deluding oneself as a way of coping

[no1]

do any of you ever try to fantasize, or delude yourself to make yourself feel better? Or do you try to dissociate from your problems?

I find that sometimes if I feel really bad I'll just kinda close my eyes and just try to get lost in my own fantasy, where everything is ok.

Though it might be hard if you don't know what it is to be "o.k." and to function in a world where things are different then.. yeah the truth will definitely make itself known.

sometimes it works.. other times I guess it hasn't but, well... if it could be done I wish I could just dream all day and live like that.

even if it doesn't ever work if it makes me feel better so I don't go crazy and ruin other people's lives, or even myself (as much).

so for the times I am ever able to actually have some sort of influence over my thoughts, or the times that I can actually dream and be functional and if it makes me feel better then I guess I'm for it?

or am I just going crazy and more insane and getting worse?

 

[Fairylicious]

Academically, what we do would usually be considered getting worse.

But I've been doing it since i was 11.
I came from a volitile home. My mom was always hopped up on narcotics and would get really violent. She has a terminal illness... but all the same it's like growing up with a violdent drunk.

anyhow, to deal with the chaos when i wasn't at school i started creating this little fantasy world where a particular teacher of mine at the time (who i had reached out to) was my mother. While all the screaming and hitting and bullshit commenced in my reality, i was tucked safely inside my little fantasy world.

Time passed, and all the little sub stories i'd come up with to distract myself got to be too detailed and convoluted... so i started writting them down. Thus came my never-ending personal novel "Chronicles of a Still Heart." In ways it was like a coded diary for me... this "entirely fictional" cast of people went through their rediculous situations and as i read back i could pinpoint exactly what was going on in my reality when this was being written...

To this day i still write about Lexi (my main character/ alter ego). It calms me. It takes me to a place that is always safe (well, at least for me). It allowed me to face and deal with some of my traumas growing up in a way that kept me just this side of sane(dispite the issues that rose up from the abuse) and get the college degree... (i only wish now that i'd had a farther vision, maybe then i wouldn't be so stuck)

of course this dilusion/fantasy world has come at a cost. Cultivating such a detailed imagination has done wonders for flaring tornados of panick and anxieity, I'd much rather write someone then talk to them, and my life's work (so far) is fully tainted with a nightmareish past.

But it did, and does, help.

According to Object Relations Theory, what we do is a defense mechanism found at the Immature Level of Ego Strength. There are of course a bunch more that are in this catagory, but i'll just say that academically, people that exhibit defense mechanisms at this level are most likely to have Personality Disorders...
It's a long, long theory, but actually a very interesting way to look at "Abnormal Behavior."
If you're interested, I can give you more info, or you can look it up!

i guess i should have started with the fact that the college degree i mentioned earlier was in Psychology...

i been fucked up for a while...

 

[dottie]

maybe people who are happy in life are just masters of delusion. maybe that is ok. maybe that is what we need to learn to do to feel better. this post actually reminded me of something i read the other day! read on!

http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/achieve-happiness-by-creating-a-life-lie/

Achieve Happiness by Creating a Life Lie
February 28th, 2007 by John Wesley

Reality, when looked at truthfully, is quite depressing. We’re all doomed to tumultuous lives filled with toil and frustration. Most of us won’t live up to our potential. Most of our hopes and dreams will never be realized. Most of us will never become rich or famous or successful.

Just when you think a problem is solved, an uglier one replaces it. The cycle of desperation continues as our faculties decline. We lose our strength and beauty. We become shells of our former selves and eventually die.

Fortunately, thinking about the nasty truth can be averted with a well crafted Life Lie.

How? Luckily it’s easy. If you are relatively happy person, my guess is you already have one.

A Life Lie is a story we tell ourselves. A story we actually believe about our lives that lets us ignore reality and focus on a glorious future. Allow me to provide a background story.

I first learned about the Life Lie (in explicit terms) from reading a play; The Wild Duck by Norwegian playwright Henrik Ibsen. The main character of The Wild Duck is a man named Hjalmar. By all accounts, Hjalmar is pathetic. His father was ruined by a shady business deal and he’s lived his entire life in shame. His poor family makes a living from a photography business. A business that his father’s arch enemy gave to him out of pity and that his wife runs for all practical purposes.

Useless old Hjalmar should be miserable, but in fact he’s quite the opposite. Despite his pathetic life, Hjalmar is happy because he’s created a beautiful Life Lie.

Hjalmar’s Life Lie is ingenious. He truly believes that he’s going to invent an incredible machine that will make his family wealthy and erase his shame. He doesn’t just tell himself this lie, he actually lives it. Each day he goes off on his own for a few hours, supposedly working on the invention.

What is he really doing? No one knows. It truth, it’s irrelevant. Each day he comes back in high spirits, believing he’s on the cusp of completing the invention and elevating his family.

