Can this mean that I might be really ugly?

[Requiescat]

Thanks for your input.

Today I took the bus to work, and it was full of kids, all which seemingly avoided looking at me. I don't know what to think about that. I am not feeling that bad about it because it's outside of my control, but I just think it's strange and would want to know why.
ETA: I don't mean just eye contact, but everyone seems to not want to look at me or in my direction, it's so strange. They don't seem scared or shy or disguesed by me, they just "ignore" me.

You seem to be very conscious of other people, they can probably pick up on this too. Especially if you are looking around or at them with any meaningful level of intensity. It can make a person feel vulnerable or just generally insecure. As I have observed, women are particularly aware of being looked at by men - that is not always a positive thing in their minds. But to be universally avoided? I don't see it. As I say, I am considerably unattractive and can still get a positive response from strangers across the board; so too can others. I just don't think this is related to how you look.

 

[andropen]

You seem to be very conscious of other people, they can probably pick up on this too. Especially if you are looking around or at them with any meaningful level of intensity. It can make a person feel vulnerable or just generally insecure. As I have observed, women are particularly aware of being looked at by men - that is not always a positive thing in their minds. But to be universally avoided? I don't see it. As I say, I am considerably unattractive and can still get a positive response from strangers across the board; so too can others. I just don't think this is related to how you look.

I usually mind my own business and do not look so much on others. I don't know..

 

[Megaten]

I usually mind my own business and do not look so much on others. I don't know..

Yeah which is pretty much what most people do. Also as a plot twist, you never know whats going on in people's heads, some could very well be thinking "why wont anyone notice me?" too. :thumbup:

 

[andropen]

No, it's bigger than that. Poeple really are avoiding me deliberately. Have had more evidence of that today. The worst is that I don't know what I'm doing "wrong". Makes me very tired of life.

 

[Requiescat]

Good point Megaten!

Andropen, in what situations are people avoiding you? Are you making initial contact, being proactive? Or are you waiting for someone to take the first step and reach out to you? Lets put it this way, if you were so ugly that every living thing you came into contact with couldn't bare to look at you, you would most definitely have been called out for it! People call each other ugly even when they don't think they are, just to hurt them. Were you truly hideous, you would know it, trust me on that.

 

[andropen]

Andropen, in what situations are people avoiding you? Are you making initial contact, being proactive? Or are you waiting for someone to take the first step and reach out to you? Lets put it this way, if you were so ugly that every living thing you came into contact with couldn't bare to look at you, you would most definitely have been called out for it! People call each other ugly even when they don't think they are, just to hurt them. Were you truly hideous, you would know it, trust me on that.

Ok, maybe it has nothing to do with my appearance.
Maybe it has to do with some other insecurity or my overly self-consciousness.
Almost everywhere and anytime, I feel "invisible" to everyone.

And people in the same room as me can talk about me (even if they say positive things about me) in third person, even though I'm in the room. It's so strange I don't know what to do!

Everything that happens in this manner, is just so strange, but I can't control what they do.. so I don't try. I guess I can't do anything about it. It's bothering but I don't blame anyone else other than myself because I'm the one that is attracting it somehow.

 

[Requiescat]

Ok, maybe it has nothing to do with my appearance.
Maybe it has to do with some other insecurity or my overly self-consciousness.
Almost everywhere and anytime, I feel "invisible" to everyone.

And people in the same room as me can talk about me (even if they say positive things about me) in third person, even though I'm in the room. It's so strange I don't know what to do!

Everything that happens in this manner, is just so strange, but I can't control what they do.. so I don't try. I guess I can't do anything about it. It's bothering but I don't blame anyone else other than myself because I'm the one that is attracting it somehow.

People talking about you positively in your company, but indirectly, would be a hint to me that they don't feel confident saying it to your face. They probably don't know how to gauge you. In my last year of A-Levels I was literally invisible, so much so that people today for the most part don't even remember I was there! This was in a relatively small group. Upon reflection I realised that my peers found it hard to relate to me because I was so reserved, in the end they stopped trying. Strangers whom I encountered blanked me. It took effort on my part to change that. I'm by no means a finished product but I'm proof that you can go a long way to correcting this.

"I guess I can't do anything about it"

It would be a shame for you to leave this thread on that note! We'd all like to see you come away from this better equipped. So with that in mind I'd like to post a couple of links for you to read. Of course I'm not trying to ram this down your throat, but I definitely think this is worth consideration. If you do follow this up, keep us posted on what you find and any further details about your experiences. Maybe you can get to the bottom of this.

Best of luck whatever you do :thumbup:

• https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/Body_Language.htm
• https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/body-language

 

[andropen]

Best of luck whatever you do :thumbup:

Thank you!

