worrywort
Well-known member
Has anybody had any experience with dealing with a depressed or troublesome friend of family that they'd like to share?
I'm having a problem with my dad, and as my dad never visits this site and none of you really know me I figure it's ok for me to write about him. He's suffered from clinical depression most of his life. We're currently renting a place together, but living with my dad, especially over the last few months, has become increasingly difficult. He seems to have great difficulty grasping basic finance. His outgoings are consistently more than his incomings. Since my mum divorced him, he'd been living off his savings, but he's used them all up now and has nothing left. Yesterday he asked to borrow money from me. I said the best I'd be willing to do is to give him an advance on the next two months rent [that way I know I'll get the money back]. I've been pretty frank with him and told him the bottom line is that he has to get his outgoings less than his incomings, and so he has to make some cutbacks, but he seems to be totally unwilling to do that. He smokes, drives a beamer, owns a decent motorbike among other things. He seems to think that because of all the hard work he's done in life, that he deserves this lifestyle, which I've told him many times that I fully agree! He's the hardest working person I know! But I've also told him that that's not how the real world works, you can only spend what you have. Basically I'm really worried about the coming few months, because eventually there's gonna be bills that he just can't pay, and I'm gonna have to say no to loaning him anymore money, and I think it may get ugly.
For the last few years my dad has consistently been the number one worry in my head every day. It's not just his financial problems, but his whole outlook on life that worries me. Every day he grumbles about how much he hates his job and how everybody else has it better than him, and how lonely and depressed he feels. Every day I can see the pain and misery in his demeanour, and it's really difficult to take. Every day I pray that he'll find peace and happiness somehow. It's just really difficult to see someone you love going through so much pain, especially when they appear to be inflicting a lot of it voluntarily upon themselves. My dad is so self destructive that living with him is like watching a suicide in slow-motion.
I think the hardest part is when he tries to drag other people down with him, especially as that other person is usually me! He digs himself into all this trouble, then asks others to help him out and I guess what I'd really like to know, is where does my responsibility lie in all this? Where should I put my bounderies up? I've read some websites that suggest I have very little, if any, responsibility, and any help I can offer is a blessing, but I don't agree with that. I feel, as he's my father, I have more of a responsibility than that, seeing as he raised me for the first 18-odd years of my life.
I guess the killer question is this; if you were watching someone destroy themselves right infront of your eyes, but they were begging for help as they were doing so, how much of yourself would you be willing to sacrifice in order to help this person?
I'm having a problem with my dad, and as my dad never visits this site and none of you really know me I figure it's ok for me to write about him. He's suffered from clinical depression most of his life. We're currently renting a place together, but living with my dad, especially over the last few months, has become increasingly difficult. He seems to have great difficulty grasping basic finance. His outgoings are consistently more than his incomings. Since my mum divorced him, he'd been living off his savings, but he's used them all up now and has nothing left. Yesterday he asked to borrow money from me. I said the best I'd be willing to do is to give him an advance on the next two months rent [that way I know I'll get the money back]. I've been pretty frank with him and told him the bottom line is that he has to get his outgoings less than his incomings, and so he has to make some cutbacks, but he seems to be totally unwilling to do that. He smokes, drives a beamer, owns a decent motorbike among other things. He seems to think that because of all the hard work he's done in life, that he deserves this lifestyle, which I've told him many times that I fully agree! He's the hardest working person I know! But I've also told him that that's not how the real world works, you can only spend what you have. Basically I'm really worried about the coming few months, because eventually there's gonna be bills that he just can't pay, and I'm gonna have to say no to loaning him anymore money, and I think it may get ugly.
For the last few years my dad has consistently been the number one worry in my head every day. It's not just his financial problems, but his whole outlook on life that worries me. Every day he grumbles about how much he hates his job and how everybody else has it better than him, and how lonely and depressed he feels. Every day I can see the pain and misery in his demeanour, and it's really difficult to take. Every day I pray that he'll find peace and happiness somehow. It's just really difficult to see someone you love going through so much pain, especially when they appear to be inflicting a lot of it voluntarily upon themselves. My dad is so self destructive that living with him is like watching a suicide in slow-motion.
I think the hardest part is when he tries to drag other people down with him, especially as that other person is usually me! He digs himself into all this trouble, then asks others to help him out and I guess what I'd really like to know, is where does my responsibility lie in all this? Where should I put my bounderies up? I've read some websites that suggest I have very little, if any, responsibility, and any help I can offer is a blessing, but I don't agree with that. I feel, as he's my father, I have more of a responsibility than that, seeing as he raised me for the first 18-odd years of my life.
I guess the killer question is this; if you were watching someone destroy themselves right infront of your eyes, but they were begging for help as they were doing so, how much of yourself would you be willing to sacrifice in order to help this person?