College

[PandaBear]

So I'm moving into college on Friday. I've been looking at things really optimistically. I've been thinking things like, "Ok, I'll become friends with my roommates and we'll do stuff with each other. I won't be alone." But reality has hit me. What if we don't become friends? I mean, I have this awful social anxiety problem. What if I screw it up? Even if we do become friends, they'll probably make other friends and won't be hanging out with me all the time. What if I can't make any other friends? I don't think I can handle the being alone in a sea of people thing anymore.

I'm freaking out. I'm terrified. It's all hitting me right now. I'm scared about not making friends, being so far from home, not being able to communicate, being surrounded by people 24/7. I mean, I can't even go to the store by myself. How the hell am I going to do this?

There's no backing out of it now. My parents have put so much effort into getting me to this place. My brother dropped out of college twice and I don't want to do that to them again. Besides, if I don't go to college, what else will do? I've never had a job. I can't get a job working with people. What would I do?

 

[superfluouslyme]

For starters, I can assure you that just about everyone has a nauseating case of college jitters during that first week or so. Your roommates are probably thinking the same thing. This nervousness isn't just limited to people with social anxiety. I never lived with roommates in college, so I don't really know what to tell you there. I can give you advice about things I have learned, but I know that it is easier to say than do. Just be yourself. If you aren't an overly social person, don't push it. You'll just make yourself miserable. Hang out with people that you are comfortable with. If you can, try to explain your anxiety to them. I found that the majority of people I am close to have at least a semblance of understanding about my anxiety. They may not 'get it,' but they understand that I have limitations and I don't like to be pushed. And don't sell yourself short. Everyone has something to offer. Having anxiety does not make you less important or less in need of friendship.

I could go on and on, but I'll stop here. If you want to talk more, you can PM me. Good luck!

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

It is scary to move away the first time but you'll adjust eventually.

One thing I can suggest is to bring things from home that are familiar to you- things that comfort you- things you enjoy... and any favorite blankets/pillows, that type of thing.

Also--- buy some ear plugs and maybe a sleeping mask. You will need them.

You can do it!
If you ever feel helpless or frustrated; make appointments with one of the school's therapists or counselors- join a support group- sign up for a physical activity or just go for jogs in the morning. Keep yourself busy and try not to get too overwhelmed by school work. If there's something you don't know, you can always come here and ask for help- or join a study group.
Don't pressure yourself about anything because college is just the beginning of your journey and you can afford to make mistakes.

 

[PandaBear]

Thanks for your responses.
To be honest I should be asleep right now, but these thoughts are keeping me up. Forgive me, for I'm scatter-brained when I'm tired and upset.

During orientation, I had expected everyone to be, just as superfluouslyme said, as nervous as I was, but everyone seemed to be adjusting just fine. Everyone had met at least one person and hung out in little groups. I seemed to be the only one alone. Granted, my roommate did try getting me to go eat with her the second day and I refused. This is something I regret.

One of my biggest problems with my anxiety is shaking. I find it so difficult to function once it starts and it's always so embarrassing, which leads to depression and self-hatred. I know that I should probably talk to a doctor about this, but doctors terrify me and I'm not very good at asking for help.

Luckily, I've been paired with a roomie that is from out-of-state like me and she seems really sweet. I just don't want to put all of my hopes on her.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

Do you know many relaxation techniques, panda?

Sometimes deep breathing will reduce my visible shaking.
I also used to meditate daily when I was clear-headed enough and I felt that it helped with my constant panic and shaking.

If anyone asks though, you could always just jokingly say; "guess I had too much coffee today. I should really switch to decaf~!"

 

[PandaBear]

Do you know many relaxation techniques, panda?

Sometimes deep breathing will reduce my visible shaking.
I also used to meditate daily when I was clear-headed enough and I felt that it helped with my constant panic and shaking.

If anyone asks though, you could always just jokingly say; "guess I had too much coffee today. I should really switch to decaf~!"

I try the breathing, but usually it's really quick moments. Like, say we're doing ice breakers and I'm called on to do something. Everyone turns their attention to me and I'm supposed to think quickly. I proceed to freak out. No time to breathe. Normally I'm a calm person. I've been told this. I'm pretty laid-back. I'm just a wreck under pressure.

That suggestion made me smile. I needed that smile.

 

[Phoenixx]

You're definitely not alone. I move into college next Thursday, and my nervousness is just awful. It kinda just hit me this morning, how close the date is, and I just felt horrible. I felt so anxious I wanted to throw up. All I could think was, "What if it's just a repeat of high school?", "I'm just going to get teased again.", "I'm not going to make any friends because I'm too scared to talk to anyone.", "How am I supposed to sort things out?", etc. etc. I don't want to know how I'm going to feel next week.

But, I'm realizing that this is what I wanted after all. I've waited for this day since I was 13 (Yes, I've been wanting to move out since then. ). My college does offer counseling, so I can finally get some of the help I need. I am getting along with my roommate so far, so meeting her will be easier. It's little things like these I need to think about that'll, hopefully, keep me a bit calmer.

 

[superfluouslyme]

On the rare occasions that I start to shake, I just tell people that I've had WAY too much Mountain Dew. No one is the wiser.

Are you going to a big university? A lot of people feel that aloneness because there are just so many people. That's why I think it is important to have at least on person that you are comfortable enough with the relax and unwind. I never made that friend when I went to a big(ger) university, and I think that is part of what did me in. Just having that connection, even if it is only with one person, means a lot. And it may not be your roommate. You may meet someone in class or in the dorms that turns out to be that person. And I agree with Weirdy; bring things that are comforting to you with you. Have things that help you calm down (music, exercise, calling your family, etc. etc.). And seek help if you need it. If the anxiety starts to build up, don't wait and hope it goes away. There are loads of people ready to help.

 

[PandaBear]

On the rare occasions that I start to shake, I just tell people that I've had WAY too much Mountain Dew. No one is the wiser.

Are you going to a big university? A lot of people feel that aloneness because there are just so many people. That's why I think it is important to have at least on person that you are comfortable enough with the relax and unwind. I never made that friend when I went to a big(ger) university, and I think that is part of what did me in. Just having that connection, even if it is only with one person, means a lot. And it may not be your roommate. You may meet someone in class or in the dorms that turns out to be that person. And I agree with Weirdy; bring things that are comforting to you with you. Have things that help you calm down (music, exercise, calling your family, etc. etc.). And seek help if you need it. If the anxiety starts to build up, don't wait and hope it goes away. There are loads of people ready to help.

Thank you so much, all of you. I feel like I might actually be able to get some sleep tonight.

I'm actually going to a very small college. It's a college where, they say, everyone knows everyone. This just worries me because I'm not going to be able to hide anymore. I guess that's a good thing though. I need to start dealing with my issues.

 

[UnOccupied]

Anyone in your situation has had this thought. Truth is, we all still went to college, and found out. For some, the thought came true, for others, it didn't. Either way, life goes on...focusing on the thought, and twisting it around in your head will only make it more scary and elusive.

It's good your acknowledging the thought, and not just pretending it's not there. Realize what the thought is, irrational fear, that won't help you at all. Realize it, be aware of it, and then slowly try to shift your focus and thinking elsewhere.

When it comes back, repeat the process. The key here, is that nothing scary ever makes sense in our heads, and the more we focus on them and give the thoughts our attention, the worse they become.