I do not believe it's simply a body language thing, it feels "bigger" than that.

Also, when I say I have no control over that, what I mean is that I do not have any control over how others respond to me. For example in a moment where two persons talk about me in third person (not necessarily on my job) and, for me, that feels very strange, wtf am I supposed to react in that moment you know. I can just sit there and think "ok.. this is a very strange thing/situation that just happened"..

It's not that people are avoiding just eye contact with me, for example at meetings, they do not look in my direction, like if I wasn't even there. Even if they talk about something that regards me and one other person, for example something that needs to be done on the job, that person looks 100% on the other person, and never even glance at me for a sec, even though I'm with him as a pair for that task. It's strange, and then I feel I can't do anything else than sit there and feel "stupid". I work as a developer in a small company. We are only 8 people who work as a "team" of developers.

I don't feel so shy or insecure though, I just don't know how to respond. Maybe it's that I'm "too confident" and they are "insecure", or maybe completely the other way around. I'm not sure what to think anymore.

 

[andropen]

It's getting bigger and bigger, but I guess suicide is always an option (but extreme and last resort).

 

[Megaten]

I think that over analyzing it is going to drive you crazy. We all could benefit from not caring so much about what the rest of the world is doing. Because Im sure most of the world couldnt care less what we're thinking or what we're up to. There's no telling why they're acting funny to you. But you know what? Whats going on in their heads should be about as important to you as what color socks you think Im wearing tomorrow. As long as you keep your job and your life moving forward, thats what counts at the end of the day.

 

[Razzlecherry]

The problem is that we all need that validation from outside sources. If we're just treated as if we don't exist, then hell yeah its gonna bother us. You can say all your bullshit mumbo pep talk, but it doesn't change the fact that our uselessness to everyone else is becoming more and more apparent.

We're ****ing lonely, otherwise we wouldn't give a shit.

 

[Megaten]

Hey thats the pep talk that helped me alleviate some of my depression when I tried desperately to make friends with people on my campus only to have them repeatedly do shit without telling me. Not sure what you want me to say. Was only trying to help.

 

[andropen]

Exactly, Razzlecherry. I hate feeling unappreciated by the world. No one will miss me when I'm gone.

 

[andropen]

Ok this happened today when I walked outdoors.

There was this guy I passed and as I passed him, he rolled his eyes and looked away..

Then there was a group of girls walking, and they looked away when they saw me.

It appears to have something to do with my appearance, right? I personally think I can look a little intense sometimes, maybe.

I don't like this... I understand that if I looked HORRIBLE, people would probably stare instead of looking away. But if I looked good, people would look at me also, so maybe I'm in between, that I look just a little ugly or weird, and that sucks.

I don't care so much about this, but what feels bad is that I don't know how to respond to people who are doing this? I don't want to feel sorry for just existing, only because when some people sloppily observe me they make themselves feel bad. But I can't do anything about that.

 

[State_Of_Trance]

I don't have the mental energy right now to post something more thoughtful, so for now I'll just throw out that I feel something similar. This weird thing of people ignoring me or looking away. In any group of three I am a third wheel. Not much eye contact. In my case I don't think it's a looks thing as you suspect in your case, but it's real nontheless. I think it's something about the way I carry myself.

Again, no real advice or anything, but thought I'd throw in with you.

 

[DanielLewis]

No it's not because your ugly. You have to realize that the vast majority of people just aren't like that. They don't treat ugly people any more differently than good-looking people. Do you do that?

It's true that good-looking people sometimes receive advantageous treatment in certain cases, but what it comes down to more is personality. It's how you behave that determines how people will react to you. You're in the driver seat. You're in control.

 

[Razzlecherry]

No it's not because your ugly. You have to realize that the vast majority of people just aren't like that. They don't treat ugly people any more differently than good-looking people. Do you do that?

It's true that good-looking people sometimes receive advantageous treatment in certain cases, but what it comes down to more is personality. It's how you behave that determines how people will react to you. You're in the driver seat. You're in control.

Nah, that's bullshit.

Especially this part:

They don't treat ugly people any more differently than good-looking people.

 

[andropen]

Hi again. Today when I walked to work, I walked passed a woman around my age (20), and when she saw me, she turned her head around, as if she couldn't stand looking or me or what? I get many of these responses and I don't know what I'm supposed to do or what it means? Thx.

 

[Kiwong]

I avoid eye contact with people if at all possible that is the nature of my anxiety.

 

[andropen]

I avoid eye contact with people if at all possible that is the nature of my anxiety.

Yes, maybe it's that. I think the reason why I've thought it's because of my appearance is because I personally don't like the way I look so much :sad: