Damaged beyond repair

[recluse]

I don't know about anyone else but i think i am damaged beyond repair, i am 26 and feel that i've gone so long being avoidant that i have not learnt social skills, and i never will. I feel as if i have not developed to an adult and that i am still a kid, i'm not saying i'm immature but in the sense that i should have my own place and a well paid job, and a girlfriend. Seems that the expectations we have as kids are all false.

 

[shon]

Yeah, I feel that way a lot too. I'm already 31 and have been this way for so long, I don't know how to be any different. I've been isolating myself a lot for the past 5 yrs and the last friend I had was 10 yrs ago. I'm lucky enough to have a family but it seems to be easier for females with SA then the guys with it (relationship wise). My social skills are terrible though, even on-line. I'm trying to slowly work on it even if it scares the hell out of me. I joined social anxiety friends and it's hard to talk to people there but I have to force myself and I'm beginning to see a lot of them feel the same way as I do. I think there's hope for you Recluse. It just takes some time, patience, and a whole different mind set (that's the hardest part).

 

[HexNoir]

Hey. I"m not the greatest at cheering people up, but something seemed really genuine about this post, as opposed to everyone else's (no offense to them). I'm only 18, but I feel the same way. I'm not terrible looking (ain't no brad pitt either!), but I don't have a girlfriend. Or even a whole lot of friends for that matter. Sometimes I really get down, just genuinely depressed and feel like I'm a failure... even though the only reason I don't have a girlfriend or more friends than I do is because of this type of thinking... because if I really liked myself, I'd be more outgoing.

Anyway, this isn't about me but I feel exactly like what you said. I even have a skin condition, and I feel like it's because of my chronic shyness/anxiety. The worse I feel inside, the more my skin weeps and bleeds... sometimes it mysteriously gets infected. I think I've hit rock bottom... I'm definitely worse off than you are, my friend

 

[Doomed2Die]

I also have a skin condition, no small thing either. And yeah its somewhat difficult to get over sometimes. Since its visible (unless I wear gloves and masks, lol), it can be hard to think around. It has severe times when as you said we get anxious.

Anyway, the only people damaged beyond repair is those unwilling to learn. If you put milestones on your learning based on others think about this. The childhood expectation, where and who from did you learn this, and where and who did that person learn from and so on. It turns out when you do this with things simple the origins are vastly interesting. For example the childhood expectation was pretty much ingrained into society over a long peroid of time, why? Control. Imagine a country without everybody wanting the same thing? Anarchy. Over time things have been built up into intricate in the extreme and the majority of humankind are just sheep. How do I know this? Its in the bible for one, and secondly, its not even hidden.

Uh... oh yeah. No one is lost other than those who stop learning those who refuse help, it is as simple as that. Even then a event may change their minds. Its more than hope, its fact.

 

[InDeepshit]

I understand where your coming from recluse, people always think i'm under 18yrs old because of my akwardness in socialising. Today i felt a sense of urgency to begin my life over and change my perspective, but lost this when i became overwhelmed with how this problem is affecting my whole life. I also don't know how to start accepting myself.

 

[aj]

I don't know about anyone else but i think i am damaged beyond repair, i am 26 and feel that i've gone so long being avoidant that i have not learnt social skills, and i never will. I feel as if i have not developed to an adult and that i am still a kid, i'm not saying i'm immature but in the sense that i should have my own place and a well paid job, and a girlfriend. Seems that the expectations we have as kids are all false.

Yes! Ditto, basically. This a big cause of my problems, I just have no idea what to do with other people. Thing is most people learn social skills while they're growing up, and we just get left behind. I'm 20 - it's a scary thing to say, but looking at it, I think I have the social skills of a ten year old 8O

 

[very_shy]

Seems that the expectations we have as kids are all false.

Yes, I totally agree. When you are a kid, you have perhaps less rights but also less duties. When you grow up, you have more rights, but also you have to cope with some bigger duties, like you said and which involve social skills.
I improved them a little with help, but my progress is slow, well I remember a time I was afraid to go to the bus, but when I had to, because of the school, I simply took it as granted.

I just have no idea what to do with other people.

I couldn't agree more. For example, I think how it would be if I had a girlfriend - but what to do with her if I don't even have a close contact friends? Would that be a cheat? So, here you made a good point.

 

[recluse]

I'm fine when it comes to work because all i need to do to get by is to discuss the work but outside of work i don't socialize. If i have a topic such as work to talk about then it's not to bad but trying to think of something to talk about is hell.

 

[Foxglove]

I have thought for years that I am fucked up beyond all repair, and that I should just be shot like a horse with a broken leg. Why should I just suffer for another 40 years or so? When something is broken and can't be fixed, why bother?

