Coming Out to your Friends and Family

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aNOTfox

Well-known member
Hey!
I thought it would be useful to hear others experiences how they told their friends and family that they suffer from Social Anxiety.

Firstly, I like to say that if you suffer from social anxiety in silence like I did for pretty much my entire teenage years, telling the people who are closest to you will be the best thing you will ever do. It makes it a hell of a lot easier to deal with if you have people fighting your corner.

For me, I had councelling for my social anxety at school when I was 15. I didn't tell any of my friends or family about it and had to hide the appointment cards that I was given as I found the disorder embarrassing and thought they wouldn't take me seriously. The councellor advised me that I should tell my parents. When I did, I expected them to laugh, however, they were understanding and agreed to support me through it. I then decided to let my close friends know how I felt. They did see it as a bit of a joke at first but after a while they grew more understanding. Having my friends and family on my side helped a lot, I stopped going to councelling as I didn't feel alone anymore.

However, I understand that some people do not have access to the help that I had which was why I thought it would be a good idea to hear of others experiences with less sympathetic parents/friends; how did they react, did your anxiety improve etc and what is the best way to tell your friends/family to ensure they take you seriously.
 
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hardy

hardy

Well-known member
Good topic. Certain countries don't even recognize this as an illness at all. Most of my relatives except my dad think this is just some normal spider phobia which can be rid easily. Try and live a day of a social-phobic.

Even the smart people thought i was acting, being lazy to escape work and some thought i was plain arrogant for being silent and not looking while talking. I had to go out of my way to explain it to my friends. Few of them understood....not easy for them to come to terms with our situation.

I had this experience with a schizo....he carried his whole life data along with him. The prescriptions, the doctor appointments, all the books he had brought to make people believe that he had a medical condition.

I can talk things with my Buddhist meditation teachers....they are understanding and don't judge me too often. They are human too...but they are more patient, smart and loving than others.
 
A

aNOTfox

Well-known member
xDreamseller said:
Wouldn't people realize you have SA anyway if it was that bad?
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I hear what your saying, but not necessarily. someone who hasn't suffered social anxiety would simply see you as being "a bit shy". Not a lot of "non sufferers" know that it is a mental disorder that affects peoples day-to-day life.
 
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Section_31

Section_31

Well-known member
unfortunately, as much as i love my family to death, many will think mental illness is no big deal, and can be solved really without expert help, that its just behaviour. They'll humor me and act like they understand but later on say or do things that directly contradict that.

In the end i just stop telling them things. The less they know, the better.
 
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21NZ

Well-known member
Yeah i think its always a good idea to tell them, if they don't understand or don't care... it doesn't change a thing but if they do, then it will like you said make your life a lot easier :D so you have nothing to lose by telling them.
 
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jaim38

Well-known member
I did tell my parents about the bullying, harassments, and the fact that I'm scared of people, but I'm starting to think that's not a good idea. My mom started to think that there are people stalking me wherever I go, and she thinks it's our neighbors! She thought they went around telling other people to hate me. My brother is starting to think the same thing too. FYI, I don't think my mom and brother mentally sane.

Anyway, long story short, I don't think it helps to share my social phobia with my family. It just makes them more paranoid.

My dad doesn't help either. Sometimes, he does things in public that I wouldn't do and would be embarrassing to do. He's also a pushover, just like me. He can bend over backwards too much for other people, seems like he does anything possible to avoid altercations.
 
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Littlewing13

Active member
Yeah I was just diagnosed, had no idea what it even was before 2 months ago. I went to the doctor for depression.

My family have been so supportive! I feel like I can talk to them about almost anything & were all a lot closer lately. They've been the perfect amount of supportive but also encouraging me to get out more. I know Im lucky with their reaction, not everyones family would react so well.

I get the impression my friends don't want me to talk about it (and I don't want to burden them), but they understand & respect my weirdness now.

Overall I have felt much better since talking to people about it. I obviously don't tell everyone, just closest friends & immediate family.
 
Opaline

Opaline

1
aNOTfox said:
I hear what your saying, but not necessarily. someone who hasn't suffered social anxiety would simply see you as being "a bit shy". Not a lot of "non sufferers" know that it is a mental disorder that affects peoples day-to-day life.
Click to expand...

Yeah. When I told my grandfather that I had social anxiety he had never heard of it and he seemed skeptical that it was a disorder. He thought I was "just shy". He doesn't realize I'm not quiet when I'm at home, I'm only quiet around him because he makes me uncomfortable. Of course, he grew up in a different era, and SA was just known as shyness then.
 
Section_31

Section_31

Well-known member
Opaline said:
Yeah. When I told my grandfather that I had social anxiety he had never heard of it and he seemed skeptical that it was a disorder. He thought I was "just shy". He doesn't realize I'm not quiet when I'm at home, I'm only quiet around him because he makes me uncomfortable. Of course, he grew up in a different era, and SA was just known as shyness then.
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Another thing ive realized too with older generations, and if there are any baby boomers here plz forgive me, i dont mean to paint everyone with the same brush, but if they cant see it, theres nothing wrong with you. Or if you DO have a disorder, you should be institunionalized, as was the norm back in their day. If your not, then it "cant be THAT bad" and you jut need to "smarten up"....or so were te words from some of my family.

Thats why im always very careful about who knows what about me. Information is power.
 
MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
My parents know about my depression, and that was purely accidental. They understand, but don't get it, and I've had my mother in particular say, "you shouldn't be depressed." Thanks, ma.

Revealing social anxiety, or any mental illness, to family can be the hardest thing to do.
 
JuiceB

JuiceB

Well-known member
My sister was the one who recognized my having SA and told me about it. Unfortunately she is always really busy with her life so it leaves me with no one to open up and talk to. My mom and brothers just think I'm weird and tends to ignore me most times. I rarely get calls from my older brothers, but they talk to my younger brother almost every week. :sad:
 
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Razzlecherry

Banned
I think my mom would be a whole lot more understanding, whenever I act weird she seems to notice. But my dad, don't think so. Back when I was a depressive wreck, I would be very quiet, always had my head down, did things slowly, we were eating for Thanksgiving. He just outright said, "what are you depressed or something?" That just made me feel terrible. I didn't respond, just tried to be more active during the rest of the meal.
 
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