Dating someone else with anxiety

Fey

Well-known member
Has anyone ever made this work? How do you keep communication open and stay in touch with what the other is feeling and doing in their life?

I'm seeing a guy with social anxiety, but we're having a hard time. When we were getting to know each other he seemed much more outgoing, but after a while he confessed he has social anxiety. I don't mind that at all, but we've been spending less time together, less time talking, and less time getting to know each other. I don't know if he's scared of messing things up or what. It's very lonely for me and hard not to take it personally.
 

Mikazuki1590

Well-known member
That sucks. Personally it'd be awesome for me if i met a girl who has SA also. I feel we'd have more in common and would be sensitive to each other's condition as a result. But as your situation shows, maybe that's just an assumption on my part and it doesn't mean it would definitely work out as i imagine.

My advice would be to ask him to sit down and talk about it with you, Find out if he is only being distant purely because of shyness/anxiety of a new relationship or if something else is wrong. It's entirely possible he's just not feeling the relationship anymore but hopefully that's not the case.
 

Fey

Well-known member
Too late, we broke up. :/

I don't mind the anxiety. I think it's great that people can understand that aspect of each other's lives, when it's such a struggle and it can affect so much. But I need someone I talk to more than I talk to work acquaintances or people on forums. That's just not enough for me if I'm going to say that they're my s.o., they're the only one I'm with, and they're meaningful in my life.

Was a bad idea from the start.
 

Mikazuki1590

Well-known member
Sorry to hear that. :(

I agree with you, though. Any girl I'm ever in a relationship with, I expect her to be able to come to me and talk about anything that's wrong/bothering her or anything concerning our relationship. I believe in honest communication which is what i did not get from any of my past relationships, unfortunately.

Not sure why a lot of people can't just talk things out rather than beat around the bush.
 

Fey

Well-known member
Well, I've been feeling terrible lately (and 2017 started me off with more confidence than I'd ever had), and now I feel better. So there's that.

When we broke up he confessed that he was feeling uncharacteristically bold when we first started going out, and that he's the type of person who really doesn't talk at all if possible, or uses the fewest words he can. That's the absolute worst type of person for me to be with because I need to talk a lot to feel loved. This isn't the first time this has happened to me. I feel so stupid and yeah, I wish people would just communicate honestly too.

I'm sick of people who describe themselves as "reserved" or "quiet" essentially not being there for big moments in my life. I started teaching myself a new instrument recently after pretty much giving up music late in childhood due to fear of being heard. He had a couple words to say when I shared what I was going with him. A chatroom full of people in a video game started talking about their own experiences and even offered me tons of musical advice.

I just want to be "normal" and to be able to meet people who'll talk to me that much in real-life instead of having to have things be like this.
 
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Hot_Tamale

Well-known member
I'm sorry to hear about your break up but its good news having better knowledge of the type of person you'd rather have in your life in the future. I feel the same way too, about not liking others that use the fewest words possible, but more so in the online world because of my experiences in online dating.
 

Sacrament

Well-known member
It works depending on 1) the severity of the person's anxiety (afraid of everything and everyone, refusing to leave the house? Sort it out first as a supporting friend), and 2) how much that person is willing to fight the anxiety through effort and commitment. The more someone is commited to their own well-being, the more they can be commited to the relationship and less dependant on it. My girlfriend feels anxious in social situations, but refuses to allow herself not to go because of anxiety, or to let it stop her from doing things she wants.
 

MollyBeGood

Well-known member
I was better with a sig other who was not anxious. Anxiety feeds anxiety and the two if they both have it have to be completely self-aware when it is happening and stop it which, doesn't happen. But the catch is no one understands how you feel unless they suffer, too.
 

Megaten

Well-known member
Yeah sounds like he was like "Yolo" at first but then when he actually got you interested, started to freak out. In fact Id bet money he probably didnt think you'd actually go out with him. Im not sure what to think about all of this though.
 

Fey

Well-known member
I agree that anxiety has to be under control, and for me it is. I'm still not a social butterfly, but I do fine at work, going out to stores, etc. It's been a long battle and I know a lot of people are still fighting to get this kind of progress in theirs, so I try not to be too judgmental.

I feel so bitter, though. Two of my friends started dating recently, and I am happy for them because I was watching them for a long time wondering when they would actually come out with it, already. But, the guy spends so much time with her just talking, and visiting. It makes me want to cry because it's so hard to find people who feel that way about me.
 
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