Can't think of a title

[defiance]

I remember a time when nothing could get to me because I was always calm and relaxed. It was probably my defining quality. But man ever since the mental breakdown started happening, it's been over ten years now, I have been losing my defining quality. Now it is completely gone and I have become the complete opposite in that I am always angry but I keep it bottled up and never let it come out. And of course the usual suspects are to blame for this as well, that being depression, anxiety, fear, suicidal thoughts and so on. The thing is I feel as if I am dead but this body is still functioning. Those traits that made me ME are all gone so I honestly don't even know who I am anymore. Just a shell of the person I once was. All I know is that I can't keep going much longer. It just hurts too bad.

 

[theoutsider]

I can so relate to what you're going thru. Before my anxiety, I used to be so above things bothering me that people would actually get angry with me for always being so calm. I also had a knack for being quick witted so that if someone tried to put me down, I could come back at them and turn the whole thing into a joke (on them). Now, the slightest thing turns my entire world upside down. And forget about any witty comebacks, I just freeze up on the spot. Later, I think of all kinds of ways I could have responded better but of course, by then it's already too late.

I wish I could offer encouraging words of therapy but I can't. The only thing I can tell you is that you are not alone and try to hang in there. Suicide is not the answer.

 

[defiance]

I can so relate to what you're going thru. Before my anxiety, I used to be so above things bothering me that people would actually get angry with me for always being so calm. I also had a knack for being quick witted so that if someone tried to put me down, I could come back at them and turn the whole thing into a joke (on them). Now, the slightest thing turns my entire world upside down. And forget about any witty comebacks, I just freeze up on the spot. Later, I think of all kinds of ways I could have responded better but of course, by then it's already too late.

I wish I could offer encouraging words of therapy but I can't. The only thing I can tell you is that you are not alone and try to hang in there. Suicide is not the answer.

Wow....what you said is exactly how I used to be man. Including the quick remarks and just like you I freeze up and think about it at a later point in time and see how I could have turned it around. As for suicide...well it wasn't the answer for so many years...but now I feel that it is becoming THE answer to all my problems. I just don't know who I am and what I am doing and that frustrates the living hell out of me.

 

[Graeme1988]

I remember a time when nothing could get to me because I was always calm and relaxed. It was probably my defining quality. But man ever since the mental breakdown started happening, it's been over ten years now, I have been losing my defining quality. Now it is completely gone and I have become the complete opposite in that I am always angry but I keep it bottled up and never let it come out. And of course the usual suspects are to blame for this as well, that being depression, anxiety, fear, suicidal thoughts and so on. The thing is I feel as if I am dead but this body is still functioning. Those traits that made me ME are all gone so I honestly don't even know who I am anymore. Just a shell of the person I once was. All I know is that I can't keep going much longer. It just hurts too bad.

Pretty much how I feel as well. :sad: