@Danfalc
mmm I guess you're right. I get discouraged kind of easily... plus this thread did get majorly off topic so maybe people didn't really know what to say.
And you're absolutely correct about it going undiagnosed a lot, being tricky to diagnose, and having limited awareness out there on BPD.
Borderline makes up about 2% of the population and is mostly seen in young women. It is said that many people can outgrow borderline by the time they are 35 or 40 years old. Unless it's a severe case (like mine). But, because of this reason, it's known as a "young people's illness". The shocking part is tho, that although only 2% of the population is made up of BPD people, we account for more than 20% of all in-patients in psychiatric hospitals. If you think about it, 20% is a HUGE number. Even I myself, just spent the better half of the last 4 months in the psych ward because of my borderline.
Going back to how it's difficult to diagnose and how people go undiagnosed, my personal journey with getting diagnosed with BPD has been rocky to say the least. I was first diagnosed as a teenager. However, regardless of that initial diagnoses I have had a dozen counselors tell me that I don't actually have borderline... when I knew, quite obviously, that I did indeed have it. That lack of validation really hurt me. It made me feel like no one was listening, no one saw me for who I was, and no one cared at all. It was almost like they didn't want to admit I had BPD.
If you read any information on borderline you will see it mentioned over and over that many counselors are reluctant to take on BPD people, because we are seriously hard to handle and treat. This is partly due to our lack of trust in other people, and the fact that we vacillate between idealization and devaluation of a person. In other words, we can go from loving our therapists, to thinking they are the worst thing on the planet and hating them. And they don't even need to do anything particularly drastic to set us off. We are highly unstable, and therefore so is our environment. Not to mention the only official treatment for BPD is psychotherapy (part of which is DBT). No medications directly help with borderline. Our therapists must have extreme personal boundaries, and be like a rock emotionally... as in, be completely emotionally stable. And I guess a lot of therapists would just rather not deal with BPD.
On that same note, a lot of mental health places aren't equipped to treat BPD. The place I go to now is state run. Because of this they run completely off grants and therefore have to jump through a lot of governmental hoops to keep their funding, and their jobs. The government, not knowing squat about mental health, decided to put a regulation on the program. They broke mental illness into two category's; A and B. They will treat you there if you fall into category A, but not if you fall into B. Category A consists of depression, PTSD, and Bipolar. Category B is everything else. Technically I am not supposed to be being seen there, but I have special permission. Anyway, my point is, this just makes it even harder on people that actually have BPD to be diagnosed and get proper treatment. 99% of the people that work at that mental health clinic don't even have a clue what BPD is...
Anyway, I have since officially been diagnosed 3 times with borderline, but the journey from onset to diagnoses was frustrating. I know labels aren't great and all that, but sometimes it's nice to have one because then you can put a name to what's wrong, and start working from there. I have had so many people tell me so many different things about what's wrong with me and for once I would just like someone to believe in me. You only have to meet 5 of the 9 criteria in the DSM to be considered BPD. I meet all 9, and I have since the age of 12 or so. When people try to tell me I don't have borderline (usually because those people are uneducated about it or just simply don't want to deal with it) it makes me feel like I am back at square one... frustrated and insecure and trying to figure out why I am the way I am.
Mostly, BPD people just want and need validation that it's okay to be who we are. It's okay to be ourselves.. because our whole lives growing up we have been told by EVERYONE around us that it's not okay to be us. And to get that same thing from a counselor, is the last thing someone with BPD needs... and that's all I have really ever gotten from them. In fact, I have had BPD for about 15 years and just within the last 3 months I started DBT (which is a treatment specifically made for borderline people)... Anyway, this just proves your point that YES, it goes undiagnosed, it's tricky to diagnose, and there is lack of awareness...
Speaking of lack of awareness.. BPD is more common than schizophrenia, but even less is known about it. They used to think that borderline was a sub category of schizophrenia. That's why it's called borderline. Because people with BPD were thought to be on the borderline of psychosis. Anymore, it's looked at as a more stable disease... but really people just still don't know much about it. It's often associated with schizotypal personality disorder as well.
Anyway, thanks for your encouragement about this thread. You're right again, in that SA goes hand in hand with my BPD. I probably wouldn't even have SA if it wasn't for the borderline. In fact the BPD causes the depression too. I guess I will just keep posting and sharing my own experiences about having BPD and hopefully other people might one day join in the discussion. I think it is important to spread the word. The thing about BPD is that it can often get mistaken for other things because it does share a lot of symptoms with other illnesses. And honestly, I hate feeling like I am the only one out there that is suffering from this. BPD's motto is "I hate you. Don't leave me." The last thing we want is to feel like we are alone...
On that note, I think I will share this video I found on youtube. If you watch past the first part where they are talking about emotions, it has some pretty good information on what it's like to have borderline. Just you know, for anyone that might be interested:
YouTube - What Borderline Personality Disorder feels like...(TRIGGER)
and if anyone wants more information on the criteria I will repost this link:
Borderline Personality Disorder DSM IV Diagnosis
Anyway, it's not a fun illness to live with... but if anyone else is suffering from borderline.. at least know you're not alone.