 

[AsHLeY]

I know, it's definitely human nature to compare yourself to other people but the average age for leaving home is going up more every year. I read some study a little while ago that said that 250 out of every 1000 people are returning back to their parents homes for financial reasons/broken marriages etc. They call them "boomerang kids." Women are more likely than men to leave home at an early age anyhow.
Apparently there are 2 women in the world to every man, so I'm gonna say that you're dating pool is pretty big as well...it's just a matter of confidence.
And as far as thinking you're expected to get a high-paying job goes ~ over 53% of Canadians live paycheque to paycheque, so don't feel too badly when you compare yourself to others. :wink:

 

[maggie]

I don't know about anyone else but i think i am damaged beyond repair, i am 26 and feel that i've gone so long being avoidant that i have not learnt social skills, and i never will. I feel as if i have not developed to an adult and that i am still a kid, i'm not saying i'm immature but in the sense that i should have my own place and a well paid job, and a girlfriend. Seems that the expectations we have as kids are all false.

hey recluse, i don't believe any of us are damaged beyond repair..just that we need to find something that works for us, that helps us to carve out the life that feels comfortable..it may not be the same as anyone else..or what our expectations were before, but that is irrelevent. It's taken me years to figure out that..i'll never be the life of the party, never catch up to others my age in many respects..but to find a life that makes sense to me. You can't give up on yourself..or lose faith..cause sometimes that's all you have :wink:

 

[recluse]

I don't know about anyone else but i think i am damaged beyond repair, i am 26 and feel that i've gone so long being avoidant that i have not learnt social skills, and i never will. I feel as if i have not developed to an adult and that i am still a kid, i'm not saying i'm immature but in the sense that i should have my own place and a well paid job, and a girlfriend. Seems that the expectations we have as kids are all false.

hey recluse, i don't believe any of us are damaged beyond repair..just that we need to find something that works for us, that helps us to carve out the life that feels comfortable..it may not be the same as anyone else..or what our expectations were before, but that is irrelevent. It's taken me years to figure out that..i'll never be the life of the party, never catch up to others my age in many respects..but to find a life that makes sense to me. You can't give up on yourself..or lose faith..cause sometimes that's all you have :wink:

I'm 26 going on 27 and i haven't even lived life yet, and i feel that i never will.

 

[Doomed2Die]

You could take a bible study and learn more about that if you want. I'm saying this because it has helped me and many others that I personally know more than I could of expected. IIRC it mentions somewhere in the bible that pursuing the whim of God is considered the 'real life' where as the majority of this system/world is not. I do say this, for me there seems to be nothing more human than doing this, considering we was designed to praise Jehovah god.

Again its helped me and continues to do so, religion... mmm im not so keen on the word, or rather how it is generally viewed. I think factual and im a logical person. Worth a try anyway eh? Thats what I thought orignally, when I had no hope and motivation speak of. (disclaimer edit: I should also mention my passion *is* truth, so in reality finding it would eventually happen).

Hah I would put how this is just my personal view here, but hey, it is the truth. Its not even my opinion any more.

 

[alter_ego]

26 going on 27 is very young to be thinking of settling down, most people don't these days until they're in their thirties. And they reckon even more and more people in the UK are still living at home with their parents even when they're in their 40s because they just can't afford to move out.

 

[ripewithdecay]

Recluse, are you so sure that feeling like a 'kid' is a result of being avoidant for so many years rather than just being who you are?
there's nothing wrong with being young at heart, and if there is then im guilty of it too.

 

[Argamemnon]

Again its helped me and continues to do so, religion... mmm im not so keen on the word, or rather how it is generally viewed.

I think you shouldn't care what the majority thinks about religion, if that is what makes you happy, or what you believe in. People are so narrow-minded nowadays; especially those who claim to be liberal or open-minded. I can't stand them.

 

[recluse]

26 going on 27 is very young to be thinking of settling down, most people don't these days until they're in their thirties. And they reckon even more and more people in the UK are still living at home with their parents even when they're in their 40s because they just can't afford to move out.

But i still feel old to be living at home but it's easier for my peers who have their own homes, because all of them are in relationships so can share the costs.

 

[recluse]

Recluse, are you so sure that feeling like a 'kid' is a result of being avoidant for so many years rather than just being who you are?
there's nothing wrong with being young at heart, and if there is then im guilty of it too.

A lot of people are young at heart but i feel different, as if i am a bird who still hasn't flown from the nest. I have missed out of the growing up phase of dating and generally having fun with friends, and for as long as i have low self esteem which i have had for all my life i never will experience it, because i feel so bad about myself i can't possibly imagine anyone liking me.

 

[alter_ego]

Recluse, are you so sure that feeling like a 'kid' is a result of being avoidant for so many years rather than just being who you are?
there's nothing wrong with being young at heart, and if there is then im guilty of it too.

A lot of people are young at heart but i feel different, as if i am a bird who still hasn't flown from the nest. I have missed out of the growing up phase of dating and generally having fun with friends, and for as long as i have low self esteem which i have had for all my life i never will experience it, because i feel so bad about myself i can't possibly imagine anyone liking me.

Obviously, I'm too old for you but the more I read your posts the more you come across as being a really nice guy. I can't imagine any girl NOT liking you!