Disowned (Another Mother thread)

[Emma]

I applied for a working holiday visa a few months ago to go and be with Josh, and I was really looking forward to it, I can't wait to see him again...but my Mum hates the idea, she always says I'm too shy, I'll never find a job over there, it won't last, I act retarded, I'll embarrass him etc...which I can cope with, she's done it my whole life and it's nothing new to me.

But now she's telling me I can never ever come back once I go, she said don't ever think you'll be welcome here again and that I'm selfish, and that I can get out of her life.

I'm going to do what I want and go be with Josh, it's my life after all, but what happens to me if it doesn't work out, I'll be alone, I'll have no-one else but him, and when he's gone how will I cope on my own, and when my visa expires I'll have to come back here and stay in some strange place on my own while I wait for a new one.

Has anyone else been disowned, how did you survive on your own?

I can't believe she could be so mean, I knew she was a bitch, but she's hit a new low, everytime she looks at me she gives me this nasty look and says what a bitch I am.

How am I supposed to survive on my own?

 

[Nack]

First of all, I feel like i'm missing out on a lot of information here? (Did you recently post a thread relating to this, so in a sense this is "part 2"?) I don't know who this "Josh" is... But to answer your question. Being disowned by ones parent can be an awful feeling, to be specific... abandoned, disappointment, etc.

I can't quite answer the last question, because i'm wondering about that too...

 

[Krista]

That is completely awful. Do you not have any other family you could go to because it sounds like she doesn't deserve to have your wonderful presence around anyways and you do NOT deserve to be treated like that.

I guess you could say I was disowned by my mom and I spent a couple weeks with a foster family, she was just as much of a b**ch as your mom is but my grandma adopted me and I've been living with her since. I would suggest trying to talk and reason with her calmly about how you feel and your situation but I don't know if that would work out. I'll certainly pray for you though.

 

[PunkRotten]

Your mom sounds like a manipulator, and she wants to keep you under her control. At the same time she uses you to vent all her insecurities and anger towards. Not a very good person to be around. In my opinion, you need to be able to get away from her, but making this big leap right now I dont know if its the best thing or the right time for you to do it. But I will say that ultimately you need to seperate from her , this is for your own good.

 

[emmasma]

Your mom sounds like a manipulator, and she wants to keep you under her control.

I agree entirely. Go be with Josh.

I have not read your other posts and do not know how old you are, but I have figured out that in life we do what we need to. Some of the worst things in my life have really helped me cope with my social issues. Once I got out on my own I had to work and deal with creditors and make my own appointments and so much more. These are all things that I could not do before, but I can now, even if I do not have friends. I am close to my mom though. I am so sorry about your mom that sounds awful!

I think you should just go and hope she comes around later. People say things sometimes that they do not mean when they are mad or trying to get their way.

Where are you going to? It could also be scary if you are going to a whole new place in the world, but it could help to because some people my give you a break for being different. That is how I feel when I visit my husbands family in Guatemala.

 

[LadyWench]

Your mom sounds like a manipulator, and she wants to keep you under her control.

Definitely. My mother is the same way. She's in denial about it, but I fully believe that she's got borderline personality disorder. I have a book that a previous therapist gave me, about borderline mothers. She fits the description so perfectly, it's scary. I don't want to make this a mile-long post, but I just want to say that I can understand where you are coming from. You suffer from a mental handicap, and your mother isn't supportive of it at all.

Me and my boyfriend Chris live with my mom. We really don't have anywhere else to go right now. When we were looking into apartments a couple of months ago, she found out and was furious. She said that I was a backstabbing bitch and that I've betrayed her. She's unemployed and the only one working in our household right now is Chris. I'm looking for a job, but I'm sure you can understand how difficult that is with all of these mental disorders and crap.

She said that I was betraying her for wanting to move out because Chris is supporting her and if we leave, she'll be left with nothing and she won't know what to do. Blah blah. She's worked her whole life. She just quit her last job because the women there were "too mean". She isn't disabled or anything, she can find work. She just chooses not to, and then makes it seem like I'm turning on her for wanting a life of my own at 20 years old.

ANYWAY. Sorry this is long and self-centered. I did have a point, heh. I think that you really do need to get away from your mom. She wants to have control over you, and you don't need that. You shouldn't let it happen. Go be with Josh and **** her. I know that there are obstacles in this situation, and that if things don't work out with Josh later on, you'll be stuck. But try not to look at it that way. Once you start working and you've moved to be with Josh and stuff, things will look up, I'm sure. People are always telling me that if I ever move out and find a job, my anxiety won't be as bad because I'll be away from the one person that knows how to hurt me and make things worse.

I need to shut up now. This is super long. I wish you the best of luck, though. I know it's hard, but try to look at leaving her as a positive thing, and not focus on certain bad things that you think COULD happen. Your glass is half full!

 

[Hellhound]

I think you'll be better without her. It's your life and you have the right to do what you want. She sounds like she's trying to own you or keep you with her for some reason... Manipulation much maybe?. Just do what you want to do and leave her rot. She doesn't deserve to have you with her, she's not treating you with respect.