Burying depression under false happiness/confidence

[gustavofring]

I don't know how to feel.

My life is $hit right now. I'm almost two years over due to graduating and I'm gonna have to finish it really soon. But I've just not made any progress at all. I feel ashamed having to constantly tell people I'm such a perpetual loser, so I lie a lot about my progress.

You often hear cheer up. That's what I do. I try to cheer up, feel confident, make jokes, be happy, but I feel when I do this like I am hiding myself behind a mask and have lost touch with myself in a way. This only creates further stagnation and inability to work.

I feel like I need to be open and honest with my down feelings. Don't try to block them out with escapism. I feel like that's the only pathway out of this mess. If I feel unhappy then there must be a bigger will to get out of it. If I try to falsely be happy while the situation is crappy, then I will only stagnate further. In a strange way I feel like I NEED unhappiness in order to progress.

Anyone have some advice on this? How do I find a balance between these two extremes and have a healthy emotional mind?

 

[Hoppy]

I know exactly what you mean. For me it is so much tension whenever I am with other people since I have to hide my emotions all the time, then when I am alone I completely collapse and just have to rest.

I do not really have a solution, I've got an idea what will work for me but am unable to apply it since I am forced to be more sociable.

"Fake it till you make it."

 

[psych]

I know exactly what you mean. For me it is so much tension whenever I am with other people since I have to hide my emotions all the time, then when I am alone I completely collapse and just have to rest.

I do not really have a solution, I've got an idea what will work for me but am unable to apply it since I am forced to be more sociable.

"Fake it till you make it."

I was totally going to post the fake it till you make it line. Scouts honor... ::
Because it's the only thing that has worked for me at all. & Believe me... I've been working for four years at a company that gives like 12 cent raises every year...
But, I'm working, which is more than many can say. I'll be 39 in two days, yet I don't even have a savings account. I lost my life savings due to major back injury and no healthcare insurance...
I will likely never be able to retire at all.
I have few friends here, & little happening on that front... Yet... Hey, f*ck it! I can dwell on all that, or take it moment by moment, & make the best of a bad situation...
Because, I know... honestly... it all could actually be worse.
I've been faking it till I make it. Because I've got no idea what else to do...

Takin' it down to the nitty gritty, I'm a failed suicide, what else is there? I'm not gonna try that again... So, what else is there? Keep on keepin' on...
Life has a way of throwing curve balls at ya... & Life is what happens while you're making plans...
Ultimately, we are all just along for the ride anyways...

& I'm sorry if this post sounds kinda cavalier, it really is what my feelings are.

Hang in there, gustavofring... hugs*

 

[coyote]

i doubt that "fake" happiness is the solution in the long run

although it does help you to feel better in the short term and gives you the ability to look for real solutions

like examining the basis for your depressive thinking, determining where it's not valid, and replacing it with realistic/positive thinking instead

that's what is meant by choosing your thoughts or choosing to be happy

it's been given alot of names - ACT, CBT, Rational Thinking, "The Secret", "The Law of Attraction" - whatever - they're all the same thing

replace the irrational, depressive, negative thoughts with normal, rational, positive thoughts

but to do that, you have to realize that those thoughts you're having aren't valid - the problem is that too many people just assume that because the thought is there, it must be true, and it must have come from somewhere, and that the only way to change it is to find the thing out there that caused it and change that

but we can't change the universe

we create our own thoughts and feelings in response to the universe - so no matter what happens out there - we can choose to think or feel a different way about it

finding happiness in this way is no more "fake" than the depression was in the first place

 

[kihira]

^I agree with coyote

...and start taking small steps to get things moving again - sit down and start an assignment that you've been procrastinating on - feelings get a boost from small actions

 

[psych]

Well, it's a starting step forward from the OP's stance, & really that's all I meant it to be from the perspective of my post. I know things will grow and change from experience. & That I am furthering that, because not all of my optimism is fake... but hey.. It's only a forum, & only allows as much communication as one post at a time. shrug*

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

I heard somewhere that smiling constantly will trick your brain into thinking you're happy.
And tricking your brain a bit may make the depression lessen enough that it's actually manageable.
That's what I figure, anyways.
It would be nice to not want to be dead, constantly.