This is the key to a great Life Life. You can’t just tell yourself a beautiful story. You really have to live the delusion.

After learning about Life Lies, I immediately identified with the concept. Despite myself, I tried to deny it.

I’m different, I thought. I’m no washed up old coot. All my hopes and dreams will come true. Or so I thought. Eventually I realized that it really doesn’t matter. All that matters is being happy, and a great Life Lie accomplishes that.

My Life Lie really isn’t that much different than Hjalmar’s. I believe that if I keep working hard, this blog will become incredibly popular or that I’ll come up with a great idea to make money online. Once I have the money problem taken care of, I’ll be free to indulge my passions for the rest of my life.

I don’t just tell myself this. Every day after work, I come home, boot up my personal computer, and start working on the next blog entry, Photoshop tutorial, redesign, or traffic building activity.

Let’s be real. Is my Life Lie really going to happen? Maybe. It’s not impossible, other people have done it, but success is far from certain. The odds are probably against it.

But that isn’t important. Believing a Life Lie gives my mind something to focus on. I can ignore the pain and uncertainty of life and work towards a goal. I sleep better at night because I know I’ve done my part. If it doesn’t happen, that’s fate.

Sometimes I lose my Life Lie. Reality sets in and it’s incredibly depressing. I feel my smallness, weakness, and the lack of control I have over my life. It’s almost unbearable. Fortunately, I always come up with a new Life Lie.

If you want to be happier, create a fantastic Life Lie for yourself. Don’t worry about what other people think. Convince yourself and start living it. If you’re already happy, keep living the lie.

If you lose faith in your Life Lie, don’t panic. Think about what really makes you happy, create a plan to achieve that happiness, and start working towards the plan. A Life Lie is merely a more accurate description of a life dream.

Thomas Jefferson said that the greater part of our happiness and suffering is caused, not by physical pain or pleasure, but by our hopes and fears. Knowing this, you can make yourself happy and avoid suffering.

By creating a beautiful Life Lie you can fill your life with hope and purpose. You can avert the paralyzing uncertainty of reality. You can live a life of ignorant bliss.

Even if your Life Lie isn’t real, your happiness is. In the end that’s all that matters.

 

[no1]

well after I made the post it became increasingly clear that it's actually been very hard and this may actually not work as I thought it would for me. When the "negativity" weighs down anything that can be "positive", what is there to do?

External stimulation begs attention for a reason. The more you fantasize, when you realize the truth the harder it comes crashing down on you.

Actually I don't really live the lie. I do just fantasize, and try to get lost in it.

when I can anyway.

 

[madmike]

Thanks for the theory on the lifelie, it's helped to lift me out of what felt like another impending crisis... it makes perfect sense that we should all have one of these, it's what allows us to survive. It's also made me realise that i'm unhappy because i identified it as a lie and threw it all away. If i just find it and discover how to 'live' it again, i think most of my problems would be solved

 

[dottie]

Thanks for the theory on the lifelie, it's helped to lift me out of what felt like another impending crisis... it makes perfect sense that we should all have one of these, it's what allows us to survive. It's also made me realise that i'm unhappy because i identified it as a lie and threw it all away. If i just find it and discover how to 'live' it again, i think most of my problems would be solved

i hope you find happiness, too! you deserve it! maybe we aren't socially ideal but we still deserve to be happy and enjoy the beautiful wonders of life.

eff the rat race.
eff the coworkers and judgemental people.
they don't matter.

shut all of that out and just enjoy the beautiful things in life- they are out there and they haven't disappeared.

have a cup of tea and enjoy some nice music. watch the birds outside. appreciate the beautiful patterns that the frost makes on your window.

 

[Argamemnon]

Yes, but if you realize that your life lie is in fact a lie, you can't be happy - I couldn't anyway. You should actually believe it.

 

[Fairylicious]

I don't think it is necessarily healthy to have a "life-lie" that you are not honest with yourself about.

There is nothing out there, no easy mind tricks that are going to make yours or mine, or anyone else's issues magically not matter.

Depending on the "life-lie," it's purpose is more to set a template for how life can be, or how you would like life to be. perhaps its sort of a set of goals. We want to believe the lie becasue it is better than the nightmare that we lead everyday. We get disappointed with the lie when we are forced to return to reality and realize that our life is as shitty as it is. That is why the life-lie supposedly stops working.

For me, i never really believed it as truth, more as a great world that i controlled and no one could infultrate and therefore i could find saftey in it. For me, i think the big thing was control when the fantasy came up in the first place, and not so much in wishing for a different life circumstance. Maybe that is how we are different.

But i would suggest to anyone trying this method, that they notice the power that comes from controlling every aspect of the life-lie. Don't focus on how the lie is a lie, but on how beautiful the lie's truth is.

good luck!

 

[dottie]