Death anxiety :(

[Kaekae]

Amongst other issues I have this deep-rooted, crushing fear of death. I can't pin point exactly when it started but I think it was around the time that my brother died (I wrote about this in a different thread a whole ago) I was 9 years old and I remember my mom taking my sisters and I to see his body at the funeral place.

I don't think it was solely seeing his body that ingrained this fear in me but the mixture of seeing it and being told it was my fault. I could never understand why. Why was it my fault? What a burden to place upon a child.

My stomach is in knots writing this but I need to get it out somehow.

The same few triggers set me off everytime. I can't think about space because I think about how it leads to death (how the sun won't last forever etc) I cannot comprehend that our world as we know it will one day cease to be.
Lying in bed and night when it is dark and quiet usually sets of a thought pattern which usually results in thinking about death and simply not existing, which then usually leads to a panic attack.
I avoid the news because of the constant bad news about murders and wars. I don't like driving in cars because I'm scared of crashing. Even crossing the road can be scary incase I get run over.

I need to get past this because worrying about it constantly means I'm not actually living and before I know it I'll be closer to death anyway.

Sorry if this post is long, it's nearly 2.30am and I can't sleep because of these thoughts so I'm not sure how much sense it makes.

 

[Sacrament]

Accept that as an inevitability, but make a commitment to yourself to do the best with your life while you're alive.

 

[BlackPuma]

Who told you it's your fault? That's really messed up. It really wasn't your fault. I hope you know that.

But I know what you're going through. It's terrifying and even painful to think about non-existence and the end of all we know. But, and this may come as little comfort, in the grand scheme of things that's how it's supposed to be. The universe was here before Earth was born, and will be here when its matter is repurposed for something else.

In all likelihood, though, by that time our species, culture and things we hold dear will have colonized another planet somewhere far, far away. I'd like to think we stay around for a while after the sun collapses.

Our ego and survival instinct won't let us get to terms with non-existence however. It's a situation where your rational brain and instinct will loop and won't allow you to land on a comfortable solution or conclusion. It's something that you have to learn to fight and prevent before it escalates. For me the trick is in trying to find peace with being part of the universe in a different form. In a way- you've always been here, and in a way- you always will.

Don't waste life thinking about what comes next. Life is very much one of those ''enjoy the journey'' things. To concern yourself with it is very much a waste of precious time that could be spend on doing things you like and enjoy. If you are able, when you find yourself in the loop, recognize it as such and break it before you sink too deep into it.

 

[kihira]

Amongst other issues I have this deep-rooted, crushing fear of death. I can't pin point exactly when it started but I think it was around the time that my brother died (I wrote about this in a different thread a whole ago) I was 9 years old and I remember my mom taking my sisters and I to see his body at the funeral place.

I don't think it was solely seeing his body that ingrained this fear in me but the mixture of seeing it and being told it was my fault. I could never understand why. Why was it my fault? What a burden to place upon a child.

My stomach is in knots writing this but I need to get it out somehow.

The same few triggers set me off everytime. I can't think about space because I think about how it leads to death (how the sun won't last forever etc) I cannot comprehend that our world as we know it will one day cease to be.
Lying in bed and night when it is dark and quiet usually sets of a thought pattern which usually results in thinking about death and simply not existing, which then usually leads to a panic attack.
I avoid the news because of the constant bad news about murders and wars. I don't like driving in cars because I'm scared of crashing. Even crossing the road can be scary incase I get run over.

I need to get past this because worrying about it constantly means I'm not actually living and before I know it I'll be closer to death anyway.

Sorry if this post is long, it's nearly 2.30am and I can't sleep because of these thoughts so I'm not sure how much sense it makes.

This is something that I struggle with as well as I experienced something similar at an early age, too, and I don't yet have the answer. It can be scary enough to see a body, but to do so as a child and be told it was your fault is awful. It wasn't your fault, you were only 9; can you talk to your family about it to understand why you were blamed?

 

[Kaekae]

Who told you it's your fault? That's really messed up. It really wasn't your fault. I hope you know that.

My mom blamed me. She was depressed after having to choose whether or not to abort her baby after finding out he had a serious heart condition. She chose the latter, but because I'd previously told her that I didn't want the baby to be born (I didn't like her boyfriend) somewhere in her mind it was my words which caused the baby to die. She truly believes that.

I've never been able to talk to her about it properly because the last time I tried she still insisted it was my fault or changes the subject to me as a kid (more put downs)

I came to terms with it, or at least I thought I did. I can imagine it must have been awful to make that kind of decision on your child's life but it's still no excuse to blame one of your other children and potentially ruin their life too.





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[leopardz]

We're different. I hope to die because I can't bear living on this earth.

 

[Kaekae]

Sorry you feel that way leopardz. I'm not sure of your situation but I hope you can find some support somewhere.

I contemplated suicide a lot when I was suffering with depression but my fear of death kept me from tipping over the edge. I guess in a way that fear saved me but it was a catch 22 situation and it was hard to feel so conflicted.

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[Taden]

Best thing that helped me was to try to rationalize where the fear of death comes from. Since we are alive, it's a natural instinct to want to continue in that state. Ultimately though I feel that in the end, we simply return to our natural composition. Some people find religious or spiritual comfort. This quote helped me when I've found myself in a panic attack regarding the matter of mortality, I hope it gives you some measure of peace as well...

“I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.”

― Mark Twain

 

[dannyboy65]

I've felt the same for years I'd be up all night and have at least one panic attack per day. I couldn't watch the news or read scientific papers, etc... I could barely talk about anything and it controlled my life I was a heavy drug abuser for a while because of it. But recently I know there are worse things then death and too me that would be losing the people I truly care about.

 

[Taden]

I'm not sure, I think it's purely perspective. Death, in my opinion, is more pressing and worse then the idea of losing someone, though I respect and empathize with the majority opinion.

 

[Stargirl]

Hey, sorry to hear you have this problem ):

I occasionally think about stuff like this and panic a bit, but I don't tend to think about it. Obviously you don't have a "Bad things can't happen to me" state of mind - which isn't healthy either. So that's a good thing! You said you don't like driving, but the fact that you have a fear of driving probably makes you a good driver. The extra caution and alterness you'd have would make you a much safer driver. Who cares if you wait an extra minute to turn out of an exit? Just think that you own the road when you drive. You take all the time you need. If you sense your nervousness is trying to make you just drive/go/speed up, take a breath, and think to yourself, "I'm driving. Not my anxiety." I've actually "named" my anxiety Samantha so I can yell at "Samantha" whenever she tries to take over. You can even give advice to your personified anxiety. It helps to see things from a different perspective Actually, I gotta say, giving myself advice with anything anxiety related has been one of the most helpful things I've ever done.

Anyway, it might help you to take things really slowly. Tell yourself, "I have today. I have all of today." Even if it's technically an assumption, it's happened every day of your life so far.

Another thing - pay close attention to other people in your life. Specifically make an observation that someone you know is alive after you haven't seen them for a few days, months, years. Do this with anyone and everyone and see just how many of them are alive. And REALLY observe the reckless and careless ones if you know someone who's like that. It should seem counterintuitive and surprising that they're still alive, given your anxiety. But you have to remember that while death is happening everyday, it's still a very low risk possibility for anyone under 60-80.

Sometimes it helps to make a little fun of yourself when it comes to anxiety, so here's something to think about You have a strong everyday fear that you'll die is kinda like having a strong everyday belief that you'll win the lottery!!! Seems kinda silly now, doesn't it?

I have bad anxiety about intruders when it's late at night and I'm the only one awake. I can't even be the only one home when it's dark, because I'll freak out. Once when my family was out at night, I got so paranoid that I took my late dog into the bathroom with me and had a phone in my hand ready to dial 911. All because I walked by my parent's room and saw a light from underneath the door. They accidentally left the light on, but hey - every noise after that scared the heck out of me XD I find that it helps to think of reasons why there wouldn't be an intruder. Like...

1. My house isn't that nice looking
2. I would definitely hear someone break in. The doors are solid metal. Or I'd hear the windows smashed in. Enough time to call the police. Which is all a deterrant to intruders.
3. Intruders are not just standing outside my door waiting to break in everyday
4. One of my neighbors or someone driving by might report a potential breakin. People are awake at all different hours
5.There are 2 cars in the driveway usually
6. What do I even have that is valuable
7. Do I look like I wear rich clothing and use designer purses? Anyone watching me would know there's nothing to steal
8. I've opened the door late at night and have come home late and nothing bad has happened

Writing this was actually kinda therapeutic. I'd reccommend writing a list whenever you really start to panic

 

[Taden]

Writing this was actually kinda therapeutic. I'd reccommend writing a list whenever you really start to panic

Yes, I second this. Writing things out can be a great source of self reflection and stress relief =]

 

[Niche23]

I really relate to that, I really can't think about death without mentally panicking, and this usually occurs at night. For me it started when my grandmother died, I don't think I knew how to take death and I just never got better.

 

[TheNomad]

I think about death often. I used to have intense panic attacks about dying, and like the person above, it happened at nights. I then started to think this : The fear of death is worse than death itself.

Don't know why, but this sentence made and still makes me feel a lot better. When I am having panic attacks about dying, then I keep constantly dying. But if I am at ease, I will only die once.

 

[kihira]

We don't have good death rituals anymore, we're further removed from the dying process these days than people were in the past