Can't photograph..at all.

[breakthespell]

Hi. I'm a 20 year old boy, just registered here, feels kinda awkward.

Been having social anxiety for about 5 years now, not been much outside, only with the one good friend I have left (ditched all my other friends and they eventually got sick of it I guess).

I've recently gotten very interested in photography. I also need to get outside for a walk once a day (which is often a pain) to keep in shape so it fits great into my life.

I have a horrible self-esteem, and can't stand anybody I don't know looking at me. I am not overweight, and probably average/good looking. I've had girls being interested in me, but I have usually blown them off due to my low self-esteem. Now I haven't had contact with any girl in over a year. But that's not what this is about anyway.

As I said, I'm trying to get out to take some photos. I've gotten my first DSLR camera and I love it. I love everything about photography and know where I can go for some nice shots. My problem is that I can't handle being out in daytime when shooting due to that I feel even more in the center of attention when I'm going around with a camera. My stress level rises from the moment I go out the front door until I can't handle it anymore, I feel watched by everyone and everything. It takes about 15-20 minutes to get high enough for it to be too consuming, and I'm losing all concentration on what I'm supposed to do and my instincts just tells me to get home as fast as possible.
I always go out with hope and always come back disappointed and without any shots at all. I am so sick of this **** getting in my way of doing what I want to. I'm sitting in my room with my camera all day when all I want to do is be out takin pictures...

I am on medication (anti-depressants) to keep my depression on a livable scale, which is working good for me.

I'm also going in therapy for my social anxiety, and I'm getting better at going out of the house, but still a long way to go (the supermarket is my limit to what I can manage).

Thanks for reading if you did, and I don't expect any answers to this, but felt good to let it out there. If anyone else here is photographing as a hobby, it would be nice to hear about how you deal with it.

Peace.

 

[MollyBeGood]

I love to take pictures. Congrats on the camera. I think being a photographer takes some of the attention of yourself and places it on the subject which is why I like to do it plus it gets me out of my head and really looking at things. I want so badly to be able to get out more and take more photos so I feel your pain.. I am also very much a socially anxious person so it takes a bit to get me over the hump so to speak to get to the photo op's, but when I do I am always in the zone and very pleased with the results so I have to do it more.
Thanks for the reminder. I need to take some photos soon-i try not to ever leave the house w/out my camera, but I have to leave the house! Good luck and there's a thread here where we share photos so put your's up when you get some.

 

[breakthespell]

I love to take pictures. Congrats on the camera. I think being a photographer takes some of the attention of yourself and places it on the subject which is why I like to do it plus it gets me out of my head and really looking at things. I want so badly to be able to get out more and take more photos so I feel your pain.. I am also very much a socially anxious person so it takes a bit to get me over the hump so to speak to get to the photo op's, but when I do I am always in the zone and very pleased with the results so I have to do it more.
Thanks for the reminder. I need to take some photos soon-i try not to ever leave the house w/out my camera, but I have to leave the house! Good luck and there's a thread here where we share photos so put your's up when you get some.

Hey. That was a fast answer. Nice to see more people with the passion.
You impress me by even managing to get some shots. I feel like everytime I raise the camera someone is watching me, or I am afraid of someone to see me taking the picture and blabla. But yeah, good luck to you too

 

[MollyBeGood]

haha yeah I am speedy

You know I take pictures of animals and nature so nobody's watching me then. But I really want to go to some pow wow's or rodeo's and that would challenge my SA for sure. I have done pics of a few people and it wasn't so bad but yeah...animals and nature for me LoL

 

[coyote]

...I feel like everytime I raise the camera someone is watching me, or I am afraid of someone to see me taking the picture...

i used to worry about this, too

but i was thinking about it as i watched other photographers

and i realized that i wasn't so much interested in them as what they were shooting

 

[kihira]

Hi and welcome!
I just how you feel because that's how I was with a previous hobby, but I persisted and it helped me hugely to get over that feeling of being observed and judged. Photography is a good choice in that lots of people take photos, either with serious cameras or their phones, so its not much of an oddity to do. Thats my current hobby, I love it and have almost zero self-consciousness taking shots with people nearby. My other hobby was lugging a metal detector around to find old coins and stuff; not your everyday activity and rarely seen in my part of the world, but I was so motivated to do it that I did it despite the percieved attention - I only ever had one negative person commenting from a distance, otherwise just the occassional interested questioner. I'd suggest that you persist and try zoning out to whats happening around you, because the truth is you're just another photographer and people's thoughts are elsewhere. Post some pics soon

 

[breakthespell]

haha yeah I am speedy

You know I take pictures of animals and nature so nobody's watching me then. But I really want to go to some pow wow's or rodeo's and that would challenge my SA for sure. I have done pics of a few people and it wasn't so bad but yeah...animals and nature for me LoL

Yeah, that's my big goal, to be able to photograph people, also random people, as they usually are in the natural settings, not the posing kind.

