Cannot tell if I deserved bullying

S

saa

Member
For the past 10 or so years, my brother has called me so many names, insulted my friends, made fun of my medical disabilities, and acted cold and uncaring towards my achievements. He acted like a total **** towards my parents, and so naturally I became angry at him. Although he was not the cause of my OCD, he contributed to one of my obsessions.

Yet I can't tell whether or not I deserved all this. I remember getting into lots of physical fights with him. I assume that I caused those fights.

But I also remember that I was the one who got upset by HIS words, not the other way around. So I can't tell if my retaliation had a purpose or not.

If I started those fights without any reason...did I deserve to be bullied?
 
I

ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
No one deserves to be bullied. Siblings fight. That's what they ALL DO. ALL OF THEM. You and your brother are no different.

It's pointless for you to think about it. You're very sensitive. I'm the same way. People like us ruminate on everything and quickly get obsessed. Work on getting better. Get therapy. OCD is a tough disorder but you can beat it.
 
S

saa

Member
I don't think this is me being oversensitive, but maybe a little bit sensitive...anyway, I think that I was legitimately bullied by my brother. The things he said left a lot of damage. He knew that what he was saying upset me, but he kept on saying it. What I needed at that time was therapy and help, not whatever my brother did.

Sorry if I offend anyone with what I said.
 
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DepravedFurball

DepravedFurball

Well-known member
I had the same type of older brother, Saa, and I can tell you right now that their controlling personalities are the reason why they bully you, not because you deserved any part of it.

They're totally self-centred, demanding, authoritative, cruel, and psychopathic. They want all the attention to fall on them. All the praise and adoration. If you were to steal the spotlight for even fifteen seconds, they'd come up with a scheme to 'put you in your place'.

I dealt with the continual slander, physical taunts, and repeated betrayals of my trust for far too long. Everything that I did to get back at him just perpetuated the cycle, and it went on like that until he finally moved away for college...

When he was gone, and I was free of his torment, I became a completely different person. Relaxed. Less moody. Concentrated on my physical fitness and trimmed up. And when he came back after six months to visit the parents, I found him to have gained twenty-five pounds where I had lost twenty. It was a rather liberating experience, and helped to heal the damage that he'd caused to my psyche.

Still, even nearly fifteen years removed from that torment, I still dislike him. I might see him once every six months, even though he lives an hour and a half away. I'll never think of him as 'family', or 'friend'. I'll never forget how miserable he made me, so there's just no way I'll ever be able to see him in a different light.


I know you probably try hard to be the better person... to take the high road and conduct yourself in a decent manner... but it really doesn't matter. With their mentality, you're just an annoyance. They'll only use and take advantage of you at every opportunity. And people like our brothers will never change their ways.

Your best bet is to just try and distance yourself as much as you can from them. Tough, I know, considering that you're always going to try and be friendly. But if you do that, then you'll just end up in more pain.
 
J

jaim38

Well-known member
No, you don't deserved to be bullied. I also have a sibling who bullied me for lying to him yesterday. Just because I lied to him doesn't mean I deserve to get hit. Actually, I was lying for his benefit, not because I had some ulterior motive.
 
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