 

[hidwell]

No one could ever accuse me of Burying depression under false happiness/confidence. As I am one miserable ****.

 

[EscapeArtist]

Well wow, you are very emotionally intelligent despite having a mask to hide behind. You can use the mask when you decide to work on your emotional needs by building constructive habits day-to-day (for instance, to get yourself out for a run, or to the grocery store) but I think that both the "downer" truth side of you and the mask part of you are important, and you don't want to fully forget either side, at least until your 'depressed' side has it's own variations of truth

That mask is an extremely important defence mechanism that is very hard to build if you don't have it already in practice because it can be converted into a certain form of self-discipline (doing something you know you want to do despite your emotions holding you back). Is there a way to start with the mask, and use it to put you in social situations that you are actually looking forward to trying?

What you are saying is that you need to feel the wound and absence so that you can heal it, right? Oh, I was going to add to this post by i've got to go.. sorry x(

 

[MikeyC]

I get depressed and I put on a mask of happiness when I go to work every morning. I don't need a whole bunch of people coming up to me and asking what's wrong, or telling me to smile. I'd rather just fake it and deal with it alone. Same with my friends.

I'm sorry you're going through some tough times, OP, but I get what you're trying to do. I do the exact same thing.

 

[Aletheia]

so that the next time we find ourselves feeling even remotely happy, we can appreciate the moment.

I think this is key: recognizing and appreciating when we're happy. It's easy to ignore or forget about, and end up thinking of ourselves as unhappier people than we actually are.

 

[Minty]

You can't look for your ideals in the world. They only exist in your mind. "I will always be successful" <-- that's an ideal and it doesn't exist. You'll probably find that the most successful people in this world dared to make the most mistakes. They found the energy to make mistake after mistake after mistake because they didn't think "Well, that's not how I wanted it in my head. Therefore I suck. Or the world sucks." No, they think, "So that's how it is in the real world. How can I use this to my advantage? How an I learn from this to be a better person?"

Look for small achievable things in your horizon and when you reach them, you'll feel happiness naturally but don't expect happiness to be your default state. Happiness is a reaction to something you encounter and consider positive but it's fleeting. You should aim for peacefulness, not happiness, because peacefulness be a state of mind. Celebrate every moment of happiness, let it go, return to peacefulness, and make a new attainable goal. Ideals do not exist. You will never have an ideal body, mind, mate, friends, etc. There will always be flaws, defects. Be at peace with that.

 

[coyote]

You can't look for your ideals in the world. They only exist in your mind. "I will always be successful" <-- that's an ideal and it doesn't exist. You'll probably find that the most successful people in this world dared to make the most mistakes. They found the energy to make mistake after mistake after mistake because they didn't think "Well, that's not how I wanted it in my head. Therefore I suck. Or the world sucks." No, they think, "So that's how it is in the real world. How can I use this to my advantage? How an I learn from this to be a better person?"

Look for small achievable things in your horizon and when you reach them, you'll feel happiness naturally but don't expect happiness to be your default state. Happiness is a reaction to something you encounter and consider positive but it's fleeting. You should aim for peacefulness, not happiness, because peacefulness be a state of mind. Celebrate every moment of happiness, let it go, return to peacefulness, and make a new attainable goal. Ideals do not exist. You will never have an ideal body, mind, mate, friends, etc. There will always be flaws, defects. Be at peace with that.

 

[Synth]

You can't look for your ideals in the world. They only exist in your mind. "I will always be successful" <-- that's an ideal and it doesn't exist. You'll probably find that the most successful people in this world dared to make the most mistakes. They found the energy to make mistake after mistake after mistake because they didn't think "Well, that's not how I wanted it in my head. Therefore I suck. Or the world sucks." No, they think, "So that's how it is in the real world. How can I use this to my advantage? How an I learn from this to be a better person?"

Look for small achievable things in your horizon and when you reach them, you'll feel happiness naturally but don't expect happiness to be your default state. Happiness is a reaction to something you encounter and consider positive but it's fleeting. You should aim for peacefulness, not happiness, because peacefulness be a state of mind. Celebrate every moment of happiness, let it go, return to peacefulness, and make a new attainable goal. Ideals do not exist. You will never have an ideal body, mind, mate, friends, etc. There will always be flaws, defects. Be at peace with that.

Wonderful advice.