Do you compare?

[A Many Splendored Thing]

I want to know if you compare your life with other 'more popular' people. I consider the popular ones to have quantity friendships instead of quality friendships, because we, as mortal beings, can only handle so much. You can be friends with someone you just met, but it doesn't mean you're good friends.

I have found comparing leads me to think I'm somehow a broken human being. This is probably the reason I had depression in the first place.

I have always liked being alone. Friends caused me extreme stress; probably because I didn't want to ever offend them and lose them.

I would consider myself as having no friends at this point in time.

If I went back in time to when I compared myself to others, I would think I was a complete loser. As I look at it now, I may be able to gain friendships if I show appreciation for the people in my life. I know I will be afraid to talk to them about what I think, but what good person would attack you for showing you care? If they shun me, should I care what they think? I used to care, but that leads me down a terrible path of self destruction.

My thoughts are just pouring out on life right now. Sorry for me going on and on.

Back to the subject. Do you compare yourself to others' lives/relationships?

 

[Silatuyok]

I certainly do have a tendency to compare myself and my life to others'. But, it's something that I work hard to change, and having done so to a certain degree I feel much better about myself, and much more content in my own life. It has also helped me to accept other people's lives as valid, even if their lifestyle is the complete opposite of mine. I don't look down on anyone else for wanting to go out and party every weekend; as far as I'm concerned we are all just passing the time in the best way that we know how.

 

[A Many Splendored Thing]

I certainly do have a tendency to compare myself and my life to others'. But, it's something that I work hard to change, and having done so to a certain degree I feel much better about myself, and much more content in my own life. It has also helped me to accept other people's lives as valid, even if their lifestyle is the complete opposite of mine. I don't look down on anyone else for wanting to go out and party every weekend; as far as I'm concerned we are all just passing the time in the best way that we know how.

Having read many of your comments, I would say that name fits you well.::

I find life to be pointless in a way. It's hard to accept a religion when I see people suffer every day. Somehow, a random event occurring to create us seems impossible, yet I can't accept a 'perfect' being creating us and letting us suffer through its 'master plan'.

We just have to find our way of living that suits us. When we accept we are different, that is when we can find who we are.

 

[Aletheia]

I have found comparing leads me to think I'm somehow a broken human being. This is probably the reason I had depression in the first place.

This.

as far as I'm concerned we are all just passing the time in the best way that we know how.

When we accept we are different, that is when we can find who we are.

This this this this.

 

[Blannabers]

I am the patron saint of comparing myself! Because of this nasty habit, I managed to completely feel like I've been destroyed. I have compared myself to people tha-... ugh... i can't even begin to say how much I've compared myself. It helps me to want to be better, but when I try to get the things I want, it flops and I feel like "what's wrong with you? It's easy! You're that stupid?!" I can't even be friends with myself because of it!

 

[A Many Splendored Thing]

I am the patron saint of comparing myself! Because of this nasty habit, I managed to completely feel like I've been destroyed. I have compared myself to people tha-... ugh... i can't even begin to say how much I've compared myself. It helps me to want to be better, but when I try to get the things I want, it flops and I feel like "what's wrong with you? It's easy! You're that stupid?!" I can't even be friends with myself because of it!

You want to be better at attaining what you want through communication or something else?

People have different skills. Some people are great communicators/manipulators that don't know how to add 2+2(They get someone to do it for them!).

Stupidity is relative to the person you ask. I bet you are actually very smart at certain tasks, but lack in other categories. It's how we use what we're good at to get what we want. Being good in communication does help when trying to get what you want from people though..::

 

[Kiwong]

No I don't. I am increasingly more comfortable with my life.

 

[A Many Splendored Thing]

Too often when we compare ouselves to others we make the wrong assumption that they are much better people than we are, which ain't necessarily so

So true... When I have short spurts of happiness like I am having now, I see that I am not so bad.

I don't know what's wrong with me though... I am slightly regretting the other thread I had made when I'm like this...even though that is how I felt just yesterday... 2 months of straight depression without any real happiness gets to me. It's been happening like this for years, but I want to change my mindset right here and now.

No I don't. I am increasingly more comfortable with my life.

I am glad that you are happy with who you are.

 

[MikeyC]

I certainly do have a tendency to compare myself and my life to others'. But, it's something that I work hard to change, and having done so to a certain degree I feel much better about myself, and much more content in my own life. It has also helped me to accept other people's lives as valid, even if their lifestyle is the complete opposite of mine. I don't look down on anyone else for wanting to go out and party every weekend; as far as I'm concerned we are all just passing the time in the best way that we know how.

This is a wonderful post and everyone should read it.

Too often when we compare ouselves to others we make the wrong assumption that they are much better people than we are, which ain't necessarily so

I can see where you're coming from, but I am comparing myself to my best friend all the time. All. The. Time. The way I see it is that he has a more successful life than I do.

I'm not trying to be down on myself (even though that's my default setting), but that's just the way it is. He gets more women, he's better looking, he's got a better body, he has a better job, he has more money, he has a bigger circle of friends, he has no mental issues, he has more hobbies, he's fitter than I am, he has his own apartment and a better car, he has a more positive outlook on life in general. Every time I compare myself to him it makes me upset and sometimes I wonder why we're friends.

But the kicker is that I think he knows he's better than me, and maybe that's why he enjoys hanging out with me. He feels superior and better about himself. He will sometimes joke about something he's better at (for example our different bodies) and I think he does it to reassure himself that he's got me beat.

I try not to care about it one way or another, but every now and again it does bother me. When I'm depressed and thinking about how happy he is with life and living, I can't help but feel a stab of jealousy and wonder where it all went wrong for me. I will admit that his upbringing was a LOT better than mine, and mine wasn't necessarily detrimental, so the confidence he got from that has helped shape the way he is today. It sounds like I'm making excuses for why I am a bit of a failure, but that's simply the way it is.

I have a feeling that, because he's so care-free and happy, he doesn't really understand what I'm going through with depression. I've tried to talk to him about it a couple of times recently but I think that he thinks it's more of a joke - another way I believe he thinks he's better than me. I also think he thinks it's something I can easily rid myself of with one night of sex or having a nice meal or "just get over it."

Um, I've rambled a bit now, but the main point is that if I compare myself to him, I have definitely drawn a smaller straw in life.

 

[Overload]

I incessantly compare myself to others, with them always "higher up." It gets to the point where I feel worthless. Once in a while I'm able to break this chain of thought and realize that if I were looking at myself through their eyes, I wouldn't come to the same conclusion.

 

[A Many Splendored Thing]

I can see where you're coming from, but I am comparing myself to my best friend all the time. All. The. Time. The way I see it is that he has a more successful life than I do.

I'm not trying to be down on myself (even though that's my default setting), but that's just the way it is. He gets more women, he's better looking, he's got a better body, he has a better job, he has more money, he has a bigger circle of friends, he has no mental issues, he has more hobbies, he's fitter than I am, he has his own apartment and a better car, he has a more positive outlook on life in general. Every time I compare myself to him it makes me upset and sometimes I wonder why we're friends.

But the kicker is that I think he knows he's better than me, and maybe that's why he enjoys hanging out with me. He feels superior and better about himself. He will sometimes joke about something he's better at (for example our different bodies) and I think he does it to reassure himself that he's got me beat.

I try not to care about it one way or another, but every now and again it does bother me. When I'm depressed and thinking about how happy he is with life and living, I can't help but feel a stab of jealousy and wonder where it all went wrong for me. I will admit that his upbringing was a LOT better than mine, and mine wasn't necessarily detrimental, so the confidence he got from that has helped shape the way he is today. It sounds like I'm making excuses for why I am a bit of a failure, but that's simply the way it is.

I have a feeling that, because he's so care-free and happy, he doesn't really understand what I'm going through with depression. I've tried to talk to him about it a couple of times recently but I think that he thinks it's more of a joke - another way I believe he thinks he's better than me. I also think he thinks it's something I can easily rid myself of with one night of sex or having a nice meal or "just get over it."

Um, I've rambled a bit now, but the main point is that if I compare myself to him, I have definitely drawn a smaller straw in life.

Wow... You described the friend I had right on the dot. He's going to college in San Diego, has muscles, has many friends, a pretty girlfriend... He acts like he's the best thing since sliced bread, and flaunts what he has in a way; in fact, showing off his body was one of them.

I can't shake a feeling I got from him one time though. We were talking about depression...I had already been depressed for quite awhile. He didn't know. Out of some emotion, I asked him "Do you know what it's like?" in a dramatic way. He answered back "Do I know what it's like?" in a shocked way. For a moment, he seemed to give off a vibe; it's like I found a crack in his armor. To this day, I wish I had kept going, but he had changed the subject and I was not assertive enough to push. I want to know why he seemed to change so much from how I knew him before.

Maybe your friend tries to justify his existence by being better than others? I am not quite sure, but mine had seemed so much better than me until that day. Could they be just as depressed as us? Could your friend seem to take it as a joke, because he doesn't want to show how he truly feels?

 

[MikeyC]

Wow... You described the friend I had right on the dot. He's going to college in San Diego, has muscles, has many friends, a pretty girlfriend... He acts like he's the best thing since sliced bread, and flaunts what he has in a way; in fact, showing off his body was one of them.

I can't shake a feeling I got from him one time though. We were talking about depression...I had already been depressed for quite awhile. He didn't know. Out of some emotion, I asked him "Do you know what it's like?" in a dramatic way. He answered back "Do I know what it's like?" in a shocked way. For a moment, he seemed to give off a vibe; it's like I found a crack in his armor. To this day, I wish I had kept going, but he had changed the subject and I was not assertive enough to push. I want to know why he seemed to change so much from how I knew him before.

Maybe your friend tries to justify his existence by being better than others? I am not quite sure, but mine had seemed so much better than me until that day. Could they be just as depressed as us? Could your friend seem to take it as a joke, because he doesn't want to show how he truly feels?

