did anyone have neglectful parents

[Marund]

how were your parents neglectful if they were

did they not talk to you much?

okay so apparently, getting this from your parents affects all your relationships down the road, you won't 'expect' that from anyone because you wont think you're worthy

im literally frozen with people because i cant ask for their time and im afraid of opening my mouth

recently though i've been to festivals with strangers and had a good time, now how do i follow up with them and not disappear?

 

[TheRadicalAnxiousLefty]

My father ran off when I was four years old. It affected my mother horribly at the time. Not because she was sad Dad had gone, but because she was worried of the effect it would have on me. I lived in an extended family, with my grandparents downstairs, and my mother and I upstairs.

Too be honest, my grandad was basically a father figure. I didn't see much of dad, and when I did, I never felt quite at home around him. I can't say being raised by a mother going through major depression did not affect me in at least some way.

 

[Graeme1988]

Oh, yeah! My mother started being neglectful - mostly emotionally distant, when I was around 6 or 7 years old. It sort continued on from there, really. Always seemed to make me feel I didn't belong.

All throughout my teens, I found it difficult to ever talk with my mother. Everytime I tried, she just ignore me - like I wasn't there. Despite admitting I got the anxiety and depression issues from my mother, we still to this day can't talk about it openly.

She has a mostly negative, bitter viewpoint, my mum, or at least whenever I was in her presence. Especially whenever I'd mention the topic of relationships. "You're better off alone", she'd say. I used to think it was because I have cerebral palsy. And being told by my mother, "Men are stupid and useless" affected my confidence greatly. Even now, in my early 20s, she feel I need reminding of this occassionally.

And my father.... well, we don't talk much, if at all. I never really saw him much during my childhood, absent mostly. Until I was 15 years old, even then we had nothing to say.

Apologies for the long, depressing post. I never really talk openly about this stuff and I'm still working through my abandoment issues.

 

[Graeme1988]

im literally frozen with people because i cant ask for their time and im afraid of opening my mouth

I freeze up with people as well, not sure of what to say. So you're not alone there.

recently though i've been to festivals with strangers and had a good time, now how do i follow up with them and not disappear?

By follow-up and not disappear, you mean keep in contact? It depends, I take it you got to know the people you were at these festivals with? Even just a little. And have a way of contact them, email addresses, phone numbers?

Sorry, I'm not that great with advice.

 

[Agent_Violet]

my dad left when i was 2...then abadoned me again when i was about 18...then did it again when i was in my early 20s.

my mother wasn't affectionate,never told me she loved me until i was an adult and we lived far apart. she always compared me to other girls, "why can't you be more like ..."

my stepfather...well...let's just leave it at once i was able to get the hell out of his house I did and never looked back.

He would give us the silent treatment for days on end and my mother always forced me to apologize to him even when i hadn't done anything wrong.
He ruined all of our christmas's,birthdays,etc.
My mother never did anything to stop the things he did to us.

She just stood by and let it happen. She had alternatives...she could have saved herself and her kids...she chose not to.

 

[Section_31]

My mother was quite the opposite, she would physically smack me around quite a bit and tell me how worthless i was. The last time i saw her was when she was leaving me and my dad, i tried to hug her leg and begged her to stay, i think i was like 7, and she just shoved me back on the front lawn and said i wasnt her kid anymore, so deal with it.

Now, that all being said, my mom was seriously unstable, so much so she was institutionalized. One night she went crazy, literally, crazy, and stabbed my dad 3 times. He didnt call the cops because he didnt want me to be taken away from her at such a young age, looking back now i wish he had. There were other factors too, like shame. He was in the military at the time, and i think he didnt want to have to explain to the other men that his wife did this to him. He never did anything to defend himself, just let it happen. I was raised that way too, that its wrong to strike a female, but i still wouldnt have let her shank me!!

On top of this my dad was travelling alot, when he was in the military and when he was working in the oil patch afterwords. I mainly saw him maybe twice a month from the age of 11. he did the best he could, his heart was in the right place. I never doubted he loved me, but he was just never able to physically be around when i needed him.

Thise things had a huge impact on how i percieve things now. I swore that i would never put my family through that, that id be home every night with them, and thus far ive been able to stick to that. Sure, im not making 70 k a yr, but hell we'll get by just fine.

I wont let my kids, should i have any, grow up without their father around.

 

[Moa]

My father might as well not have existed when I was growing up. He ignored me unless it was to yell at me for something I did wrong.

My mother has always been incredibly critical, and still is. It has definitely taken a toll on my mental health. I've never had any confidence about myself, and worse yet, I know I picked up her habit of being critical. I hate it. Recently she told me that I'm the black sheep of the family and never really fit in. Thanks mom, I didn't know my family was some sort of cool clique that I had to fit in with to be accepted...

 

[this_portrait]

If it wouldn't have been for my mother, my father probably would've been neglectful. He struggled with really bad alcoholism while I was growing up, and if his lifestyle wouldn't have been monitored, he most likely would've been an even more lousy parent than he already was.