I just wish I didn't feel like an ugly piece of sh!t everytime someone looked at me. Sometimes I think I've spent too many hours alone in my room to ever get any better.

EDIT: just saw the new replies here, thanks a lot guys, really motivates me

 

[MollyBeGood]

Yeah, that's my big goal, to be able to photograph people, also random people, as they usually are in the natural settings, not the posing kind.

I just wish I didn't feel like an ugly piece of sh!t everytime someone looked at me. Sometimes I think I've spent too many hours alone in my room to ever get any better.

EDIT: just saw the new replies here, thanks a lot guys, really motivates me

Awe don't say that about yourself. Yeah...get out and take some pics..I will too now, as I am needing an excuse to be in the world again.

 

[Hastings & Main]

Hi!
Yeah, I still get that feeling, and it used to stop me.
Quick answer is: keep it up, the feeling fades, though it may take awhile. And when you DO get that feeling, just take the picture anyway, and mentally flip off everyone you perceive is condemning you (they're not, anyways). That thing or moment you're going to capture may not be there tomorrow...

And like Coyote said, I see other photographers, I instantly look at what they're aiming at, and I never actually judge them on why they're doing it.

Keep shooting! And I've got some photos in my profile-thing if you want to take a look...

 

[starshaped]

i like to take photos too. mainly of sunsets and just scenery in general. i usually take my camera with me wherever i go. you never know when you're gonna need one right? start small. maybe visit a field or a river/lake where there isn't many people. then take a step further as you build up more and more courage to go to more crowded areas. trust me.. people don't care what you're doing. unless they're nosey as frig of course. people might just take a quick glance and then continue on with their day. they invented a camera for a reason, right? it'd be a shame to waste such a lovely camera like a dslr! so chin up. don't lose hope. you'll get out there eventually. best of luck! and welcome. i'm new too

 

[breakthespell]

Hi!
Yeah, I still get that feeling, and it used to stop me.
Quick answer is: keep it up, the feeling fades, though it may take awhile. And when you DO get that feeling, just take the picture anyway, and mentally flip off everyone you perceive is condemning you (they're not, anyways). That thing or moment you're going to capture may not be there tomorrow...

And like Coyote said, I see other photographers, I instantly look at what they're aiming at, and I never actually judge them on why they're doing it.

Keep shooting! And I've got some photos in my profile-thing if you want to take a look...

Yeah, I'm trying, but can't break out of the "circle" yet. Sometimes it annoys me to no end, because I know deep down that what I think is wrong when I get in these situations.

i like to take photos too. mainly of sunsets and just scenery in general. i usually take my camera with me wherever i go. you never know when you're gonna need one right? start small. maybe visit a field or a river/lake where there isn't many people. then take a step further as you build up more and more courage to go to more crowded areas. trust me.. people don't care what you're doing. unless they're nosey as frig of course. people might just take a quick glance and then continue on with their day. they invented a camera for a reason, right? it'd be a shame to waste such a lovely camera like a dslr! so chin up. don't lose hope. you'll get out there eventually. best of luck! and welcome. i'm new too

Yes, I will start with places with as few people as possible. The woods are one of those places. You don't meet a lot of people and I might get the "inner peace" to actually concentrate on photograhy, not everything around me.

 

[rawrt]

Hey dude.

I also enjoy photography, I have a Nikon d3100.

I'm pretty similar to you! I prefer just driving out into the country and taking landscape pictures cause I know 99% of the time nobody will be there. When people do see me though I feel as if they are judging me so I try to avoid this by just walking/driving away.

But yeah, I'm just going to try and build my confidence that way I can get some different shots.

Do you have a flickr account?

 

[caringsoul]

u have to start somewhere. and i certainly know how u feel, because i also have that anxiety, but what i noticed is that alot of people are doing it now, because i see them about all the time. so then, i started to take my camera out and snap a shot. sure, there are people behind me wondering why im interested in what im taking, but they dont know me, and i dont know them. and they likely forget about it later. everyone is going to be a curious cat, because they bored. i just ignore them and just take the photo. i've bumped into several photographers who are carrying their big dslr camera taking photos. dont be afraid. Just Do It!

have you noticed how the paparazzi/journalist photographer look? .. i dont want to comment on it, but you know what i mean. and they are facing celebritys, but they dont care how their image is. i think that if you really want something, you go out there and get it.

your confidence will only get better once u start it. and the more u do it, it will be normal.

 

[Kiwong]

Hi Breakthespell, I like taking sunrise and sunset photos, or wildflower photos on nature trail. When I get up early before dawn I find there aren't many people around, and the light is at its best for photography at those times.. I also like taking running and sports photos