First of all, thanks for reading all that. It got long and rambled.

Seems like you and I share similar types of friends. While your friend likes to flaunt his body, my friend doesn't, but he knows and likes to tell us that he's got abs now.

You definitely should've pushed. You found one weakness, it seems, and it could've been something the two of you may have talked about and gotten some true emotions in the air. Maybe he didn't ever feel depressed, but now you'll never know.

My mate is not depressed, and I don't think he ever has. He has told me he's felt "down" before, but he's never used the word "depressed" to explain his feelings. At the age of 29 I believe he is peaking...he is as happy and jovial about living as I've ever seen him to be. I think he takes it as a joke because it's a heavy subject and he doesn't know how to handle it simply because he never experienced it. I don't know about your friend, though...maybe he was. It's hard to say.

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

Back to the subject. Do you compare yourself to others' lives/relationships?

Yeah, I do. There is always someone that has something I want and don't have. But most of the time I compare my life to how I would like my life to be...my dream life. I don't want anyone else's life or to be someone else... I just want to be me, the best me...and live that life I want and can have...if I just gave myself that chance...

It has also helped me to accept other people's lives as valid, even if their lifestyle is the complete opposite of mine. I don't look down on anyone else for wanting to go out and party every weekend; as far as I'm concerned we are all just passing the time in the best way that we know how.

I really like this. I do feel that once we accept others for who they are, we can accept ourselves too. I often find I am so hard on others and it only makes me harder on myself.

 

[A Many Splendored Thing]

First of all, thanks for reading all that. It got long and rambled.

Seems like you and I share similar types of friends. While your friend likes to flaunt his body, my friend doesn't, but he knows and likes to tell us that he's got abs now.

You definitely should've pushed. You found one weakness, it seems, and it could've been something the two of you may have talked about and gotten some true emotions in the air. Maybe he didn't ever feel depressed, but now you'll never know.

My mate is not depressed, and I don't think he ever has. He has told me he's felt "down" before, but he's never used the word "depressed" to explain his feelings. At the age of 29 I believe he is peaking...he is as happy and jovial about living as I've ever seen him to be. I think he takes it as a joke because it's a heavy subject and he doesn't know how to handle it simply because he never experienced it. I don't know about your friend, though...maybe he was. It's hard to say.

I reread my posts on here and some of them seem like I word them so badly. If he has never felt that bad, he might not want to say anything that could hurt you. I feel like I could jab someone without even knowing it; what could he say about a subject he has never truly experienced?

Yeah, I do. There is always someone that has something I want and don't have. But most of the time I compare my life to how I would like my life to be...my dream life. I don't want anyone else's life or to be someone else... I just want to be me, the best me...and live that life I want and can have...if I just gave myself that chance...

I really like this. I do feel that once we accept others for who they are, we can accept ourselves too. I often find I am so hard on others and it only makes me harder on myself.

I like that you are pursuing your own dreams and not somebody else's life.

Humans being imperfect is such a beach sometimes, but perfection in itself is imperfect. Could we be happy if we never had to work at anything? Achieving the dream is only as rewarding as the work put into it.

I mean... Being proud of having muscles is due to the fact that you have to work at it. If you just had them, would it be such an accomplishment?

I have lived through depression for over four years. Right now as I am not so bad, I feel a little proud that I have come out alive after what I have felt. I am hoping to become a better person because of what I have been through. I have come upon this forum as I began looking for help; I think of depression as a blessing in disguise.

 

[MikeyC]

I reread my posts on here and some of them seem like I word them so badly. If he has never felt that bad, he might not want to say anything that could hurt you. I feel like I could jab someone without even knowing it; what could he say about a subject he has never truly experienced?

Well, he doesn't know very much about it at all, but I think he is curious. I saw him just now and he asked me about therapy and how it's going (I went in today). He seems like he tries to be supportive but he's not too sure how to go about it.

 

[Illusions]

There always will be someone who is more popular/has more friends/is more good-looking/appears to have a better life than you etc. That said, I know it's irrational but I always compare. I know it's not healthy so I'm trying to avoid doing it.

 

[Mr.Prez]

I'm always wishing I was a good as others around me, but the more I know about them, I find out that their life isn't that much greater than mine

 

[polishgirl]

I compare myself with EVERYONE. really, everyone. Doesn't help at all, always makes me feel worse. I mean, it's just I feel like I have to be perfect at whatever I do. And when somebody is better than me, that means something is wrong with me. I know nobody is perfect. But I can't change the way I function.

I compare myself especially to the people that were given the same circumstances as I was. For example, my friends trains tennis twice a week. I train three times a week. She's better than me. Makes me go nuts.

 

[Caramel]

I totally agree with you. Quality of friendship is more important than the quantity of friendship.

 

[theslowesthand]

Friends caused me extreme stress; probably because I didn't want to ever offend them and lose them

Which is why i don't make new friends easily

If they shun me, should I care what they think? I used to care, but that leads me down a terrible path of self destruction

The problem with SA'ers is that we "care" too much