Do I have SA/AvPD or shyness?

[LucidPanda]

I try my best to identify my behaviour so I can see where I'm acting irrational etc. Having a little difficulty figuring out whether I have SA/AvPD or just general shyness. Hopefully people can help me out?

I have this odd pattern of behaviour which occurs quite often, because of this I don't have any close friends.

Stage 1
I meet new friends and I can have conversations with them.

Stage 2
I'm not very good at chatting, after a while I run out of things to say.

Stage 3
Silence kicks in even though we're good friends. I feel like I've disappointed friends but end up dropping into a worse phase of silence.

Stage 4
I want to be around friends but at the same time I just want to hide from the situation since chances are I won't have anything interesting to say.

Stage 5
Others tell me that I'm not open enough. I think to myself... it's not that I don't want to open up, it's that I don't know how to. And if there's anything else...

 

[lyricalliaisons]

It sounds like you have extreme shyness or maybe even mild SA. It's definitely not AVpD, though.

 

[LucidPanda]

Hm. Mild SA - It's odd since I identified much more with parts of the AvPD description than the SA one. Extreme shyness certainly sounds like something.

 

[madmike]

Yeah, i can relate to that. Maybe we're just very boring people :/ But you must have mild SA as well, because i know plenty of boring people who don't care about it and love being around people and stuff.

I've been told to keep a diary, so every day you write down some of the interesting things that happen in your day. I've noticed it helps me then formulate a coherent story in front of people, thus making me more likely to mention it. Try this, it might help you open up a little

 

[madmike]

Oh yeah, but with me it's more like... I'm alright at meeting new people usually, and forming relationships at first... but as soon as they're in the friend zone i feel the pressure on me and it then makes me really scared to meet them again (so more of a full blown SA with me)

I've noticed as well that people really don't enjoy silences. Like... when you don't talk for a while, they immediately seem to wonder if there's something wrong with you (?!) that really does it for me... because then i feel like i have to say something just to prove to them that i'm really OK, lol... but then i really can't think of anything to say and just blank out worrying what they're thinking!!

 

[LucidPanda]

You've captured my problem exactly mike!

I definitely feel the pressure. However I don't mind meeting them after a period of time since it's easy to do catch up talk, as if you were meeting a new person. My friends definitely pick up on the fact that I go all quiet of a sudden and then wonder if something's wrong. But that's the truth isn't it?

Something is wrong... even if we try to hide it.

 

[Kamen]

You are an introvert with mild SA, I think.
I have an old friend whom I am always comfortable with, we can be silent for quite a long time.

 

[bitingthepea]

Same

Hey
yeah same thats like reading my own writing

I love to meet new people because i can think of a few things to ask and say to them, but im always scared of a 2nd meeting because i go quiet and dont no what to say......... then they probably think i dont like them, but i like being around friends

I wish i talked more and had more perosnality

 

[LucidPanda]

I love to meet new people because i can think of a few things to ask and say to them, but im always scared of a 2nd meeting because i go quiet and dont no what to say......... then they probably think i dont like them, but i like being around friends

It's rather annoying. A mentor once told me that I gave off the impression that I prefered my own space and didn't really want to be bothered. That's exactly the opposite of how I feel =.=

I wish i talked more and had more perosnality

Often thought this. You think it's true that we need to build more personality?