sorry to hear you were also singled out because you're a redhead. Though, I never understood that myself - being bullied for havin' red hair? :idontknow: We're all different in our own ways at the end of the day.

Sorry I can't really offer any advice. I'm not great when it comes to advice. Since I'm pretty much the same as yerself. Incredibly insecure and terrified of social interaction. But then I give off equally weird vibes in social situations - awkward, uncomfortable, extremely quiet. That's me! Not that there's anything wrong with being quiet, even though, I can be made to feel that way, too.

I know it can be hard to believe the compliments people tell you when you're feelin' insecure but there are true.

Sorry you feel inferior and like a loser compared to everyone else, but you shouldn't compare yerself to others. And, hey, holding down a full time job and recently passing your driving test is quite an achievement, especially since doing those things can be quite difficult for some with SA. You should be proud of that, darlin'. Well done, there. :thumbup: :applause:

And I know you might think guys are just after one thing when they come on to you, but that's not true. Not all guys are like that. But I understand why you'd be weary after a relationship where you were just used for sex. As I said before you deserve better than that.

Anyway, I hope things start gettin' better for you soon, darlin'.
hug.gif
 
Lamb

Lamb

Well-known member
WishingICould said:
I was bullied quite badly at school, mainly because i was quiet and have red hair. I'm still incredibly insecure but i try my best to not be. I've been told i'm attractive, tall, slim, whatever, but i don't feel like i've changed inside. I'm incredibly lonely but at the same time i'm terrified of social situations and when i'm alone at home i cry pretty my all the time.

The only thing i feel like i've achieved is holding down a full time job and recently passing my driving test. I feel like a loser and inferior to everyone else. I can't stand it if guys come one to me because usually they're just after one thing anyway. The only guy i ever did like, and lost my virginity to, ended up screwing me over and using me for sex. I even carried on sleeping with him just to feel some kind of affection and to feel normal. I recently ended that though because i knew that it was just ruining whatever self esteem i had left.

There's girls i know who are, in my opinion, not very nice people yet they have loads of friends. I know that i'm a good person but there's obviously something about me that people don't like or i give off some kind of weird vibe because i'm not popular like them. Certain women at work have even been nasty to me and i have no idea why.There's so many things i want to do. I want to travel, buy a car, get a better job, have a normal relationship with somebody who loves me, but none of these things seem possible anymore.
Click to expand...

It may be hard to believe, but envy, insecurity, and immaturity on their part.

To answer your question, no I don't think I've ever wondered what life would be like if I was stripped of social anxiety. I can imagine what it would be like if I was able to manage it better, but never entirely rid of it. That's how intertwined with my personality it is I guess.
 
Xervello

Xervello

Well-known member
Aloha, WIC, and welcome to the site. We're glad to have you here, though it sucks you have to be. You know, most of what you wrote I could've written about myself. I was, and still am, in the same place as you. The thing is, I believe I'm a unique person. Who just happens to have a unique problem. I don't know you, but I get the sense that you're unique, as well. Just keep trying. Simple people are easier to befriend by others because they require little effort. I bet you're someone that deserves being appreciated. In time, you'll meet those people. As I have. But it takes having to brush off one disappointment after the another. In the end though, it makes those few who DO see us, who DO hear us, all the more great. As long as you continue being seen, little by little, the right people are bound to be on your radar.

To answer your question though, no, I probably don't wish I didn't have it. Because I've used all my free time to educate myself. If I didn't withdraw from socializing and were still around the loser friends I had during high school, I probably wouldn't have discovered art, poetry, music, culture and all the things I learned during my extensive me-time. I've learned a lot about myself. Which not enough people afford themselves the opportunity to do. And I'd probably still be trying to impress people I shouldn't, wanting to be like people that don't deserve it. That said, my SA is still a huge problem. But who knows what kind of person I'd be without it. Probably a less self-aware jerk, lol.
 
I

ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
WishingICould said:
There's girls i know who are, in my opinion, not very nice people yet they have loads of friends. I know that i'm a good person but there's obviously something about me that people don't like or i give off some kind of weird vibe because i'm not popular like them. Certain women at work have even been nasty to me and i have no idea why.
Click to expand...

I know WHY! We SA sufferers think too much. We always believe it has to do with some personal and intrinsic shortcoming that we have. I can tell you why those girls are so nasty. They're Jealous! I've seen this dozens of times at the office and various work places. When other girls feel threatened by an attractive girl, they get very catty. They'll start gossiping, giving cold glances........They emotionally try to tear the girl down. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with their own insecurities.
 
WishingICould

WishingICould

Well-known member
Thank you for all your replies. It means so much to me knowing that there are others like me out there. I also suffer from OCD so i find it very hard to switch my mind off. Having SA and OCD, to me, is like living in your own personal hell sometimes. Hopefully i'll get to know some of you better.
 
I

ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
WishingICould said:
Thank you for all your replies. It means so much to me knowing that there are others like me out there. I also suffer from OCD so i find it very hard to switch my mind off. Having SA and OCD, to me, is like living in your own personal hell sometimes. Hopefully i'll get to know some of you better.
Click to expand...

You have OCD and SA.....Me too! That is a terrible combination! Feel free to message me anytime. I have beat a number of OCD issues. Hopefully, I can help you with some of yours.
 
U

ukmale

Well-known member
Hello everyone

what a great question, we can't truly know but we can all imagine/dream/wish

if I never had SA .... My life would be

I would have left school at 16 (uk) went to college (not university) for 2yrs to study the French language I then would have enjoyed myself for a bit gone on lads holiday to Spain even maybe a working holiday in australia then would have joined up for 5years in the french foreign legion to see the world be part of the best then would have gone on to australia to join there army and as I get older I would see myself opening up a bar/club in australia enjoying life going out in the bush for camping holidays seeing the wildlife enjoy living not to far from the beach bbq with friends meeting that special someone in life to settle down with to share life with to walk hand in hand alone the beach as sun starts to set .cuddling up on the sofa being totally gobsmacked how lucky I am to have someone that special in my life


but sadly having SA its not like that


Thank you for reading
Ukmale
 
U

ukmale

Well-known member
Wow sorry to hear your both suffering from SA and OCD .. I don't think I could cope myself with to much SA is bad enough for me on its own

Much love
Ukmale
 
BlueDays

BlueDays

1
Yes, I do this everyday.

It's kind of feels like I am a bird looking out of it's small birdcage. Looking out at the vast room, with a desperate yearning to be able to escape out of it's cage and fly around.

Add to this, seeing other birds flying around the room while you are locked in your cage. Then it is hard to not just stop eating and die.
 
WishingICould

WishingICould

Well-known member
BlueDays said:
Yes, I do this everyday.

It's kind of feels like I am a bird looking out of it's small birdcage. Looking out at the vast room, with a desperate yearning to be able to escape out of it's cage and fly around.

Add to this, seeing other birds flying around the room while you are locked in your cage. Then it is hard to not just stop eating and die.
Click to expand...

Exactly. :kickingmyself:
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top